“But…” Harper glanced from where Natalie had just been sitting, then down the hall to where the warped door of the sleeping area was now firmly closed behind the couple. “She… No… Right..?” She looked so confused and conflicted that it was almost adorable.
“Like I said, pretend you didn’t see that. Drake and Shane really don’t need to know right now.” Jenna stood. “I’m going to head back to our bus. If Dev is back then the others will be soon. Shane doesn’t need to be in the vicinity of this place in a few minutes.”
When a moan came from the back of the bus, Harper was quick to follow the younger girl out. “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t need him hulking out tonight. Lana, you coming?”
“Yeah, yeah.” She tried to get up but her stomach was a big obstacle. She looked up at me with a pout. “Help a bitch out, Marissa.”
Laughing, I offered her both my hands and helped her to stand. “See you later.” I returned her hug and walked with her to the door as the three left. “Message me that video when you get the chance.”
Lana winked up at me from the bottom of the steps. “You got it, sexy.”
When I turned around, it was to find Dallas had taken Lana’s spot on the couch. Her gaze was on the hallway that led to the roosts. “Something’s up with Natalie. Have you noticed how she’s been acting lately? And it hasn’t just been in the last few weeks since this tour started. Linc has hinted that her entire personality has been off for a while now.” She shifted on the couch and I sat down beside her. Her concerned blue eyes looked questioningly over at me. “Have you noticed anything off?”
I grimaced. “Yes and no. I had noticed that she was quieter before the tour started, before she cut her hair. She doesn’t go out with Linc like she used to, and she has seemed kind of tired lately. But…” I sighed and pushed my hair out of my face. “But I hadn’t really thought about it, Dallas. I was so caught up in my own crap that I didn’t pay any attention to what was going on with Natalie at the time.”
She grasped my hands, giving them a reassuring squeeze. “Of course you were. Things didn’t end pretty with Wroth last spring any more than they had with Dev and Nat. No one could blame you for not paying attention to what was going on with her. How are you, by the way? From an outside point of view you and Wroth seem to be closer than ever.”
“I guess we are.” I bit my lip, something that had become a very bad habit lately. Just the evening before, Liam had scolded me for pulling a Kristen Stewart because I was always biting my bottom lip. “Wroth told me he loves me.”
One blond brow rose, but she didn’t look particularly surprised. “Yeah, I’ve heard him say it a few times myself. He always has loved you, Rissa. He was just a pussy last spring. I never for one second believed that he meant for you to get hurt. But the real question should be, do you believe it? Do you forgive him for what he did? Do you still love him? Because even though I’ve heard that big scary piece of delicious man candy whispering that he loves you, I’ve yet to hear you return the sentiment.”
I looked away. It was true. I hadn’t returned the words. Hadn’t even tried to utter them. I might have forgiven his slip up, his cheating, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him I loved him. Something was continuing to hold the words back. I’d given up on my side of the bet I’d made with Natalie. Had told her just the day before that I was backing out of our bet and that as soon as we got home all she had to do was tell me when she wanted to start her vacation and I would happily fulfil my side of the wager. But maybe, even though I had given up on revenge, part of me still wanted to hurt him. By not telling Wroth I loved him, I was withholding something that I could tell he was desperate to hear, to be assured of my love for him.
And. I. Just. Couldn’t.
Forgiving something so destructive to a relationship such as cheating was one thing. Forgetting was something entirely different. And I was still haunted by it. The memory of seeing Wroth with some skank on her knees in front of him flashed through my mind at least once a day and each time I was left feeling shattered all over again. When that happened, I always needed to get away, to hide from everyone while I got myself back together. To fight the sudden need to erase those pictures from my mind at all costs.
Rhett was watching me closer and closer every day and I knew it was because he was scared that I was going to do something to hurt myself. But I wasn’t going to do that. I’d already promised myself that no matter how depressed I got, hurting myself wasn’t the answer. That didn’t make Rhett feel any better and I could see his inner struggle to keep my secret to himself as his concern for my wellbeing grew.
“Rissa?”
Dallas’s soft voice pulled me out of my deep thoughts and I realized I hadn’t answered her yet. “I do love him, Dallas. I just… I can’t seem to say the words. Every time he tells me that he loves me and I don’t say the words back, I can see the pain in his eyes. It kills me to see it, but I still can’t say the words out loud.”
“You’re still scared he’s going to cheat again.” I shrugged and Dallas nodded empathetically. “I can see where you’re coming from, sweetie. Thinking that the man who basically owns your soul is just one step away from crushing your heart into a pile of dust is something that I’ve got some experience with. I thought that Axton cheated on me when we first got together…” She grimaced. “I know now that he didn’t cheat, but the evidence was damning. And—”
I held up my hands, stopping her before she could say another word. “Wait. You keep talking like Wroth didn’t really cheat. That it just appeared to have happened. Dallas, I saw him with that girl! I saw her on her knees right in front of him with his… And he…” I broke off, unable to say the words without completely breaking down. “He cheated, Dallas.”
She gave me an unconvinced look. “You think so? You’re so sure of that? He actually told you that it happened?” She shook her blond head. “Marissa, I was there during that tour. I saw how Wroth Niall was with you before everything even started. When we were at the farm, that man would go out of his way to make sure nothing hurt you. Nothing. The man even bent over backwards to try and keep everyone around you from using bad language because he knew it embarrassed you and he wanted us to respect you. He would sit and just watch cheesy old shows with you when I could tell he was bored out of his ever loving mind. But he did it all to make you happy.