So I had to start thinking about what else had been going on in my life lately that could have made me be sick the way I had been. As I stood in the shower, washing some vomit from my hair because Linc had been a little slow to pull my hair out of my way as I was retching the first time, I started adding them up as I mentally checked out my body.
My breasts had been tender lately. More so than I was used to before a period, which was due to start in a few days. I’d been having headaches on and off lately but just put that down to the change in the seasons and a sign of sinus issues. I was feeling bloated a lot since my last period… Which hadn’t been as heavy as I was used to…
With a groan, I hit my head against the wall of the shower stall. Once. Twice. The third time didn’t knock any sense into me so I stopped. I should have listened to that bitchy voice the first time she’d opened her mouth. But what had I done? Told her to fuck off.
All because I didn’t want Axton to wear a condom the first time. And ever since that first time without, I’d asked him to do it again and again. I’d been keeping up with my menstrual cycle to make sure that it was always a safe time to go without a condom, but Mother Nature wasn’t always spot on and loved throwing curve balls into the loop. That fucking bitch.
Could I be pregnant?
A million things flashed through my mind all at once with that one question. Was I ready to be a parent? Did I want to have a kid with Axton Cage? Had I gotten pregnant on purpose to trap the man I loved?
Then there was the one question that broke my heart, not because it affected me or Axton or even the possible baby I could be carrying…
What was this going to do to Harper?
My best friend was destroyed because she had found out she might never have a child of her own. Here I was, unsure how I even felt about the mere possibility of being pregnant, while she might never experience even the joy of a child growing inside of her. My hand went to my flat stomach and my heart clenched. Damn it, it wasn’t fair.
Swallowing hard I turned the water off, stepped out and dried in a rush. After pulling fresh clothes on I practically ran through the bus. Nik, Mia and Linc were still sitting where I had left them ten minutes ago, but Emmie was now sitting beside Nik with her feet in his lap.
“Hey, how are you feeling?” Emmie asked, concern in her big green eyes.
“Um…” I didn’t know how to answer that question. If it were just Linc there I would have blurted out what I thought was wrong with me. I might have even done it if it were just Emmie and Linc, but not with Nik and Mia there too. It didn’t feel right to say something to Nik before I told Axton. “I need to go to the store for a few things, but I’m feeling better.”
“Give me a list and I’ll have one of the roadies go to the store for you,” Emmie assured me.
“No!” There was no fucking way I was sending a roadie to the store for a pregnancy test. Or six. “It will be better if I do it myself. I know exactly what I need. I thought I saw a drugstore on the corner a few blocks over so I thought I would just walk over… And hey, I’m sorry I didn’t make it over to the medic tent to relieve them.”
Emmie’s eyes were narrowed on me, but she shrugged. “No biggie. You weren’t feeling well, so they can suck it for all I care. I’ll arrange for a car to take you wherever you need to go, Dallas. And take someone with you. It will make Ax freak out less when I tell him you left for supplies.”
My gaze went straight to Linc and he stood without hesitation. “Let’s go.”
By the time we got out the gates, a car was waiting for us already. I told the driver to take me to the closest drugstore. Linc and I were both quiet as we rode. He kept shooting me concerned glances and I pretended I didn’t notice. It was so out of character for me that I knew it was worrying him even more than my vomit-fest earlier.
In the drugstore, the feminine products were down the same aisle as the pregnancy tests. Linc didn’t say a word until I passed the row of tampons that he knew I usually used. I kept my eyes down as I kept walking and he started cursing under his breath. Tears blurred my vision as I stopped in front of the tests and picked up two different brands. I took them both and picked up another one. I knew that one was all that I needed, but hey, I wanted to make sure.
The woman at the counter didn’t even question me as I placed the tests on the counter. She glanced at Linc a few times, licked her lips twice then handed me my change. I cleared my throat, getting rid of some of the tears still clogging my vocals. “Do you have a bathroom I can use?”
“Sure thing, honey. It’s all the way in the back near the pharmacy. Take your time.”
I nodded my head jerkily and headed for it. Without a word, Linc followed me into the women’s room and we locked the door. He leaned against the wall, and I sat and peed on all three sticks before setting them on the top of the toilet paper dispenser. With a sigh I washed my hands then sat back down on the closed toilet seat. It didn’t bother me that Linc had just watched me pee. This man had been with me through a lot worse things than watching me use the bathroom.
My chin started trembling because normally it wasn’t just him that went through things this major with me. I missed Harper and ached to call her with each second that passed. If it were anything else I would call her right now and she would stay on the phone with me until I knew for sure. But this would hurt her in a way I wasn’t sure I could handle. I knew she would be strong and would be there for me no matter what, but I couldn’t do that to her. Not yet.
“Has it been three minutes yet?” I whispered and Linc checked his watch before nodding. He’d read the boxes as I had opened each one and knew that it would take at least three minutes to get any results.
I glanced at the three sticks then back down at my hands. Linc pushed away from the wall and crouched down in front of me. With his left hand he reached for one of the sticks while his right caught mine and our fingers entwined, telling me without words that no matter what he had my back.
My eyes closed, too much of a coward to look. My stomach was starting to protest again because the bathroom was warm and smelled of cleaning chemicals. “Dallas? Do you want a kid?”
It was the question I had been expecting him to ask from the moment that I picked up the pregnancy tests, but he had held it in until now. I didn’t know what answer I would have given him if he had asked me before I had peed on those sticks, but the last three minutes I’d been thinking hard about it. Part of me was beyond terrified of the simple possibility. But another part, a part that was getting bigger and bigger by the minute, was kind of excited about the idea of a baby.