“That’s the perfect epidural when you have muscle control but you’re not in pain. It’s a good sign that you’ll be able to push well.”
Avery’s body must be perfect for birthing because it doesn’t take long for her to have the first baby ready for delivery. Dr. Knight enters the room and a frenzy of blue scrubs rush in behind her. “Don’t be alarmed. We always have the neonatal intensive care unit present for twin deliveries.”
Avery smiles at me and I hold her hand while Dr. Knight is gowning up for delivery. “I can’t believe we are about to meet our babies.”
“And find out what they are.” Huge tears form in her eyes and I lean forward to press my face into her hair as she whispers, “Am I a terrible mother for praying they aren’t both girls?”
I had never had the guts to say it aloud but I had prayed the same prayer. “No,” I keep my voice low. “You are a wonderful mother looking out for the well-being of our children.”
She pulls me closer and becomes the one pressing her face into my hair. “It makes me feel guilty to pray for such a thing if there are two healthy little girls in there.”
“I have faith that both of these babies are healthy no matter their gender. Don’t freak out if the first one is a girl because it doesn’t mean the next is a guaranteed fylgia. It could be a boy or another healthy girl.”
Dr. Knight pats Avery on the leg. “I want you to push really hard with your next contraction.”
Avery nods her understanding and less than a minute passes before she has another contraction. “I think it’s starting because I feel the pressure building.”
The nurse counts and instructs Avery on pushing as Dr. Knight reaches for instruments on the table by her side. I hear a snip and I don’t even want to know what she just cut. “Okay. Here comes the first one.”
I peer over the blue drape just in time to see a bright pink little person come out of my wife and I hold my breath as Dr. Knight places the crying baby on top of Avery’s abdomen. “You have a daughter with a headful of dark hair just like her daddy.”
Avery strokes her head while Dr. Knight clamps and cuts the umbilical cord. “Look at her, Sol. She’s beautiful. And perfect. And healthy.”
And her arrival makes it impossible for me to not dwell upon the safety of the other child as I look at her.
She’s screaming her head off when the staff takes her from Avery to the warmer so we can work on getting the next baby delivered. The nurse adjusts the fetal monitor for the second baby and I see the strange look on her face. “Looks like we’re running in the sixties.” I can only assume that isn’t good based on the nurse’s worried expression. “Now the fifties.”
Dr. Knight is watching the fetal monitor and looks at the nurse. “Give her some O2 by face mask.” She continues watching the heart beat. “Avery, the heart rate is down. I’m going to give it a minute to recover. If it does then I’ll let nature take its course and allow the uterus to do the work of pushing him or her into your pelvis on its own. If there isn’t an increase soon I’ll try to help this one come down so we can deliver vaginally.”
The next sixty seconds is one of the most important moments of our lives. “There’s no improvement so I’m going to see if I can help this little one out of there.” I watch Dr. Knight’s hand–and then arm–disappear inside my wife. I turn away because it’s more than I’m able to stand seeing. “This one isn’t coming on its own anytime soon and it’s too high for me to safely assist. We’re going to the OR if the heart rate doesn’t recover within the next minute.”
We already know that the fylgia is born second and dies after the safe delivery of the first infant–the agape. That could very likely be what is happening now but my heart isn’t ready to give up on this child. “Do whatever it takes to save this baby.”
Another minute passes and it feels like an eternity as we wait for the verdict. When it comes, it isn’t good. “There’s no improvement in the heart rate despite the oxygen. We can’t wait any longer. We have to go to the OR to get this baby out now.”
The room erupts into chaos as the staff scrambles to get Avery out of the delivery stirrups and back onto the bed so they can transport her to the OR. The staff is shouting back and forth and I’m lost as to what my role just became. “What do I do?”
Dr. Knight removes her gown and gloves and pulls me aside as the staff preps Avery. “We can’t use her epidural for the cesarean because it isn’t dosed with enough medicine for surgery. She’ll have to go to sleep so you can’t go back with her but if anything strange happens during the delivery, I’ll need you to wipe it from their minds so they can’t remember or document it.”
A full whirlwind later, Avery is whisked from the room. I catch up and run beside her bed. I stretch upward and she rolls toward me as I kiss her forehead. “I love you and everything is going to be okay.”
I just lied to my agápe. I have no idea if everything is going to be okay. And we both know it.
“I love you too,” she calls out as I watch her disappear down a sterile hallway leading to the OR where I once again have no control over her safety.
“You can wait in your wife’s room, Mr. Alexander.” I feel numb as I return to the place where it looks like a tornado just blew through leaving empty medical supply packaging in its path.
My daughter was taken to the nursery during the chaos so I’m alone behind the closed door and I drop to my knees to pray to anyone willing to hear my plea. “Please keep Avery and our child safe by placing your arms of safety around them both.” I don’t ask but it’s what I’m thinking. Please be a boy so we don’t have to worry about losing this child.
It seems an eternity when there’s finally a knock at the door. I recognize some of the staff from earlier but there’s a new face in the crowd this time. And it’s wrapped in a blue and pink beanie hat and soft flannel blanket. “Here’s your little trouble maker. I think you owe her a spanking for what she just pulled.”
My heart stumbles. She? “Another girl?”
“You seem surprised. Were you expecting a boy?” she says as she passes the baby girl to me.
I hesitate in answering because I’m too stunned as I look at my second daughter. “No. We didn’t know the gender.”