“You and our family will always be my number-one priority but please try to understand that protecting The Fellowship means keeping you and our children safe as well.”
I’m not fragile. I can handle the truth. “It’s easier to be understanding when you know what’s going on.”
“I would’ve told you if the circumstances weren’t what they were. I needed you calm. That wouldn’t have been the case had you known what I was in the middle of.”
The Order was once no concern of mine but all is different now. Everything they do impacts The Fellowship, thereby affecting my husband. That trickles down to me. I’m not okay with that. “The Order is a pest that must be squashed quickly.”
My husband grins. “Agreed. I’m open to ideas.”
“Debra could be very beneficial in dealing with The Order. She’s a genius when it comes to organized crime. She had eyes on The Fellowship for years and you were none the wiser. Most importantly, she’s a family friend. She can be trusted.”
“Call her. Have her put on payroll immediately.”
I thought he’d be interested. “She won’t be cheap but she’s worth every penny.”
“Don’t give a damn. Her fee couldn’t possibly exceed the expenses The Order costs us.”
“I’ll let her know.”
“We’ll schedule a leadership meeting for early next week. She can join us. I hope she’ll have some fresh ideas.”
I have no doubt she will.
“Debra understands the criminal mind in ways I’ve never seen. I can’t begin to comprehend the complexity of what she knows and understands. She’s a total mind-fuck.”
“I can’t believe we’ve never heard of her.”
“She’s a phantom.” I’d kill to be more like her.
“I would’ve loved nothing more than to go undercover within The Order.” It would have been incredibly satisfying to have done something like that for the brotherhood I now consider “my people.”
“I understand and respect your need to bring something productive to the table. It’s one of the things I love so dearly about you but you’ll have to find it in something that isn’t dangerous.”
“I can’t help it. I thrive in dangerous situations,” I say.
“Changing diapers can be dangerous stuff. Especially if we have a boy. I’ve heard those little buggers can open fire on you without any warning.”
I’m used to action. I fear I won’t find motherhood fulfilling. And I’m terrified to share that with Sin. “I have a lot to learn.”
He moves to the sofa and pulls my feet onto his lap to rub them. “Being a mother to our children will be the most important mission you’ll ever have. Never doubt that.”
* * *
The two-week wait has been hell but it ends today. I’m at my local OB/GYN having my beta HCG test. It’s the first in a series of blood tests to confirm whether I have conceived. If so, it will also confirm if the pregnancy is growing at a healthy pace.
They’ve drawn my blood and told me to expect the results in thirty minutes. More hell. It’s the worst kind because I know the answer is imminent.
My name is called. My legs are weak when I stand to walk so I loop my arm through Sin’s. He probably thinks I’m being affectionate but the truth is my knees could buckle at any time.
We’re taken to an exam room and left to wait. Again. Torturous.
“God, I hope I don’t have to get naked for this. I feel like I’ve shown my stuff to half the world.”
“You could show it to me if you like. I haven’t seen it in a really long time.”
My mind isn’t clear enough to come up with a clever response.
“Bonny. Are you okay?”
My heart is beating so hard I can feel it pulsating in my face. I hear it like a drum in my ears. I’m quite warm. Perhaps I should take off my sweater. “I’m nervous. That’s all.”
He looks so composed. It pisses me off he’s cool as a cucumber while I’m a total mess. “There’s no need to be.”
“How can you be so calm?”
“Because I’ve made up my mind that we’ll be fine no matter the result. You and I are always going to be okay. We don’t need a baby for that.” His mouth spreads into that lopsided grin I adore and it steadies my heart.
“God, I love you.”
He doesn’t get to reply because the door opens and a woman comes into the room. “Mrs. Bleu Breckenridge?”
“Yes.”
She passes a folder to me. It looks like a list of dos and don’ts during early pregnancy. “Your HCG came back at one hundred and ten. Anything above one hundred is considered a good start.”
I understand the lab value. I know what it means but I need to hear the words in English. “I’m pregnant?”
“Aye. Congratulations.”
Sin leans over and puts his arm around me. He kisses the top of my head without saying a word.
The nurse smiles as she pecks away on a computer. “Have you been trying for a long time?”
“No. This was our first attempt.”
“Way to go.” She continues typing. “We’ll need to see you back in three days to repeat the HCG and confirm it’s climbing. They’ll make your next appointment when you check out.”
We’re barely out of the clinic when Sin puts his arms around me. “I told myself it was fine if it didn’t happen but that was because I didn’t know I would be this happy if it did.” He lifts me and spins around. “You are so precious to me and now the life you carry is too.”
He returns my feet to the ground and kisses me hard, not caring who sees. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Sterling pulls into the circle drive in front of the clinic. We get in. “Put your seat belt on.”
I do but I would’ve worn it anyway. “Unlike you, I always wear my seat belt.”
I can see where this is headed. He’s going to become ultra protective. Oddly, I don’t mind. I know it’s because he loves us.
Us. I can’t contain the outward sign of the happiness that brings me.
“What are you smiling about?”
I shrug. “I have a lot to be happy about.”
“Aye, we do.”
I place my head against Sin’s shoulder as Sterling drives us home. The previous weeks have been mentally draining. I haven’t physically felt like my normal self. I guess I know why now.