In a blur, I was wheeled from an examining room into the OR. Jake momentarily left my side to get outfitted in his scrubs, hat, and mask. When he returned, they’d already given me an epidural, along with some other drugs, and erected a sheet, so I couldn’t see what was about to happen below my waist.
It felt like I was floating outside of my body. Tugging pressure came from below the sheet. I fought as hard as I could to say awake, but I felt myself drifting away into unconsciousness. “There he is!” Dr. Ghandi exclaimed. My droopy eyelids snapped open. Craning my neck, I gazed to where she held a wailing Jackson.
“God, he’s so beautiful,” I murmured, the oxygen tube moving tighter against my nose.
Dr. Ghandi passed Jackson to a nurse and then went back to work. My eyes cut across to where the nurses worked to clean Jax up. He appeared strong and healthy, and I wanted nothing more than to hold him in my arms and ease his crying. As if he could sense my thoughts, he turned his face toward me in the bassinet. “Hi sweetheart. Mommy’s here,” I called hoarsely.
“And here’s number two!” My eyes cut from Jax over to Jules. I knew immediately something was wrong. While Jax had cried heartily, Jules was silent, her lips blue. A flurry of activity began happening below my waist.
“What’s wrong? Why isn’t she crying?” I demanded.
Once she was cut from me, Jules was handed over to the charge nurse. She began suctioning Jules’s mouth while another nurse rubbed her tiny arms and legs. Tears blurred my eyes. “Jake!” I cried desperately. My arms were tied down so I couldn’t touch him.
His tender lips came to kiss my cheek. “Shh, it’s going to be okay, Abby. They’re working with her. I know she’s going to be just fine.” But the fear burning in his eyes was palpable. The small amount of skin showing outside his mask was pale.
I closed my eyes. “Please Susan,” I murmured.
“What sweetheart?” Jake asked.
I didn’t reply. Instead, I just kept praying to Susan to intercede on Jules’s behalf. I was still drifting between consciousness when Susan’s face appeared before me, and she smiled. My eyelids snapped open at as the sweetest sounding cry in the whole wide world echoed through the room. “See, she’s fine!” Jake exclaimed.
I barely got to see Jules’s wailing form before she was ushered out of the delivery room. “Where are they taking her?” I asked.
“To the NICU. They can better regulate her oxygen levels there,” a nurse replied.
I hated I couldn’t have just a moment with her to see her up close, maybe kiss her cheek or hands. But I was also so thankful she was all right, and they were working to make her healthy.
As Dr. Ghandi worked below my waist stitching me up, a nurse appeared at my side with Jackson in her arms. “Would you like to meet your son?”
“Oh, yes. Please.”
She laid Jackson gently on my chest where we were face to face. Jax strained to look at me. “Hi sweet boy,” I murmured. His image before me became wavy as my emotions overcame me, and I began to cry. I wanted more than anything to be able to hold him—to unwrap his blanket and count his tiny toes and fingers.
Jake’s thumb rubbed across Jackson’s cheek. “He’s pretty amazing, huh?”
“Yes, he is. I can’t believe we made him.”
With a grin, Jake said, “Once upon a time, he was just a part of some baby batter in a cup.”
I laughed. “You’re terrible.”
“But you love me anyway, right?”
“Oh yes. I think I love you more today than I ever had.”
Jake’s warm lips met mine. “I love you so much, Angel.” He bestowed kisses on both of Jax’s tiny cheeks. “And I love you, sweet, little man.”
“Why don’t you go out and tell everyone the good news?”
“I’d rather stay here with you two.”
“I’ll be fine. They’ll be taking him away to move me to recovery, where I’ll probably snooze until the drugs wear off.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” Jake asked.
I shook my head. “I know my parents are scared to death worrying about me and the twins. Go put them out of their misery.”
“Okay.” Jake bent over to kiss me once again. “You are the most amazing woman I know in the whole wide world.”
I couldn’t help laughing at his statement. “I’m not the first woman to give birth, Jake,” I countered.
He shook his head. “You’re the only woman I love who has.”
“You say the sweetest things,” I murmured.
“Only for you.” He kissed me again and then started for the door.
I had only a few more moments of bonding with Jax before they took him away. As they wheeled me into recovery, my eyelids began to flutter, and it wasn’t long before I fell into a contented sleep.
Chapter Sixteen
It was the big day—the day that the twins came home from the hospital. I wish I could say I was thrilled beyond belief, but at the very crux of my being, I was f**king terrified. In the hospital, we had a team of nurses and doctors at our disposal in case anything went wrong. At home, we were all on our own to somehow raise these two little lives. Of course, Abby was completely fearless when it came to the twins. She mastered breastfeeding the two of them at the same time, did great changing their diapers and giving them baths.
But me?
I was afraid that when I picked them up, I’d forget to support their head, causing them serious trauma. Or when I had to dress them or change their diaper, I feared pulling too hard on their arms or legs and having them fall off.
Oh yeah, I was a f**king basket case.
After what seemed like a small eternity, I got both Jax and Jules’s car seats strapped in our new family-friendly SUV. Thankfully, they snoozed the entire time I cussed and worked up a sweat at getting them in right. They’d conked out shortly after Abby filled them up at feeding time just before we came downstairs.
After they were born, both of them faced a gamut of issues that prevented us from going home immediately. First, Jax turned jaundice. Then Jules had sucking reflex issues, so she started losing weight. This took a while to resolve. I had to give major props to Abby. She handled it all like a trooper as she tried getting Jules back on the breastfeeding train. Me, I would have just said screw it and given Jules a bottle. But Abby was determined to have the same bonding experience with Jules as she did with Jax. Like always, my Angel was amazing. Finally, Jules had hit the regulation five pounds to go home last night. We hadn’t wanted to leave with Jax and not Jules.