Chewing on my nails, I let Susan’s words sink in. I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn’t know if I had the courage to do it. After all, the cards seemed stacked against me for anything about my plan to work out right. I was twenty-one years old, in love with a womanizing rock star who was going through emotional hell because of his mother’s illness and the fact a psychotic ex-girlfriend had beaten me, and my idea of making things better between us was to give him my virginity. Surely that made me crazy.
But when it all came down to it, it wasn’t just the desire pumping through me whenever I looked at Jake or when we were close to each other. No, I was crazy in love with him. I’d been in love with him before my accident, and after the last month with him, I was even more in love with him than ever before.
So it was now or never. I loved Jake, and I wanted to be with him. Who knew what the future held for us? But deep down, I would always regret it if the first man I loved wasn’t the first I slept with.
“Alrighty then,” I muttered before rising out of my chair. I stalked down the hallway and locked myself into the bedroom. My mind was now made up. Susan had planted a tiny seed, and I was going to act on it by going to Jake in the barn and seducing him.
I knew the first thing I needed to do was arm myself with the necessary tools. I had to look like sex to him. Well, I guess that wasn’t exactly true since the last time we had almost had sex I was wearing an old t-shirt and yoga pants, not to mention the fact we’d gotten pretty frisky this afternoon when I was wearing jeans and a sweater. Regardless of what had happened before, Jake needed to know just by looking at me tonight what I wanted.
I snapped my fingers and made my way over to the closet. Digging in my suitcase, I pulled out the white baby doll nightie I’d bought when I got the white dress for Jake. I slid on the glittery thong before shimmying into the nightie. Gazing at myself in the mirror, I turned left and right, appraising my reflection. I guess I looked sexy. The pearl and sequined encrusted bodice barely held in my cle**age, and it felt like at any minute my boobs might pop out of the front, which was probably a win-win situation considering how much Jake professed to like my boobs.
Pulling my hair out of my ponytail, I then brushed it until it to where it cascaded over my shoulders in waves. I reapplied a light coating of makeup, and when I finished, I rolled some shimmering colored lip gloss across my lips.
I slid my robe over my shoulders and stepped into my boots. Cracking open the door, I poked my head out and surveyed the scene. Susan’s door was shut tight, so I tip-toed down the hallway and then closed the front door quietly behind me. The full moon overhead lit my way across the yard to the barn.
Although Jake had six horses, they weren’t housed in the barn. Instead, they were down the hill in the stables. The ‘barn’ was more of a finished house or his bachelor pad, so to speak, where he had work-out equipment, a living area to relax in, and then the loft upstairs to sleep.
With gangsta rap blaring out of the stereo speakers, Jake didn’t even hear the door close. Over and over, he pummeled the punching bag as sweat dripped off his head and onto his shoulders.
“Jake,” I shouted.
The sound of my voice caused him to still instantly. His arms reached out to steady the swaying bag before he turned around. “What are you doing out here?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“About what?”
I crossed the gap between us. I was sure he could hear the knocking of my knees as I feared my wobbly legs wouldn’t hold me up. Without taking my eyes off of his, my trembling fingers went to the sash of my robe. I untied it and then slowly slid it off. When it dropped to the floor, it felt like the sound was so deafening that it echoed around us.
Jake’s blue eyes widened as his gaze trailed over the negligee. He licked his lips several times and swayed on his feet before he finally spoke. “Angel, what are you doing?”
“Seducing you.”
The corners of his lips twitched, and I could tell he was fighting not to laugh. “You came out here in some racy get-up to seduce me?”
“I-I want to be with you. I want you to make love to me.”
Jake’s eyebrows shot up before he quickly shook his head. “I told you no earlier, and I still mean it.”
My mouth gaped open in surprise. “That’s your response to this?” I motioned to my jacked-up cle**age.
His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down a few times as he swallowed hard. “Yeah, it is.”
He then bent over and snatched my robe up off the floor. “Now put this back on and go to bed.”
“Jake, I’m not in pain anymore. I’m healed, and I can do this—I want to do this.”
“No.”
Tears stung my eyes, and I bit down on my lip. “You seriously don’t want me?”
With a grunt, Jake replied, “Oh my dick wants you more than anything in the world right now. But for once, I’m going to think with the head on my shoulders, rather than the one below my waist.” Jake gripped the edges of my robe so hard his knuckles turned white. “Trust me, Angel, I’m the last man on earth you should want to give yourself to.”
“But I do want to be with you. I bought this a month ago when Lily convinced me to wear a white dress. I realized that day I wanted to be prepared because I knew sometime soon I would want to make love to you.”
My statement caused an agonized groan from Jake, but he didn’t respond. Instead, he paced anxiously around the room. Finally, he whirled around and threw up his hands in defeat. “After everything that happened with Bree and your recovery, I’ve been doing some thinking—hell you could even call it soul searching.”
“So have I, and I—”
His blue eyes blazed with fury. “Don’t you get it, Angel? You deserve a hell of a lot better than me, both in and out of the bedroom.”
“Not that bullshit again. I’m so sick of hearing how you think you aren’t worthy,” I protested.
“It’s the truth, dammit! You’re this beautiful, pure spirit, and I’m corrupted and tainted from my past. I won’t put that on you.”
Taking a tentative step forward, I took his hand in mind. I brought it to my lips and kissed along his knuckles. “You’re not able to see yourself like I do. You’re deserving of my love, and I want to give it to you in all ways.”
His expression darkened. “But I haven’t made love since I was eighteen years old—if I even did it then. I only know how to f**k girls, and there’s no way in hell I’ll f**k you!”