Mr Nicholls opened the car door, bringing with him the smell of hot, fatty meat. He was grinning as he sat down. His kebab was swaddled in white, grease-stained paper, and shredded green salad bushed from both sides of the meat, like Kitchener’s moustache. Two twin bungee ropes of drool dropped immediately from Norman’s mouth. ‘You sure you don’t want some?’ he said cheerfully, turning towards Nicky and Tanzie. ‘I only put a bit of chilli sauce on.’
‘No. That’s very kind, but no thank you,’ said Mum, firmly, and gave Nicky a warning look.
‘No, thanks,’ Tanzie said quietly. It smelt delicious.
‘No. Thank you,’ said Nicky, and turned his face away.
‘Right. Who wants another sandwich?’ said Mum.
Nuneaton, Market Bosworth, Coalville, Ashby de la Zouch, the signs passed by in a steady blur. They could have said Zanzibar and Tanzania for all Tanzie knew of where they actually were. She found herself repeating Ashby de la Zouch, Ashby de la Zouch, and thinking it would be a good name to have. Hi – what’s your name? I’m Ashby de la Zouch. Hey, Ashby! That’s so cool! Costanza Thomas was five syllables too, but it didn’t have the same rhythm. She considered Costanza de la Zouch, which was six, and then Ashby Thomas, which sounded flat by comparison.
Costanza de la Zouch.
The car slowed for a traffic jam that seemed to be caused by nothing, and they had to double back once when Mr Nicholls took a wrong turning. He seemed a bit distracted.
Costanza de la Zouch.
They had been back on the open road for 389 lampposts when Mr Nicholls said he had to stop the car. Usually it was one of them who asked to stop. Tanzie kept getting dehydrated and drinking too much, then needing a wee. Norman whined to go every twenty minutes, but they could never tell if he genuinely needed one or was as bored as they were and just wanted a little sniff around. Mum was reading again, with the passenger light on, and Mr Nicholls kept shifting around in his seat, until finally he said, ‘That map … is there a restaurant or something up ahead?’
‘You’re still hungry?’ Mum looked up.
‘No. I – I need the loo.’
Mum went back to her book. ‘Oh, don’t mind us. Just go behind a tree.’
‘Not that kind of loo,’ he muttered.
‘Oh.’ Mum picked the map out of his glove compartment. ‘Well, judging by this, Kegworth is the nearest town. I’m sure there’ll be somewhere you could go. Or there might be a services if we can get to the dual carriageway.’
‘Which is closest?’
Mum traced the map with her finger. ‘Hard to say. Kegworth?’
‘How far?’
‘Ten minutes?’
‘Okay.’ He nodded, almost to himself. ‘Ten minutes is okay.’ He said it again, and his face was weirdly shiny. ‘Ten minutes is doable.’
Nicky had his ear-buds in and was listening to music. Tanzie was stroking Norman’s big soft ears and thinking about string theory. And then suddenly Mr Nicholls swerved the car abruptly into a lay-by. Everyone lurched forward. Norman nearly rolled off the seat. Mr Nicholls threw open the driver’s door, ran round the back, and as she turned in her seat, he crouched down by a ditch, one hand braced on his knee, and began heaving. It was impossible not to hear him, even with the windows closed.
They all stared.
‘Whoa,’ said Nicky. ‘That’s a lot of stuff coming out of him. That’s like … whoa, that’s like the Alien.’
‘Oh, my God,’ said Mum.
‘It’s disgusting,’ Tanzie said, peering over the back shelf.
‘Quick,’ said Mum. ‘Where’s that kitchen roll, Nicky?’
They watched as she got out of the car and went to help him. He was doubled over, like his stomach was really hurting. When she saw Tanzie and Nicky were staring out of the back window, she flicked her hand like they shouldn’t look, even though she had been doing the exact same thing.
‘Still want a kebab?’ Tanzie said to Nicky.
‘You’re an evil sprite,’ he said, and shuddered.
Mr Nicholls walked back to the car like someone who’d only just learnt how to do it. His face had gone this weird pale yellow. His skin was dusted with tiny beads of sweat.
‘You look awful,’ Tanzie told him.
He eased himself back into his seat. ‘I’ll be fine,’ he whispered. ‘Should be fine now.’
Mum reached back through the seats and mouthed, ‘Plastic bag.’ Tanzie handed over hers. ‘Just in case,’ she said cheerfully, and opened her window a bit.
Mr Nicholls drove really slowly for the next few miles. So slowly that two cars kept flashing them from behind and one driver sat on his horn really angrily as he passed. Sometimes he veered a bit across the white line, like he wasn’t really concentrating, but Tanzie registered Mum’s determined silence and decided not to say anything.
‘How long now?’ Mr Nicholls kept muttering.
‘Not long,’ said Mum, even though she probably had no idea. She patted his arm, like he was a child. ‘You’re doing really well.’
When he looked at her, his eyes were anguished.
‘Hang on in there,’ she said quietly, and it was like an instruction.
And then, about half a mile further along, ‘Oh, God,’ he said, and slammed the brakes on again. ‘I need to –’
‘Pub!’ Mum yelled, and pointed towards one, its light just visible on the outskirts of the next village. ‘Look! You can make it!’
Mr Nicholls’s foot went down on the accelerator so that Tanzie’s cheeks were pulled back in G-force. He skidded into the car park, threw the door open, staggered out and hurled himself inside.
They sat there, waiting. The car was so quiet that they could hear the engine ticking.
After five minutes, Mum leant across and pulled his door shut to keep the chill out. She looked back and smiled at them. ‘How was that Aero?’
‘Nice.’
‘I like Aeros too.’
Nicky, his eyes closed, nodded to the music.
A man pulled into the car park with a woman wearing a high ponytail and looked hard at the car. Mum smiled. The woman did not smile back.
Ten minutes went by.
‘Shall I go and get him?’ said Nicky, pulling his ear-buds from his ears and peering at the clock.
‘Best not,’ said Mum. Her foot had started tapping.
Another ten minutes passed. Finally, when Tanzie had taken Norman for a walk around the car park and Mum had done some stretches on the back of the car because she said she was bent out of shape, Mr Nicholls emerged.