He trails off because he’s still seeing the look on my face.
I have to turn away from him.
“I’m still me,” he says quietly. “I’m still Todd.”
But he isn’t. He isn’t the same Todd whose thoughts spilled out all over the place in a big, colourful mess, the one who couldn’t tell a lie if his life depended on it, who didn’t tell a lie when his life did depend on it, the Todd that saved my life more than once, in more than one way, that Todd who I could hear every uncomfortable thought of, who I could count on, who I knew–
Who I–
“I ain’t changed,” he says. “I’m just more like you, more like all the men you grew up knowing, more like Bradley used to be.”
I keep looking away from him, hoping he can’t see how weary I feel, how my arm throbs with every breath, how bad the fever is gouging me out. “I’m really tired, Todd,” I say. “It’s only tomorrow morning. I have to rest.”
“Viola–”
“You need to be out there with them anyway,” I say. “Make sure the Mayor and Mistress Coyle don’t set themselves up as interim leaders.”
He stares at me. “I don’t know what interim means.”
And that’s close enough to the Todd I know that I smile, a little. “I’ll be fine. I just need some sleep.”
He still stares. “Are you dying, Viola?”
“What?” I say. “No. No, I’m not–”
“Are you dying and yer just not telling me?” His eyes are boring into me now, filled with concern.
But I still can’t hear him.
“I’m not getting better,” I say, “but that doesn’t mean I’m going to die any time soon. Mistress Coyle’s bound to find something, and if she can’t, the convoy has all kinds more advanced medical stuff than the scout ship has. I can hang on ’til then.”
He’s still staring. “Cuz I couldn’t stand it if–” His voice is thick. “I just couldn’t take that, Viola. I just couldn’t.”
And then there it is–
His Noise, still way too quiet, but there, burning away underneath him, burning away with how he’s feeling and how true it is and how worried he is for me and I can hear it, just faintly but I can hear it–
And then I hear, I am the Circle–
And he goes quiet again, quiet as a stone.
“I’m not dying,” I say, looking away from him.
Todd just stands there for a second. “I’ll be right outside,” he finally says. “You call if you need anything. You call me and I’ll get it for you.”
“I will,” I say.
He nods, his lips held tight. He nods again.
Then he goes.
I sit there quietly for a while, listening to the ROAR of the army in the square outside and the raised voices of the Mayor and Mistress Coyle and Simone and Bradley and Lee still arguing.
But I don’t hear Todd.
[TODD]
Bradley sighs loudly, after what seems like hours spent bickering round the campfire, shivering against the freezingist part of the night. “So it’s agreed then?” he says. “We offer an immediate ceasefire on both sides, with a line drawn under all past actions. After that, the issue of the river and then we start laying the groundwork for how we can all live together.”
“Agreed,” the Mayor says. He don’t even look tired.
“Yes, fine,” Mistress Coyle says, grunting with stiffness as she stands. “It’s getting on towards morning. We need to get back.”
“Get back?” I say.
“The people on the hilltop need to know what’s going on, Todd,” she says. “Plus, I’ll need to get Wilf to bring Viola’s horse down here because she’s certainly not going to be able to walk up that hill. Not with that fever.”
I look back to the scout ship, hoping Viola’s at least sleeping inside, hoping she actually does feel better when she wakes.
Wondering if she lied about dying.
“How is she really?” I say to Mistress Coyle, getting up after her. “How sick is she?”
Mistress Coyle looks at me for a long, long moment. “She’s not well, Todd,” she says, very serious. “I just hope everyone’s doing everything they can to help her.”
And she leaves me standing there. I look back at the Mayor, who’s watching Mistress Coyle walk away from me. He comes over. “You’re worried about Viola,” he says, not asking it. “I agree she’s looked better.”
“If something happens to her cuz of that band,” I say, my voice low and strong. “I swear to God I’ll–”
He holds up a hand to stop me. “I know, Todd, even more than you think.” And again, his voice sounds as true as anything. “I’ll have my doctors redouble their efforts. Don’t worry. I’m not going to let anything happen to her.”
“Me neither,” Bradley says, overhearing us. “She’s a fighter, Todd, and if she thinks she’s strong enough to go up that hill tomorrow, we have to believe her. And I’ll be there to make sure nothing happens, believe you me.” And I hear in his Noise that he means every word. He sighs. “Though I guess that means I’m going to need a horse, too.” Even though I don’t know how to ride one, his Noise adds, a bit worried.
“I’ll ask Angharrad to take you,” I say, looking over to where she’s munching on some hay. “She can watch over both of you.”
He smiles. “You know, Viola once told us that if we were ever in doubt about what’s happening here, that we could count on you above all things.”
I feel my face get hot. “Yeah,” I say, “well.”
He gives my shoulder a hard, friendly pat. “We’ll fly back down here at dawn,” he says. “And who knows? Maybe peace by the end of the day.” He winks. “And then maybe you can show me how you keep so quiet.”
He, Lee, Simone and Mistress Coyle make their way back to the scout ship, Mistress Coyle leaving her ox-cart behind for Wilf to pick up. Bradley makes an announcement on a speaker for everyone to move back. The soldiers do, the engines start to grind, and up it rises on a cushion of air.
I hear the Mayor’s voice before the ship’s even halfway back to the hill.
“Gentlemen!” he shouts, his voice twisting and turning hard into the men nearby and echoing thru to every man in the square.