His bloody, burning, smoking chest–
“TODD!” I shout and leap for him–
And he’s falling back onto the sand, his mouth open in pain–
But no air is coming out or in, just raking, choking sounds in his throat–
And I’m throwing myself down on top of him, blocking another shot if it comes, reaching for his burning clothes, which are disintegrating across his chest, just vaporizing away–
“TODD!”
And he’s looking into my eyes, terrified, his Noise wheeling wildly out of control, spinning with terror and pain–
“No,” I say, “No no no no no–”
And I can barely hear the hoofbeats of the battlemore still racing for us–
Barely hear another set of hoofbeats behind that–
Hear Ben’s voice echoing across the sand–
Wait, he’s yelling–
“Todd?” I say, tearing the melting clothes off his chest, seeing the terrible, terrible burning beneath, his skin bleeding and bubbling and still that awful choking sound from his throat, like the muscles in his chest have stopped working, like he can’t make them move to take in a breath–
Like’s he’s choking to death–
Like he’s dying right now, right here on this cold, snowy beach–
“TODD!”
And the battlemores are closing in behind me–
And I hear the Noise of 1017, hear that he fired the weapon–
Hear as he realizes his mistake–
That he thought he was shooting the Mayor–
But he wasn’t, he wasn’t–
And Ben is riding in behind him–
Ben’s Noise ramming forward with fear–
But all I can see is Todd–
All I can see is him looking back at me–
His eyes wide open–
His Noise saying, No, no, not now, not NOW–
And then he says, Viola?
“I’m here, Todd,” I say, my voice breaking, shouting with desperation. “I’m here!”
And he says, Viola? again–
Asking it–
Asking like he’s not sure I’m there–
And then his Noise falls completely silent–
And he stops struggling–
And looking right into my eyes–
He dies.
My Todd dies.
{VIOLA}
“Todd!” I shout–
No–
No–
No–
He can’t be dead–
He can’t be–
“TODD!”
Like saying his name will make it untrue, will make time go backwards–
Make Todd’s Noise start again–
Make his eyes see me–
“TODD!”
I shout it again but it’s like my voice is underwater and all I can hear is my own breath in my ears and my voice rasping his name–
“TODD!”
Another set of arms crosses mine, Ben, falling into the sand next to me, his voice and Noise tearing to bits, saying Todd’s name–
And he starts grabbing handfuls of snow to pack onto Todd’s wound, trying to freeze it, stop the bleeding–
But it’s already too late–
He’s gone–
He’s gone–
Todd is gone.
And everything is suddenly moving so slowly–
Angharrad calling out Boy colt–
Ben putting his face close to Todd’s, listening for his breath, not finding it–
“Todd, please!” I hear him say–
But it’s like it’s from a great distance–
Like it’s happening out of my reach–
And there are more footsteps behind me, footsteps I can hear as if there were no other sounds in the universe–
1017–
Off his battlemore, his Noise reeling from his mistake–
His Noise wondering if it was a mistake after all–
And I turn to face him–
(THE SKY)
She turns to face me–
And though she has no voice, I see enough to step back–
She rises to her feet–
I step back again, dropping my weapon onto the snowy sand, only now realizing I still held it–
“You!” she spits, coming towards me, the chirping sounds from her mouth making a terrible sound, a sound of rage, a sound of grief–
I did not know, I show, still stepping away from her. I thought he was the leader of the Clearing–
(did I?)
“You liar!” she shouts. “I can hear you! You weren’t sure! You weren’t sure and you fired anyway–”
It is a wound from a weapon of the Land, I show. The medicine of the Land might save him–
“It’s too late for that!” she shouts. “You’ve killed him!”
I look beyond her to the Source who holds the Knife in his arms, packing more ice onto the Knife’s chest, knowing it does no good, his voice rending with grief, his human voice wailing from his mouth–
And I see that it is true–
I have killed the Knife–
I have killed the Knife–
“SHUT UP!” she shouts–
I did not mean to, I show, realizing too late that it is true. I did not want to.
“Well, you did!” she spits at me again–
And then she sees my weapon lying on the sand where I dropped it–
{VIOLA}
I see the weapon, the white stick weapon of the Spackle lying on the ground, lying there white against the white snow–
I hear Ben crying behind me, saying Todd’s name over and over again and my own heart is painful in my chest, so painful I can barely breathe–
But I see the weapon–
And I reach down and pick it up–
And I point it at 1017–
He doesn’t back away any further, just watches me raise it–
I am sorry, he says, raising his hands slightly in the air, those too long hands that killed my Todd–
“Sorry won’t bring him back,” I say through clenched teeth and though my eyes are filled with water, a terrible clarity comes over me. I feel the weight of the weapon in my hands. I feel the intention in my heart that will let me use it.
Though I don’t know how.
“Show me!” I shout at him. “Show me how so I can kill you!”
Viola, I hear behind me, Ben’s voice choked with grief. Viola, wait–
“I will not wait,” I say, my voice hard, my arm still raised with the weapon. “SHOW ME!”
I am sorry, 1017 says again and even in my fury, I can see that he means it, I can see that he really is sorry that he did it, that his horror at it just grows and grows, not only for what he did to Todd but for what it will mean for the future, that his mistake will reach far beyond us here, that it’s a mistake he would take back for anything in the world–