“You took me to Duffie’s and didn’t tell me that it was your uncle’s place?”
“Whoa! You took the chick home?” Sydney asked.
“Sydney,” Grant snapped, shaking his head.
“Um…what am I missing?” I asked.
“I know you said she didn’t know, Grant, but—”
“Sydney!” he practically shouted. He pointed away from him. “Go.”
Sydney rolled her big brown eyes. “Whatever. I’m going to go find Miller.”
I waited until he had calmed down a bit before speaking. “What don’t I know?”
“Ari, I can’t…” He took a deep breath. “There are some things that you don’t know about me.”
I nodded. There was a lot that he didn’t know about me. “I want to know though.”
“You might have a different impression about me.” He looked completely torn.
I wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t want to tell me or because he really wanted to tell me.
“How could I have a different impression about you?”
He shook his head and glanced away from me. “I don’t really talk about it. The guys don’t even know. Well, they know some of it but not all of it.”
“The guys don’t know?” I was shocked.
They were his best friends. He’d known them since middle school. What could he tell me that he hadn’t even told them?
“Yeah.”
“Does this have something to do with your family?”
The last time he’d brought up his dad, he had completely clammed up, and now, Sydney had just been talking about his uncle. I didn’t know what it was, but I could piece together some context clues.
His eyes stared down at me in utter shock. “How…”
“Good guess.” I gently laced our fingers together.
His brow furrowed, and he looked like he was warring with himself. I’d never seen him look so…vulnerable.
“You can trust me,” I whispered.
His lips fell on top of mine, and the noise from the lodge and all the people in it disappeared.
“You know there’s never been anyone else like you in my life, Ari.”
My heart thudded in my chest. “I feel the same way.”
At that moment, the first band of the night started up onstage, and the crowd gravitated toward them.
“Come with me,” he said.
Then, he led me out of the ski lodge.
Chapter 29: Grant
I didn’t know what the f**k I was doing. I’d never f**king told anyone about this. I never f**king talked about it. I never even discussed it with the people who knew, like Sydney.
I didn’t touch those memories. They were the motherfucking crux of my emotionless existence. They ate at my very being and reminded me how much of a worthless piece of shit I was.
So, I tried everything to get rid of them.
I tried to outrun them.
I tried to drown them in booze, music, and sex.
I use any and everything to force them down deeper and deeper within me.
When that stuff had stopped working, I would f**king knock the memories upside the head with the flat side of a shovel, dig the memories’ graves with it, and bury them six feet under.
Ari was the only thing that had ever made me simply forget without trying, without self-medicating, without riding out a high. Now, I was going to take my only hope of forgetting and tell her what had happened?
She was the last person I wanted to know about it. I didn’t want to see the fear or pity or sorrow in her eyes. I didn’t want to get that from her. Maybe I should turn it around and just try to f**k her.
No. Fuck.
I didn’t f**king know.
So, I just kept my damn mouth shut as I guided her back to my room. We’d splurged on a suite so that we would all have more space and our own rooms. I left Ari in the living room to find some liquor in the mini bar. I poured myself whiskey on the rocks and her a glass of wine. She took it graciously, but I could tell that curiosity was burning a hole through her.
Even though she didn’t touch her drink, I took a long sip of the whiskey, letting the burning sensation spread through my stomach. I nodded my head toward the far wall, walked her over to the door, and opened it into the master suite. Her eyes widened, taking in the luxurious surroundings. I’d claimed the best room. It was lush with a massive bed, Jacuzzi tub, walk-in shower, and the best view of the mountains.
I’d thought I’d be f**king her here tonight, not telling her about my past. I guessed she deserved to know the kind of person she was going to give herself to—that was, if she even wanted me afterward.
“Grant,” she whispered.
I glanced up at her and tried to push down my rising desire at seeing her gorgeous body here in my suite, standing by my bed. It was a defense mechanism. I just wanted to bury myself in her and forget everything.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
I sighed and made up my mind. “Yes, I do.”
“I can tell that you’re beating yourself up about it. I just didn’t want you to think that you had to do anything just because Sydney had slipped and mentioned it.”
Fuck. This woman. She was too good to me
“Just take a seat,” I told her. If I’m going to do this, then I need to do it now.
“Okay,” she said softly, hoisting herself up onto the bed with her feet dangling.
I paced back and forth, not sure where to start.
Here goes nothing.
“I grew up as a military brat. Born in Knoxville and moved all over the country for the next eight years before we landed at Fort Benning in Columbus, Georgia.”
“I thought you grew up down the shore?” Ari asked.
“I’ll get to that.” I ran a hand back through my hair and started pacing again. “My dad…well, I’m still not sure what he did for the Army. He was gone a lot, so my mom basically raised me. He had been deployed overseas and one day, when he came back, and he was different. I was only nine years old, so my mom didn’t give me any details.”
Ari wrung her hands in her lap. Her face was a mask of concern. “Did something happen to him overseas that made him different?”
“Yeah. He set a house on fire, but they hadn’t gotten all the civilians out. He could still hear their screams when he went to sleep.”
Ari’s hands flew to her mouth. Her face was stricken. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry yet,” I said grimly. “My dad insisted that he didn’t need to see any doctors. He just needed some fresh air to clear his head. He retired from the Army, moved us back to Knoxville, and spent the next year skinning squirrels alive in the woods.”