“Breakin’ hearts and blowin’ minds! Or blowin’ something,” she says with a devilish wink.
“Oh Lord!” I shake my head. She’s incorrigible. She’s also practically impossible to insult. Obviously.
“Now, stop changing the subject. Did you do it?”
I can’t hide the smile that tugs at my lips. She’s too observant.
She points animatedly at me. “You did! You did! How was it? Which one was better? And when will the other one be coming to visit me?”
“Well, that’s the thing. I’m not exactly sure which one I slept with.”
I cringe when I see her turn wide, shocked eyes on me. Ginger just also happens to be nearly unshockable. The fact that I’ve managed it can’t possibly be a good sign.
“How does that even happen?”
I go through the story. The short, less detailed version of course. When I’m finished, she starts laughing. Hard.
“Well, you know what you have to do now, right?”
“I’m not asking them, if that’s what you’re about to suggest.”
“Oh, hell no. I was just gonna say you have to sleep with them both now. It’s the only way you’ll be able to tell who owns the enchanted tongue.” Ginger turns a wicked smile on me. “Oh, poor you. Forced to have vagina-exploding sex with hot twins. Oh, please no! Anything but that!”
“If it was just that, it’d be fine, but you know I can’t…I don’t…”
I’m picking at my fingernails, but still, from the corner of my eye, I see Ginger look at me.
“This isn’t about that jackhole, Gabe, is it?”
“You know Gabe has nothing to do with—”
“Bullshit! Liv, you’ve got to get over that. Just because a guy looks or dresses or acts a certain way doesn’t mean he’s just like Gabe. And, by the same token, just because a guy doesn’t look, dress or act like him doesn’t mean he’s not. You can’t judge all books by that emotionally-stunted, dim-witted, tiny-dicked prick’s cover. You can’t stop taking chances in life just because you got burned.”
I think of my earlier decision to take the risk with Cash. But I also think of how amazingly supportive and considerate Nash was when I called. If Ginger’s right, despite their outward appearances, either one could be Gabe all over again. But how will I ever know which one is and which one isn’t?
Or maybe they both are.
Go with your gut. Go with what you know. Nash is the good guy. Cash is the bad boy. Bad boys don’t change their spots.
But Nash is taken.
Cash is not.
Nash is offering me nothing.
Cash wants to be honest and give me what he’s capable of.
Is it worth it to have either of them in my life? Or would I be better off to turn my back on both of them? And run.
Sensing my mood, Ginger changes the subject to a much less upsetting one—sex toys.
Oh, Ginger!
********
I’m pretty shocked when I walk through the front door and see a hospital bed in the living room. My heart drops onto the hardwoods with a thud only I can hear.
When I see my father sitting in his favorite old green recliner with his white casted leg resting on a pillow, I feel minimally relieved, albeit still confused. The cast is not on the lower half of his leg, like I expected. It goes all the way up to his hip.
My father broke his femur. And no one told me.
Damn it to hell!
I drop my bags in the floor and go straight to him, hands on hips, fully armed with righteous indignation.
“And you couldn’t have called to tell me? You let me find out days later from Ginger of all people?”
I can see by the look in his hazel eyes that he’s slipping into feather-soothing mode. It’s that desire to avoid confrontation that eventually drove my mother to leave and find greener, stronger pastures. And richer pastures. And more successful pastures. Basically any other pasture than the one she was grazing in. The cow!
Sometimes it’s all I can do not to hate her.
“Now, punk,” he begins, using my childhood pet name, the one that always turns me to putty in his hands. “You know I’d never keep something from you unless I knew it was best for you. You’ve got so much on your plate with this new job and with your last year of school and living with your cousin, I would never want to add to your load. Try to see it from my perspective,” he finishes sweetly.
It’s impossible to be mad when he does this. I must admit it can be very frustrating, though.
I drop to my knees at his feet. “Dad, you should’ve called.”
“Liv, there’s nothing you could’ve done. Except worry. And now you’re missing work. Because of me.”
“It’s not a big deal. Ginger mentioned the lambs. I’ll get them squared away and be back to work in no time.”
He closes his eyes and leans his head back, rolling it back and forth over the headrest in exasperation. He says nothing for a few seconds, effectively ending this portion of the conversation.
It’s another frustrating habit of his. He just stops. Stops talking, stops discussing. Just… stops.
I notice a few more gray hairs at his temples than last I’d seen. And it seems the brackets that frame his mouth are deeper. Today, he looks so much older than his forty-six years. His hard, disappointing life has always taken a toll. And now it’s showing.
“What can I do to help, Dad? I’m here so you might as well put me to work. How are the books?”
He doesn’t look at me, but he answers. “The books are fine. I’ve been having Jolene help me with them in between your visits.”
I grit my teeth. Jolene thinks she’s an accountant. Only she’s not. Not by a long shot. I’m sure there’s a mess to clean up. I feel a sigh coming on, so I change the subject.
“What about the house? Is there anything that needs doing around here?”
Finally, he raises his head and looks at me. There’s humor in his eyes. “I’m a grown man, Liv. I know how to make do without my daughter here to take care of me.”
I roll my eyes. “I know that, Dad. That’s not what I’m saying and you know it.”
He reaches forward and grabs a chunk of hair near my ear. He tugs on it, just like he used to tug on my pig tails when I was little. “I knew what you meant. But I also know you think you have to take care of me, especially since your mother left. But you don’t, Hon. It would kill me to see you put your life on hold to come back here. Go find a better life somewhere else. That’s what would make me happy.”