“That’s not me making you nauseous. That’s nerves. You think I don’t know what’s going on, but I do-oo,” she gloats in her singsong voice.
“And just what do you think is going on?”
“I think you invited the big bad preacher over here because you’re gonna ask for his daughter’s hand. And I think that’s why you’re so grouchy. And I think that’s why you’re so nervous. And I also think it’s the sweetest thing ever!” With a squeal, Jenna throws her arms around my neck and kisses my cheek loudly. “I hope he tells you no just to yank your chain. And then, when I jump in to restrain you from kicking his ass, he’ll tell you to please take his daughter to the bedroom and ravage her immediately, and you’ll live happily ever after.”
When she finally leans back, I frown down at her. “What the hell have you been smoking?”
“Oh, come on!” she says, slapping my arm. “You need to ask that girl to marry you before someone else does. I’ve never seen you this happy. And you’re just enough of an idiot to do something stupid, like wait too long and screw it up. I can’t stand the—”
“Damn, Jenna, take a breath. And hush that loud mouth of yours,” I say in a quieter voice. “They’ll be here any minute.”
“What does it matter if they hear me? If you weren’t planning on asking—”
I clamp my hand over her mouth and growl into her ear. “Fine, you’re right. Now would you shut the hell up?”
Squealing even louder, Jenna bounces up and down, clapping her hands excitedly. “Yaaay! I’m gonna have a sisterrr!”
“Jenna, shhh,” I hiss. But I can’t really get mad at her. I feel a lot like that on the inside. Just more nervous. And, truth be told, I’m not nearly as nervous about Mr. Holt saying no as I am about Laney saying no. Although she’s opened up and loosened up a ton since we met, her still waters run very deep. She’s never said she has any reservations about me or us, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t harboring any. And there’s no time like a proposal to make you start considering all things, weighing all things. Seeing things from all angles. Seeing all the rough edges.
For me, the thought of spending the rest of my life with Laney makes me happy. Happier than I’ve ever been. She’s what I want out of life. And I’m more certain of it with every passing day. With time, rather than finding things I don’t like or things that drive me crazy, I think I love her more. And the more I find out about her, the more I find to love.
I hear Einstein barking and my pulse speeds up. Jenna looks at me with wide eyes and whispers, “He’s here.”
I’m sure it is Mr. Holt. I purposely told him and his wife a slightly earlier time than anyone else. I knew I’d want to get it over with rather than worrying about it the whole time.
I take a deep breath and look at my beaming sister. “Wish me luck.”
Her eyes start to water when she responds. “You won’t need it. I’ve always believed you deserved all the happiness in the world, even when you didn’t.”
I pause on my way to the door, looking back at my sister. “Jenna, I . . .” I don’t even know what to say to her, how to explain what I’m feeling. “I love you.”
In all our years together, I’ve never told her that. I hope that she realizes the significance, even if she doesn’t fully understand it. I want her to know that she means a lot to me, whether I’ve ever shown it or not.
“I know,” she breathes, shakily. “I’m just glad you let go of whatever it was that’s been holding you back all these years. I won’t pretend to get it, but I’m glad you’re not hiding from it anymore. You deserve better than that.”
Impulsively, I walk back to her and kiss her cheek. “Now don’t say anything to embarrass me, and for the love of all that’s holy, watch your trashy mouth.”
Jenna sniffs loudly and tosses her hair over her shoulder. “I stop cussing for no one.” I give her my sternest look. She sighs and smiles sweetly. “Except for you. Just this once.”
“Better. Now, go make yourself scarce. I’ve got some charming to do.”
She probably doesn’t think I hear her whisper as I leave the room, but I do.
“Go get ’em, Jake.”
So I do.
THIRTY-NINE: Laney
My pocket feels heavy. I feel lopsided, like everything in me is leaning. Leaning and holding its breath.
I’ve never been more nervous. Yet I’ve never been more certain.
Over the last couple of months, Jake and I have talked about all sorts of things—our hopes and dreams, our fears and trials, our plans and timetables. Hearing him say that he wants the same things I want, one by one, has been the most amazing unfolding of my life. It’s like the dreams I’ve had since I was little were right on target, they were just missing one vital ingredient—the perfect man to tweak them just a tad.
Yes, I still want to get married. Yes, I still want to have a family. Yes, I still want a place to put down roots and call home. Yes, I still want a love that will grow better as we grow older. I still want all those things. But now, they have a face. All of them. They all revolve around Jake.
He took them and made them ours, not just mine. And he brought his own special brand of wild to them. Never have I wanted to travel and experience new things in life, but now I do. I want to take off to parts unknown and go cliff diving with Jake at my side. I want to parasail in warm Mediterranean waters and hang glide over rain forest treetops. I want to do it all. And then I want to come back home to the life we’ve built and sit in front of the fireplace on cold winter nights, and skinny-dip in the river on warm summer ones.
All my life was ever missing was Jake.
It all starts and ends with him.
I just hope that he feels the same way about me.
I’m always hoping . . .
FORTY: Jake
I usher the Holts into my backyard. Jenna appears within seconds, wearing a huge smile. Mentally, I roll my eyes. She’s a shitty secret keeper!
“Can I get you two some lemonade?”
“That would be lovely,” Mrs. Holt says. Mr. Holt nods.
“This is my sister, Jenna. Jenna, Mr. and Mrs. Holt, Laney’s parents.”
“It’s a pleasure,” she says brightly, then disappears back inside to get the lemonade.
“Beautiful place you’ve got here. You’ve done a good job keeping it up after Cris passed,” Mr. Holt says. I’m sure, for someone like me, that’s his highest compliment.