And, just like that, he’s human. And vulnerable. And slightly imperfect. And even more dangerous to me than he was before.
FOUR: Jet
I thought at first she was going to just walk away. Ignore me. And that’s never happened before. Never. I tell myself that’s why I told her my name. My real name. Normally, I guard that like I guard my heart—with a grip like a bear trap, ready to take off the limbs of any who might seek to uncover it. Yet I just handed it over to this girl. Because she wasn’t responding to me.
What kind of messed-up egotistical shit is that?
But my instinct was obviously spot-on. My unusual and notably impulsive revelation worked. I see the change on her face, in her eyes the instant my words penetrate the wall she was erecting.
Her grin is small, but open and sympathetic. “Really?”
I give her an exaggerated sigh. “Really. See why I go by ‘Jet’?”
Her smile widens, bringing out a dimple at one corner of her mouth. My first thought is that I’d like to lick it. My second is to wonder what she’d do if I did. Slap me? Cuss me out? Kiss me? Take me outside and beg me to get between those long legs? With a walking, talking contradiction like this woman, it’s hard to say, but I’m very anxious to find out.
FIVE: Violet
For a few seconds, my heart feels light. I’m not thinking of serious things or concentrating on being responsible. For a few seconds, I’m not feeling defensive or calculating ways I can avoid being sucked into some destructive habit. No, for just a few seconds, I feel happy and worry-free. Playful. Impulsive. More like the friends and family I’ve been surrounded by all my life, the ones who never consider consequences or stress about tomorrow.
But that’s not me. It never has been. I’m not that girl—one that would hang around a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting for any length of time to talk to anybody. I’ve never found someone that interesting. Or found myself this interested. And yet, here I am, thinking I’d like nothing more than to stand here and talk to this handsome stranger who suddenly seems to be more than meets the eye.
With the DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! alerts going off like crazy in my head, I remind myself that this is the kind of thing that could get a girl into trouble. I’ve seen it far too many times.
It takes great effort to tear my eyes away from his, but I do it. I expect to feel instantly clearheaded and more like myself, but I don’t. I can still see the piercing blue as if I were still staring into it.
Not willing to risk looking up again, I keep my head down, making a big production out of digging through my purse for my keys.
“Well, it was nice to meet you, Jet.” I glance up only long enough to move past him. “Enjoy your night.”
The nip of the night air cools my heated cheeks when I plunge myself out into the dark. As much as I want to leave that meeting, and the deception and the humiliation of it behind, it’s hard for me not to look back. I know Jet is standing in the doorway watching me. Not only can I hear the sounds from inside and smell the aroma of the coffee, I can feel his eyes on me, warm against the cool air.
I’m smart enough to know that’s not a good sign.
* * *
“Where were you?” I ask Tia when she finally answers her phone.
“What?”
“Where were you tonight?”
Her reply is quick and unconcerned. “With Dennis, like I was supposed to be. Like I still am. Where were you?”
“Ti-a! Seriously?”
“Seriously, what? What’s your damage?”
“My damage is that I just had to get up in front of a group of people and claim to be a sex addict because I went as moral support for somebody who didn’t even bother to show up!”
“Oh shit! Was that tonight?”
“Yes, Tia. It was tonight. I told you this morning that it was tonight. I told you yesterday at lunch that it was tonight. Did I need to scribble it on a Post-it note and stick it to your forehead?”
“Vi, I’m so sorry! I swear I didn’t space on purpose. You know my memory sucks.”
“I know. That’s why I reminded you. Twice.”
“You know I’m not very organized either.” I can hear the pout in her voice.
I sigh. She’s right. I know all these things about her, and I should’ve expected this. It’s typical of Tia, and I’m sure it’s one of the reasons I’m so drawn to her. She’s kind of a mess, which is my specialty, something I learned early in life. Besides that, she’s been my best friend since we were kids. I can’t not love her. “I know you didn’t do it on purpose. I’m just . . . frustrated.”
The line goes silent for several seconds before Tia speaks. Her voice is small, like a little girl’s. “Was it awful?”
I have to be careful how I answer her. It would take very little to discourage her from ever going. Even though I know she loves Dennis and I believe he’s good for her, Tia isn’t exactly the type that will make herself miserable to please someone else. But she needs this. Dennis or not, she needs this.
So I fib. Just a little. “No, it wasn’t that bad. I just hated having to be there alone.”
I can almost hear her pushing her lower lip out farther in a bigger pout. “I’m the worst best friend ever.”
“No, you’re not. You’re just . . . free-spirited.”
“I’m a total moron.”
“Don’t say things like that,” I chastise lovingly. Tia has enough self-esteem issues courtesy of her villain of a father. I’m convinced it’s part of the reason that she acts the way she does. She has a wonderful heart. She just has some problems with self-control and with finding comfort and validation in the arms of random men whenever she’s feeling down. “You are smart and beautiful, and you can do this. You can do it for Dennis, and you can do it for yourself. And I’ll be right there beside you the whole way.”
“You will?” I can tell by her tone that she still needs some convincing, still needs some motivation.
“I will. And you just might enjoy the scenery.”
I cringe even as I say the words. I hate to use hot guys as bait to get her to the meetings, and I wouldn’t if I didn’t believe that she needed to be there. But I do believe she needs help. Help that neither Dennis nor I can give her. If these meetings don’t open her eyes, I don’t know what will.
“Ohmigod, I know you didn’t just lure me to a sex addicts meeting using hot guys as bait.”