“Sloane!” I call, trying to calm her down.
My first thought is that she’s having a seizure. I’m just turning toward the door to hail the nurse when I see the commotion. Muted alarms are going off, people are scrambling, and Sloane’s nurse bolts up out of her chair and runs toward me. She goes straight to Sloane’s bedside and starts assessing her.
My pulse is thudding in my head like a bass drum. I feel the horrific sensation that the bottom of the world is about to drop out from under me. Nurses don’t move like that for no reason. Whatever just happened to Sloane can’t be a good thing.
“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to step outside,” she says in a stern voice. “Now!”
Like I’m in a dream, or better yet a nightmare, I back out of Sloane’s room. My heart bangs painfully around in my chest as I watch the scene unfold in slow motion. The nurse jerks back Sloane’s covers. I hear voices and noises, but they come to me from a thousand miles away. Two more people file into her room, one of them closing the curtain so that I can no longer see inside.
“Sir, please step out into the waiting room. We’ll call you back in as soon as we know what’s going on,” a male voice says.
Like a robot, I make my way toward the exit. I push the button and the automatic doors swing open. I step through them and turn, watching as they close again, separating me from Sloane. From what might be her taking her last breath.
I stand, staring at the blank wooden doors, praying that God in all His mercy isn’t taking Sloane from me. That He would give me a few more minutes with her, another chance to tell her I love her. When her eyes are open and she can hear how much I mean it.
I’m still facing them a few minutes later, dumbstruck and in shock, when they part and Sloane’s nurse walks through. She’s smiling and I’m confused.
“Sloane’s fine. She had some alarming rhythms on her cardiac monitor, but I found that a couple of her leads had come loose. Had you straightened her blankets or something?”
I’m so relieved, it takes me a minute to answer her. “I, um, yeah. Her foot was uncovered so I moved her leg and covered her back up.”
The nurse frowns. “And that’s it?”
“Yes. But she was shaking, too.”
“What do you mean ‘shaking’?”
“I thought she was having a seizure. She started kicking her legs and flailing her arms.”
The nurse’s brow knits. “Hmm, okay. I’ll let the doctor know. Be sure to hit the call button if something like that happens.”
Like I knew what the hell was going on, I think snidely. But I don’t say that. I’ll be nice as long as she’ll let me stay with Sloane.
“Yes, ma’am.”
She nods and smiles and turns back toward the door. I follow her through and make my way to Sloane’s side. I pull my chair closer to the bed and sit on the edge, taking her hand in mine. I watch her chest move with each breath she takes. I listen to the soothing, reassuring sound of it and I close my eyes, letting my head drop onto our joined hands.
“Please wake up, Sloane. Please be okay,” I whisper, more to myself than to her.
I feel her fingers twitch in mine. They do that fairly often. But then they squeeze. And they never do that.
I jerk my head up and look at Sloane’s face. I look for signs that she’s waking up, that she can hear me or that she can feel me touching her.
“Sloane? Can you hear me?” I ask softly.
Her fingers squeeze mine again and I feel my stomach turn over. “Sloane?”
I see her eyelashes flutter and I hold my breath. After a few seconds, just when I think it might’ve been imagining things, they flutter again, opening just a crack.
Sloane opens and closes her lids several times before she opens them wide enough to focus on me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen more beautiful eyes or a more beautiful sight than Sloane looking up at me.
“Hemi?” she croaks.
“I’m right here, baby.”
I stand just long enough to reach across her and hit the red call button. If the nurse thinks I’m going to leave Sloane to come and get her, she’s lost her damn mind.
“I dreamed of you. I was drowning and the darker everything got, the harder I fought to get to you. I was so afraid I’d never see you again.”
“You kicked your arms and legs. I thought you were having a seizure, but maybe it was just your dream.”
Oh, God! I hope so!
Confusion lights her eyes. “Where am I?”
“You’re in the hospital.”
I watch as a fearful understanding settles in. “Am I sick?”
I know she knows the answer to that before she even asked.
“They’re not sure yet. You’ve been unconscious for a while.”
“How long?”
“About twenty-nine hours. You fainted on me at my house. Do you remember coming over?”
She doesn’t even hesitate. “Yes.”
Relief. “Good. Do you remember me telling you that I love you?” If I get to tell her anything while she’s awake, I want her to hear me say those words.
Sloane smiles, her perfect, angelic smile. “As long as I live, I will never forget that.”
My heart explodes. I drop my head to our joined hands again. I don’t want her to see how afraid I am, I don’t want her to remember me this way. I want her only to remember the good. Like the fact that I love her more than the air I breathe. I don’t want her to see that I’ll be lost without her, or that I don’t know what the hell I’ll do with the rest of my life if she dies.
I fight the sting behind my eyes. I clear my throat before I raise my head, fighting for composure. “Then I hope you have a long memory.”
Her smile turns sad. “I do, too.”
She doesn’t know that I know, and I don’t want to discuss it now. I don’t want to tarnish these moments with things like that. I only want her to feel happy and safe and loved.
The nurse rushes in. She looks first at me and then beyond me to Sloane, then she grins. “Well, hello there!”
Sloane gives her a small smile. “Hi.”
“I guess I’ll be giving the doctor a call.” Her expression says she’s more than happy to do so. “Anything I can get you, sleepy girl? Something to drink?”
Sloane smacks her lips. “Yeah, something to drink. My mouth is dry.”
“Ice water coming right up. I’ll call your father, too.” With a pleased smile, the nurse leaves us alone again.