I bite the inside of my cheek. Frustrated and ashamed.
“Try again,” he says slowly. “Stay calm. Have faith in yourself. If you don’t believe you can do it,” he says, “you won’t.”
I nod, slightly mollified. Try to concentrate.
I tell him I’m ready.
He swings.
My left arm bends at the elbow in a perfect ninety-degree angle that slams into his forearm so hard it stops his swing. My head has shifted out of the way, my feet turned in the direction of his punch; I’m still standing steady.
Warner is amused.
He swings with his other fist.
I grab his forearm in midair, my fist closed around the space above his wrist, and I take advantage of his surprise to throw him off-balance, pulling his arm down and yanking him forward. He almost crashes into me. His face is right in front of mine.
And I’m so surprised that for a moment I don’t know what to do. I’m caught in his eyes.
“Push me,” he whispers.
I tighten my hold around his arm, and then shove him across the room.
He flies back, catching himself before hitting the floor.
I’m frozen in place. Shocked.
Someone whistles.
I turn around.
Kenji is clapping. “Well done, princess,” he says, trying not to laugh. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”
I grin, half embarrassed and half absurdly proud of myself.
I meet Warner’s eyes across the room. He nods, smiling so wide. “Good,” he says. “Very good. You’re a fast learner. But we still have a lot of work to do.”
I finally look away, catching a glimpse of Adam in the process.
He looks pissed.
FORTY-FIVE
The days have flown by, kites carrying them off into the distance.
Warner’s been working with me every morning now. After his workout, and after my training with Kenji, he’s carved out two hours a day to spend with me. Seven days a week.
He’s an extraordinary teacher.
So patient with me. So pleasant. He’s never frustrated, never bothered by how long it takes me to learn something new. He takes the time to explain the logic behind every detail, every motion, every position. He wants me to understand what I’m doing on an elemental level. He makes sure I’m internalizing the information and replicating it on my own, not just mimicking his movements.
I’m finally learning how to be strong in more ways than one.
It’s strange. I never thought knowing how to throw a punch could make a difference, but the simple knowledge of understanding how to defend myself has made me so much more confident.
I’m so much more aware of myself now.
I walk around feeling the strength in my limbs. I’m able to name the individual muscles in my body, knowing exactly how to use them—and how to abuse them, if I do things wrong. My reflexes are getting better, my senses are heightened. I’m beginning to understand my surroundings, to anticipate danger, and to recognize the subtle shifts in body language that indicate anger and aggression.
And my projection is almost too easy now.
Warner collected all sorts of things for me to destroy, just for target practice. Scraps of wood and metal, old chairs and tables. Blocks of concrete. Anything that would test my strength. Castle uses his energy to toss the objects into the air and it’s my job to destroy them from across the room. At first it was nearly impossible; it’s an extremely intense exercise that requires me to be wholly in control of myself.
But now, it’s one of my favorite games.
I can stop and crush anything in the air. From any distance across the room. All I need are my hands to control the energy. I can move my own power in any direction, focusing it on small objects and then widening the scope for a larger mass.
I can move everything in the training room now. Nothing is difficult anymore.
Kenji thinks I need a new challenge.
“I want to take her outside,” Kenji says. He’s talking directly to Warner—so casually—something that’s still strange for me to see. “I think she needs to start experimenting with natural materials. We’re too limited in here.”
Warner looks at me. “What do you think?”
“Will it be safe?” I ask.
“Well,” he says, “it doesn’t really matter, does it? In one week we’ll be outing ourselves anyway.”
“Good point.” I try to smile.
Adam has been unusually quiet these past couple weeks.
I don’t know if it’s because Kenji talked to him and told him to be careful, or if it’s because he’s really resigned himself to this situation. Maybe he’s realized there’s nothing romantic happening between me and Warner. Which both pleases and disappoints me.
Warner and I seem to have reached some kind of understanding. A civil, oddly formal relationship that balances precariously between friendship and something else that has never been defined.
I can’t say I enjoy it.
Adam doesn’t interfere, however, when James speaks to Warner, and Kenji told me it’s because Adam doesn’t want to traumatize James by giving him a reason to be afraid of living here.
Which means James is constantly talking to Warner.
He’s a curious kid, and Warner is so naturally private that he’s the most obvious target for James’s questions. Their exchanges are always entertaining for all of us. James is thoroughly unapologetic, and bolder than most anyone would ever be when talking to Warner.
It’s kind of cute, actually.
Other than that, everyone has been progressing well. Brendan and Winston are back to perfect, Castle is in better spirits every day, and Lily is a self-sufficient kind of girl who doesn’t need much to be entertained—though she and Ian seem to have found a sort of solace in each other’s company.
I suppose it makes sense that this kind of isolation would bring people together.
Like Adam and Alia.
He’s been spending a lot of time with her lately, and I don’t know what that means; it might be nothing more than friendship. But for most of the time I’ve been down in the training room, I’ve seen him sitting next her, just watching her sketch, asking the occasional question.
She’s always blushing.
In some ways, she reminds me a lot of how I used to be.
I adore Alia, but sometimes watching them together makes me wonder if this is what Adam’s always wanted. A sweet, quiet, gentle girl. Someone who would compensate for all the roughness he’s seen in his life. He said that to me once, I remember. He said he loved that about me. That I was so good. So sweet. That I was the only good thing left in this world.