Remembering the days after my breakup with Jake, remembering the ache and needles of pain in every nerve, bone, and muscle, remembering the stifling feeling that came over me as I had to pay witness to Melissa’s relationship with Jake, the only thing I could say was, “I know.”
A tear slipped down her cheek at my response and before I could say anything else, she quickly swiped it away and brushed past me.
At her departure I sucked in a huge gulp of air and leaned back against the shelves, wishing life wasn’t so goddamn complicated.
Later that night I told Jake about the encounter as we walked to the movies. The two of us were quiet all that night, and for the next week it was a little bit easier not to give into the temptation of one another.
That wasn’t to say the pull wasn’t still intense.
In order to somehow avoid the pull, Jake and I had actually stopped spending so much time together. It was three weeks after our return from Fort William, the end of January, and we’d decided to spend yet another date at the movies because it meant at least two hours of time where we could pretend not to be focused on one another.
We’d both fallen in love with this small art deco theater in an area called Morningside, about a thirty-minute walk from the university. The theater offered leather recliners and large, comfortable leather sofas as well as ordinary cinema seats. Jake and I usually got recliners so we weren’t sitting too much in each other’s space, but on the eventful night when we kicked off our five-day ban, we could only get a sofa together.
As soon as we sat on that small sofa, I knew it was a bad idea. We’d spent the last few weeks ignoring the sexual chemistry between us, which meant we’d pretty much been ignoring our relationship and continuing on as we’d done before the Christmas break. Claudia told me she got that we were trying to be kind to Melissa, but whether or not we were sleeping together wasn’t going to change the fact that Melissa assumed we were.
Honestly, by this point I was with Claudia, but just as Jake was willing to prove himself to me, I was willing to respect the memory of his and Melissa’s relationship for him.
That’s why the sofa thing was such a bad idea.
The tension was so thick between us, it was like our attraction had physically manifested into a large elephant sitting on and crushing my chest so I couldn’t breathe properly.
Our arms brushed and Jake’s might as well have been a flame licking my skin. My cheeks blazed and I murmured, “Sorry.”
When the lights went down for the movie, it was unbearable. I could hear Jake’s shallow breathing racing to find rhythm with mine. In the dim light, I saw his hands flex into tight fists on top of his thighs. And because I was trying my best not to think about sex, all I could think about was sex with Jake and how good it had been and how much better it would probably be now.
I found myself beginning to sweat. My body was like a furnace.
“Fuck it,” Jake suddenly whispered and turned to look at me as the light from the screen flickered over his face. “There’s taking things slow and then there’s taking things glacial.”
My lip curled up at the corner. “Done with the glacial?”
His eyes burned in the dark. “I think we’re doing a pretty good job of melting the glacial right out of us.”
“You feel it too?”
“Fuck yeah,” he leaned in close, his lips millimeters from mine. “Baby, I’ve been feeling it with you since I was sixteen.”
He breached the gap between our mouths, his warm lips brushing over mine, tingles rushing south. He grazed his lips over mine once, twice, and then he nipped my bottom lip gently, before sweeping the tip of his tongue over the bite. I gasped, the erotic noise swallowed in his mouth as he closed it over mine. Jake slid his hand around my neck and into my hair, gently tugging me so I fell into his kiss, my hands resting on his chest.
His kiss was soft at first, almost hesitant, but as soon as I began moving my lips against his, telling him that I wanted this, the kiss changed. I felt his tongue flick lightly against mine and my fingers curled into his T-shirt in response. He teased me with those flicks until I was squirming in the dark for more, my arms sliding around his neck, my fingers tightening in his hair as I opened my mouth wider against his and licked his tongue in a deep, wet kiss that shattered what little thread of control he was holding onto.
Our kiss turned hard and hungry and Jake’s arms slid around my waist so he could crush me against his chest.
The leather of the sofa creaked at our movement but I would’ve barely noticed it if it hadn’t been for the harsh female voice from my left that whispered admonishingly, “This isn’t a hotel room.”
Jake and I pushed away from one another, our breathing heavy, my cheeks burning, as we gazed into each other’s wide eyes.
We both knew then that we were so screwed.
Somehow we got through the movie and then Jake walked me back to my building. We didn’t talk much and the entire time I was wondering if we were done with the whole moving slow thing and finally restarting our relationship. It occurred to me, now that I had a reminder of how combustible things were between us, I wasn’t sure if that was what I wanted or not. Moving slow meant we didn’t really discuss the things that mattered or the problems that still existed between us. If we finally entered into something serious and real again, it would mean opening myself up completely to Jake.
That was a worrying thought.
However, when we reached my apartment, Jake stopped and ran a shaky hand through his hair. “If we’re going to keep up this whole taking-it-slow thing, maybe we shouldn’t hang out alone for the next couple of days.”
Part of me wanted to ask him why we were suddenly not just taking things slow but coming to an almost halt. At the cinema he’d seemed to be pretty adamant that glacial was bad.
I felt my brow pucker. He’d broken up with Melissa almost two months ago. Wasn’t that a respectful amount of time already?
And yet … the other part of me was almost relieved. It was a reprieve from having to let Jake in.
So I nodded, gave him a shaky smile, and walked up to my apartment feeling more confused than ever.
Chapter Twenty-Five
It all came to a head five days later.
The Stolen were playing at one of the student union venues—The Pleasance. It was a ten-minute walk down and then up from the Cowgate. Although I’d talked with Jake on the phone, I hadn’t seen him in days. In a way, it was nice for me and Claudia to hang out uninterrupted from the boys for a while, but I had to admit, walking into the bar and seeing Jake laughing with Rowena while the band set up caused a flurry of excited nerves.