“I don’t believe that. You could never have done the shameful things they did.”
At that Caine scowled and began to walk away again, this time no longer holding my hand.
Not understanding his reaction, I hurried to catch up. “Do you think I should forgive my father and grandfather?”
“I don’t know that either,” he said quietly. “I just know that kind of bitterness can eat you up from the inside out.” He softened. “You’ve got too much going for you to let that happen.”
I smiled, feeling an overwhelming amount of emotion for him surge up inside me. “You amaze me. You know that, right?”
Apparently, somehow, in all the hard subjects we’d just touched on, that was the wrong thing to say.
An uncomfortable silence swelled between us.
And I pushed. “You don’t think you’re amazing?”
He looked at me sternly. “No. And I don’t want you to either.”
“Caine—”
“It’s not about pushing you away,” he interrupted, anger in his eyes. “It’s about making sure you don’t start seeing something in me that doesn’t exist.” He shook his head and looked away. “You wanted friendship between us? Well, the truth is you are my friend, Lexie. And I don’t like disappointing my friends. So don’t pretend I’m a man I’m not.”
What Caine didn’t realize was that he couldn’t disappoint me. We’d had a more than rocky start, a more than complicated history, but I was still standing by his side, and I wanted to keep standing by his side, because I didn’t think he even realized how good a man he was.
My whole life I’d been terrified of making the same mistake as my mother—of falling for a man who wasn’t worthy without even realizing I was wasting my heart on him. Because of that fear I’d never truly let myself fall.
But Caine Carraway was not Alistair Holland.
Caine was ambitious and hardworking. He was strong and stubborn and ruthless, but he was also this contradiction. He could be kind and compassionate and generous.
And even if I didn’t understand him sometimes, even if I didn’t agree with him on occasion, I would never, ever be disappointed in him.
However, I knew him well enough to recognize that look in his eyes. That obstinate glint. So for once I let it go.
“I’m buying you ice cream.” I held out my hand for him.
Caine gave me a dubious look.
I grinned and urged him to take my proffered hand. “You’ve never tasted ice cream like Luigi’s.”
Sighing, Caine laced his fingers through mine. “Did you ever really grow up, Lexie?”
I shot him a saucy look. “I did in all the places that matter.”
Like always, triumph rushed through me at the sound of his answering laughter.
CHAPTER 19
What happened between Caine and me next took me by surprise. There was definitely an intimacy between us that hadn’t been there before, but instead of us relaxing into it, a new kind of tension sprang up between us. There was a desperation in our interactions—sex between us became almost an addiction, an obsession. It was wild and passionate as we tried to quell this tension that couldn’t be quelled.
“Are you sure it’s a good idea for me to be there tomorrow night?” I was perched on Caine’s desk, my legs crossed at the ankles. There was a possibility I was sitting on important paperwork, but Caine hadn’t said a word.
He was too busy staring at my legs.
“Caine?”
His gaze roamed up my body and I shivered at the heat in his eyes. “I told you this party is mostly business. We’re there to rub elbows with clients and potential clients. No one will question the fact that I brought my PA.” He suddenly grinned and it was wickedly sexy. “Although they might question my motives in hiring one that looks like you.”
“Henry’s already suspicious.”
He shrugged. “Henry doesn’t know a thing.”
Hmm, I wasn’t so sure. “And what about my name?”
“We already introduced you as Alexa Hall at the last party.”
“And you don’t think anyone is eventually going to find out that’s not my name? Everyone in the company knows my surname, Caine.”
“Fine.” He sighed. “We just won’t mention your surname. We’ll introduce you as Alexa. Not to be a dick or anything, but no one there will really care what my PA’s surname is.”
Arrogant SOB. “Ouch.”
He slid his hand along the inside of my thigh in a comforting gesture that mostly just turned me on. “The truth is these people, my people, they’re self-important, self-involved, and all they care about is who has the most influence.”
“Which doesn’t include the PAs.” His expression gave me my answer. “You know, I was thinking about a career move. Like … moving into the events management business …”
Caine smiled softly. “You’d be good at that.”
Gratitude rushed through me. “You really think so?”
He nodded. “I know so. But give me plenty of warning.” His fingers moved higher up my thigh and his voice thickened. “You’re the best PA I’ve ever had. It’ll take time to replace you.”
As he touched me I let my head fall back and I savored the physical rush of being with him, but somewhere in the back of my mind his words twisted into something ugly.
Something real I didn’t want to face.
Caine would eventually replace me.
· · ·
I should have known attending the party with Caine was a bad idea. The only other person I knew there was Henry, and he’d brought a date and was much more interested in seducing his date than doing anything to promote “friendship” with other businessmen at the party.
The party was hosted by investment guru Brendan Ulster and his wife, Lacey. Caine said their circle took turns to throw these kinds of bashes throughout the year, and this year it was hosted under the pretense of an apartment warming, as the Ulsters had just purchased a top-floor apartment across the Common from Caine on Beacon Street.
The place was beautiful.
The people … well, not so much.
Among the men, Caine was a man’s man, the kind of guy that other men looked up to and admired. Among the women, Caine was that elusive catch. If the men weren’t attempting to engage Caine in business conversation, they were trying to engage me in flirtation. It was exhausting fending them off, my irritation increasing as so many of them looked at me as if I were easy pickings. I was of course just the PA. And I had the distinct impression that they thought I was the kind of woman who would do anything to be near a powerful man.