“He’s beautiful.” Emma began crying.
I turned and looked at her and then back at the baby. Besides my wife, I’d never seen anything so beautiful in my life. When I looked back down at Emma, I smiled as I reached down and wiped her tears from her face.
“You did it, Em. He’s breathtaking…like his mother.” I leaned over and kissed her lips gently. I whispered, “I love you, Em.”
She pulled me closer to her and deepened the kiss. As she let me go, she whispered back, “I love you more.”
I walked into the room and stopped immediately. Emma was in bed, holding our son. Seeing the two most important people in my life before my eyes, my heart couldn’t possibly swell up any more.
“Hey,” I said in a hushed voice.
As I walked up to the side of the hospital bed, Emma smiled big. “Hey back. He just finished eating, and he’s out like a light.”
I reached down and kissed her on the forehead and then kissed my son. “Have you given any more thought to his name?” I raised my eyebrow.
I knew Emma was torn between naming our son James or Jack. Jack was my favorite name, and I would love to see my son named after my beloved horse, but James was Emma’s father’s middle name. I could see the indecision on her face.
“You want to know what I think?” I asked.
She smiled. “Of course I do.”
“Once upon a time, a great man had faith in me. He trusted me to do right by his daughter and to love her and treat her like she deserved, being the princess that she was. He gave me a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to better myself, so I would be able to take care of that princess. If it weren’t for this great man, our son wouldn’t be here today. I think we owe it to him to name our first son after him—Charles James Mathews.”
Emma tried to contain the sob, but it escaped her lips, and the moment she closed her eyes, the tears began to slide down her face. I reached over and kissed them away. When I pulled back, she attempted to talk, but she began crying again. Her little body was bouncing up and down as she cried, so I quickly slipped my hands under the baby and picked him up. I held him to my chest as I walked around. I peered down at him. When I looked up, I saw Charles and Maria standing at the door. It wasn’t lost on me that Charles had quickly wiped a tear away before glancing down at Emma.
Maria walked up to me and asked, “May I?”
I chuckled. “Of course. He’s been waiting to meet his grandparents.”
I handed the baby to Maria. She sat down and began speaking baby talk to him as I sat down next to her. Charles was standing next to Emma, talking to her.
He turned around and looked at me, and then he cleared his throat. “Garrett, I heard what you said, and well…I couldn’t be more honored to have you as a son-in-law. Thank you so much for loving my daughter like you do.”
I tried desperately to hold back the tears building in my eyes. This had been an emotional day with the birth of my son and me wishing like hell that my father were here to hold him. With Emma’s dad saying what he had said, it had just about pushed me over the edge.
“Thank you, sir. I’ll love Emma until the day I die.”
He nodded his head and held out his hand. I placed my hand in his to shake it, but he pulled me in for a hug.
He whispered in my ear, “I know you will, and I know how hard this is for you. Your father would have been so proud of you, son.”
And there went the tears.
Charles pulled back and smiled at me as I quickly wiped away my tears.
He slapped his hands together and said, “Now, I don’t think you should call him Charles.”
Emma giggled and said, “What about Jim? It’s short for James.”
I nodded my head and looked at Maria.
She nodded her head and said, “I like it. It gives him his own name in a way.”
Maria stood and walked up to Charles. She placed Jim in his arms. When I saw the tear slowly moving down his face, my heart stopped briefly. I glanced at Emma, who was now crying again. I walked over to her and leaned down before kissing her gently on the lips.
After Charles and Maria left, my father and mother came in.
“David, Julia, you made it,” Emma said.
I walked up and hugged my mother and shook my father’s hand. “I didn’t think y’all would be able to make it tonight,” I said.
With one look at Jim, my mother broke down in tears. “Oh. My. Lord. He is the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen.”
“Hey!” I said. I scooped Jim up from his bassinet and placed him in my mother’s arms.
She tried not to, but she began crying as she sat down on the sofa next to David.
“Mother, please don’t cry.”
She let out a sob. “I’m so sorry. It’s just…I just wish your father could hold him.”
David wrapped his arm around my mother and gently kissed her on the forehead. My heart was beating faster, and I had to excuse myself from the room. I heard Emma call out for me, but I needed fresh air.
As I sat on the bench outside the hospital, I looked up. “Dad, why did you leave us? I really wish you were here.” I placed my face in my hands and tried to concentrate on my breathing. It felt like someone was sitting on my chest.
I felt a hand on my shoulder, and when I looked up, I saw David standing there.
“Do you mind if I sit down?”
I shook my head and slid over just a bit. We sat in silence for a good ten minutes before he took a deep breath and let it out.
“After your sister was born, I felt the same way you feel right now, son. Oh, how I wished my mama and daddy could see her. She is a true gift from God. I remember Billy sitting on this same exact bench when his first child was born, feeling the same way you’re feeling. I didn’t have the words to make him feel better, just like I don’t have the words to make you feel better. We all suffer losses in our lives. Some suffer greater than others, but each loss is significant to the person left behind. Your father has been with you this entire time, son. He’s never left your side, and I’m pretty sure if I asked you right now, if you’ve ever felt his presence, you would tell me yes. It’s unfair in a way.”
I looked at him and asked, “What’s unfair?”
“Being left behind and still feeling the pain for those who we have lost.”
I nodded my head. “Yes, it is. Just when I think I’m okay, something happens, and I miss him. I’ll smell the same cologne he wore, or a memory will pop into my head, or…or knowing my children will never know their grandfather.”