My father closed his eyes and shook his head. When he opened his eyes, he looked directly at me and then back at Garrett. “Garrett, your mother needs you to be strong right now. I know what I’m asking from you is a lot. I know what it is like to lose your father at such a young age. But your mother in there has just lost the love of her life, her soul mate, and she needs you, son. She needs you. Now, I want you to walk around to the side of the house. Let it out before you go in there to see your mother.”
I was taken aback by what my father had said. He was giving Garrett mere minutes to grieve the loss of his father.
Garrett nodded his head, and then he turned to me. He walked up to me and grabbed my hand. I looked back at my father, and he simply nodded at me. Garrett and I began making our way around to the side of the house. On the way, he grabbed Billy by the shirt, and Billy followed us. My heart was beating so loudly that I was sure Garrett could hear it. I tried to calm myself down.
What is Garrett going to do? How can I help him?
When we got around the house, Garrett dropped my hand and started yelling out, “No! Son of a bitch, no!”
I jumped and attempted hold back my sobs.
Over and over again, he just kept yelling out, “No!”
Billy walked up to him, and Garrett started pushing him away.
“Billy, no! My God, he was my world. Who’s gonna run the ranch and take care of my mother while I’m at college?”
I swallowed as the realization hit me. By the look on his face, it must have hit Garrett as well, but he didn’t say a word.
“Garrett, I’ll help you. Raymond and Wayne will help, too. We’re all going to help,” Billy said.
Garrett put his hands on his knees and began crying. He tried to take in air at the same time. Billy looked at me with pleading eyes. I nodded as I walked over and placed my hand on Garrett’s back. He jumped and stood up straight. The moment he looked into my eyes, he cried harder. He reached for me and pulled me into his arms.
He whispered, “I’m so sorry, Emma. I wanted to give you the world. I’m so sorry.”
My heart slammed in my chest, and I knew exactly what he’d meant. Our future.
He had been thinking of our future. I didn’t think it was possible that my heart could hurt even more. I’d wasted all those months, hiding and denying my feelings.
I held on to him harder. “Shh…I’m here for you. Garrett, I’m here for you.”
Garrett sucked in a deep breath and stepped back from me. He looked at Billy and then at me. The tears running down his face gutted me, and when I looked at Billy, I knew he felt the same way. Turning back to Garrett, I went to say something, but he shook his head and turned back toward the house.
He quickly wiped away his tears and stopped. He turned around and looked at us. “Nothing will ever be the same.”
I shook my head and reached out for him, but he took a step back.
He whispered, “Nothing.”
I walked up the porch stairs and stopped at the door. I could hear my mother crying inside, and I wanted to turn around and throw up. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Dr. Birk was standing there, talking to my uncle, Wayne, and Raymond. I wanted nothing more than to just run as far away from here as I could. I knew Billy and Emma were right behind me, and the last thing I wanted to do was see Emma. If I saw her, I would just be reminded that the future I wanted with her was now gone.
Dr. Birk looked up and gave me a sympathetic smile.
I better get used to those.
I walked into the front parlor, and the moment I saw my mother sitting on the sofa, crying, I knew what I had to do. I straightened up my shoulders, pushed all my feelings deep down, and walked up to her. Mrs. Birk glanced up at me with tears rolling down her face. She stood up, so I could sit down next to my mother. I sat down and took her into my arms, and she began crying harder.
“Garrett…oh God! Garrett, I can’t live without him. What are we going to do? Thomas, no…please come back to me.”
My gut tightened up, and I had to take a few deep breaths to calm myself. I held her closer as I began talking to her, “Mama, it’s going to be fine. I promise, I won’t let you or Dad down. I’ll take care of you and the ranch.”
My mother pulled back and looked at me. “Garrett, he left us. He left us…”
She broke down crying again, and I pulled her back to me and began rocking her. I glanced up and saw Billy’s father, David, standing there. He was white as a ghost, and I knew this had to be hard on him. He and my father were best friends, and David had lost his wife a few years ago.
I closed my eyes and tried to make sense of everything that was happening. Just a little bit ago, I had been about to kiss the girl of my dreams and tell her how much I cared about her, and the next moment, my whole world had been torn apart.
Why, Dad? Why did you leave us? Why?
I had been going over everything that had happened the last four weeks in my head, still trying to make sense of it all.
“Garrett? Son, are you listening to me?” David said.
I was pulled out of my daydream. I cleared my throat and nodded my head. “Yes, sir. I’m sorry. My mind was wandering.”
David nodded his head and looked back toward the house. My mother was busy, working in her garden and getting it ready for spring planting.
I’d been trying to be strong for my mother, but today, I wanted to just run away from all of this.
The coach from Texas A&M had been over for a visit, and he’d talked to me about my decision not to attend college and play football. He had pulled me off to the side and said they would help find ranch hands to help my mother out. They would do whatever it took to get me to play.
The sounds of my mother’s nightly cries had filled my head. I’d shaken my head and said, I’m sorry, sir. I need to stay here and take care of my mother and our family ranch.
He’d nodded as he’d given me that same damn pathetic look everyone had been giving me. Son, let me ask you something. What would your father want? I think he’d want you to go to college and get your degree, so you could be better suited for running a cattle ranch like this.
I’d given him a weak smile and said, My father didn’t have a degree, and he built this cattle ranch with nothing but hard work and determination. I intend on making it even bigger and better. I’m staying here. Thank you though for driving all the way out here. I appreciate it very much.
After our conversation, he’d left, and David had told me it was time to get to business.