Eventually she stopped struggling, begrudgingly accepting it was useless. Her wolf was utterly pissed about that. “I locked the door.”
“A locked door isn’t going to keep me away from you,” he said softly as he brushed his lips over to her nape and raked his teeth lightly over the skin. What he wanted to do was bite her hard, mark her again so that she understood who she belonged to, but he knew that throwing his dominance around wasn’t going to help here. Even his wolf understood that. He’d messed up, he’d hurt her, and now he needed to fix it.
“The point is I don’t want to see you.”
“I know.” He gently kissed her neck once more. “And I don’t blame you. But we need to talk.”
“You know what? We really don’t.”
“Do you have any idea how good it feels finishing work every night and coming back to find you right there in our bed? I don’t want to lose that.” It was strange how quickly he’d come to think of his room as their room and his bed as their bed.
“Only because you like having sex on tap.”
Dante bit her ear punishingly. “That’s not what I mean and you know it.” He kissed his way along her neck and over to her bare shoulder, glad she’d worn the strapless dress. He needed access to as much of her skin as he could to keep himself calm. Of course it was also making him harder than he already was. “If I was less selfish, I’d do what you want and let you go. If I was decent, I’d stand back and let you find a guy who’s better for you. But, see, the thing is…I wouldn’t let that guy live. So we need to work this out.”
“What’s the point? We’re barely ever together anyway.”
He couldn’t help feeling a little defensive. “I warned you my job was demanding.”
“It’s more than that. You hardly ever delegate. You’re always doing jobs that you don’t really need to do. You obsess over unfinished stuff. Even when you are with me, you’re constantly checking your e-mails on your BlackBerry or making calls. It’s like you feel compelled to be busy all the time.
I’m worried that you’ll burn out at some point.”
“Are you saying you want me to give up my position?” It was the one thing he’d been waiting for, the one thing he’d dreaded. Her response surprised him.
“No, absolutely not. I’m not giving you an ultimatum here. I’d never do that. I’m just explaining why I can’t be in this relationship—if you could call it that. You can’t have any idea how hard it is to be snuggled up to someone who you know is thinking about being somewhere else. I honestly thought I could handle it, Dante, but I can’t. I can’t handle coming second. If I didn’t care about you as much as I do, maybe I could.”
Hearing that she cared about him made him want to smile even as the tears in her voice made him want to punch himself. He kissed her neck again, unable to get enough of the sun-kissed taste of her skin. “You don’t come second. Don’t ever think that.”
“What else am I supposed to think? I can understand that you have to work a lot, I get that and I accept it. But you never make any time for me and you. When we are together, we don’t do anything together other than train and f**k.” She felt him flinch. “It’s true, Dante. That’s not a relationship. It makes me a booty call, and I deserve better than that.”
A heavy sigh escaped him. “You’re right. You do deserve better. I honestly didn’t realize that I was reducing our relationship to that. The thing is, I’m relatively new at this, and I’m just taking my cues from you. I’m not used to being part of a couple, to having to make time for another person and constantly consider them—”
“Because you hold yourself back.”
“What?”
“You use your job as an excuse to avoid emotional intimacy. At first, I thought you knew, I thought that you’d open up a little now that we’re together. But you truly don’t realize that you do it, do you?”
He went to object to her claim, but he couldn’t. She was right. He did do that, and he had been doing it for a long time without even realizing it. Totally off-center, he buried his face in her hair, inhaling the familiar and comforting vanilla smell of her shampoo.
“I can understand why you do it. In all honestly, I’m not sure that I’d have been able to get into another relationship if someone I’d partly imprinted with had betrayed me and left me— and to be with my sibling. The fact that you’re even trying astonishes me. Especially when you obviously still love her,” she added, swallowing hard.
He lifted his head, frowning. “What? No—”
“I saw the way you were with her. You couldn’t take your damn eyes off her.” Her wolf growled at the memory.
Loosening his hold on her hands, he began massaging her palms with his thumbs. “I know I probably acted a bit weird, but it was just the shock. The last thing I’d expected was to see her. I felt nothing for her, Jaime. Nothing. My wolf wasn’t interested in her either.” Although her instincts told her he was being truthful, Jaime couldn’t quite believe that. “You gave her more attention than you did me. God, you didn’t even notice me leaving.” He winced. “Like I said, I was caught off guard, and she was telling me all about my nephew and, well, I was interested. Just like I’m interested in knowing Josh’s baby despite not having much of an interest in Josh himself. I don’t believe kids should pay for their parents’ mistakes.” She wondered if he was aware that he was talking about himself. “Yeah, well, your nephew sure looks like you.”
He knew what she was getting at. “He’s not mine.”
“You asked her?”
“No. But I know that Blane wouldn’t have kept him around unless he was sure the kid was his.
Besides, I’d have smelled the pregnancy on her before she left me. There’s no mistaking the smell of a pregnant shifter.”
Okay, he did have a point there. She might have thought of that herself if jealousy hadn’t been taunting her.
“I know I behaved like a dick tonight. It wasn’t fair to you that I let myself be distracted by thoughts of work—”
“—and Bitch Face.”
“And Bitch Face,” he allowed, stifling a smile. He had no idea how Jaime could think he wanted anyone but her. He’d assumed she knew how much he needed her, but then why would she?