“Thank you, Gerald,” she says, waving her hand absently as she walks in. I’m completely relieved to see her. She’s okay.
“Sarah!” I yell from across the lobby as she heads for the elevator. She glances sideways at me and then stops, smiling softly. “I texted you,” I add when I catch up to her. From this close up she looks bad. Her skin is pale and pasty, like someone with the worst hangover in the world.
“My dad took my phone,” she says, looking at the ground. “God, I’m so sorry about last night. I really screwed up.”
“Why did you do it?” I ask. “Why would you drink so much? You could have died.”
“I was desperate. I just wanted it all to go away.” She meets my eyes. “The other night at this benefactors’ dinner, Seth asked me to go outside. While we were out there, he walked me over to the side of the building and we hooked up. Then—”
“I already know that,” I say.
“You heard?”
A frightened tingle runs over my skin. “No, you told me. At my house, remember?”
Her eyes widen. “No. I haven’t told a soul.”
“Sarah, you came to my room after I didn’t show up for lunch. I was home because I got hit by that car and you—”
“You were hit by a car? When did this happen?”
My breath catches in my chest and I step back. “No,” I say, putting my hands over my mouth. I can’t handle this. I can’t handle her forgetting everything.
She reaches out to touch my arm and her fingers feel like ice. “Oh wow,” she says, laying her hand flat on my skin. “You’re burning up. Maybe you have a fever.” She looks like she just realized something. “That’s probably why you’re confused. Do you want my driver to take you to the clinic?”
I’m not sure what to do, where to go. “No. I can’t go to the clinic,” I say, and turn away from her. If she’s forgotten, does that mean—?
Without waiting to think about it, I run outside and catch the bus to Harlin’s apartment. I need him.
“You look pale,” Harlin says as we sit on the couch of his apartment. “You should take off your jacket and gloves.” He still remembered me when I arrived, which wasn’t exactly great because he was far from happy to see me. But I apologized until I was sobbing on his doorstep. He couldn’t turn me away at that point.
I look sideways at him, confused at how normal I feel right now. Even though I’m still a bit out of it, my anxiety is amazingly low. It’s like a drug, being with Harlin. “Don’t you think it’s cute?” I ask, holding out the sleeve of my jacket.
He doesn’t smile, obviously still angry. “It’s cute, Charlotte. But it’s hot in here. You should take it off.”
I don’t want to fight with him. I want us to be playful. Happy. I narrow my eyes and put my hand on his knee. “Is that all I should take off?”
“I can hear you,” Jeremy says as he walks into the room, startling me. “Don’t make me sit between you on the couch.”
I immediately blush. Now Harlin laughs. “Did you just get busted trying to be a smartass?” he mocks, putting his arm over my shoulder. “That’s what you get. Now come here.” He pulls me into him.
I lay my head against Harlin’s chest, and feel his heartbeat. It’s steady and strong, like him.
“I don’t like when you’re mad at me,” I whisper.
“I’m never mad at you, Charlotte,” he says. “I just want things to be like they used to.” He kisses the top of my head. “I just want more time with you.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, because that’s the one thing I can’t give him.
The house phone rings and Harlin tenses but he doesn’t move to get it. Jeremy sighs heavily and walks by, drinking a carton of juice. “I’m not answering it,” he says. “I’m tired of making excuses for you, Harlin. Talk to her.”
It’s then that I remember the lawyer, Kendra. And how she’ll make sure that the man who killed their father will pay. It’ll fix them, I think. Fix the fractures of their family. I wish I could tell them. But I know it’ll do more harm than good right now. I hate keeping this secret.
Harlin says nothing and I start to feel uncomfortable as the phone rings again and again. Finally, just when I think I’m going to lose it, it stops. The room is quiet until Jeremy swears under his breath.
“Don’t start,” Harlin says, pulling away from me and straightening up.
“I’m not starting anything,” Jeremy answers. “But you can’t avoid it forever.”
“Thanks, Dr. Phil.”
In a swift movement Jeremy reaches out and slaps Harlin upside the head. I move over on the sofa, but Harlin is frozen. Silent.
“Watch your mouth,” Jeremy snaps. “I’m not Mom. You can’t just—”
Harlin jumps up from the couch, shoulder-bumping Jeremy as he walks toward the door. When he gets there, he pauses but doesn’t look at me. “Charlotte?”
I glance at Jeremy but he’s still staring at the spot next to me where Harlin was sitting. Then he meets my eyes and tilts his head toward Harlin, telling me to go. I stand and murmur good-bye to Jeremy.
Once in the hallway, I touch Harlin’s arm and feel his body relax. He turns suddenly and wraps himself around me, burying his head in my hair. I stumble back, but hold him. He’s squeezing me tight and I put my fingers on the back of his neck, whispering in his ear that I love him.
After a minute I take my arms from around him and rest them against his chest. His hazel eyes are sad, tired, and I’d do anything to make it better. But I can’t tell him what I know. I can’t even promise to stay with him now that the Need is almost done with me.
I get on my tiptoes and kiss him. He lets me, not making any moves as I first kiss his top lip, and then his bottom one. When I pause and look at him, he still doesn’t reach for me. “Stop being mad,” I whisper before trying to kiss him again.
He doesn’t let me and instead holds me back by my arms. He lowers his head so it’s even with mine and looks deeply into my eyes. “Tell me what’s going on with you.” His face is serious, but his eyes are pleading. “Please.”
What can I say? What can I possibly tell him that will make sense? “I love you,” I say. “That’s all there is, Harlin. I just love you.”