He nods. “Your mother—she lived life to the fullest. Every second of it, even when—” He chokes up and stops talking, waiting for the grief to pass. “She loved you girls,” he says after a moment. “And I know she wouldn’t forgive me if I made you unhappy with all of my rules.” He reaches to tug on his lip, sniffling back his cry. “Am I doing all right, kid?”
“I think you’re doing a bang-up job,” I say as tears gather in my eyes. “Even if the noodles are now cold because you can’t stop talking.”
He ruffles my hair before leaning back in his chair, seeming more content that he did a few minutes ago. As I finish dinner, we don’t mention my mother again. Or my episodes. Instead we slowly ease into proper table conversation.
I think about what he said, though. How my mother thought living was the most important thing. That was all she wanted—to keep living. To be happy. So maybe that’s what I need to focus on right now: finding happiness.
“So a date, huh?” my father asks, sounding defeated. “Why couldn’t you stay ten forever?”
I smile. “I really tried, Dad. So can I go?”
A date with Abe sends a mixture of feelings through me. I chalk it up to my courting inexperience, because I like Abe—I really do. And although he’s a bit unsettling sometimes, he also seems to understand me. Is patient with me. He can’t be as bad as his reputation, not after he took my non-kiss in stride. Not after he was so kind to Marissa while she was a total wench. Abe is a sweetheart despite the rumors. And who knows, he might not even be that slutty.
“Don’t break curfew,” my father says. “I’m even tempted to make it earlier since I’ll be at church.”
“No need to go overboard, old man.”
My father eyes me as if he’s not sure he’s making the right decision, but then he nods. “All right, kid. Have fun. And, please—”
I get up quickly and back away from the table, hoping to avoid any dating advice. I thank him and go to my room to gather clothes for later, stuffing them into my backpack as I smile. I’m going to make myself happy—despite the craziness around me. It’s what my mother would have wanted.
CHAPTER 13
Every time my conversation with Marceline tries to sneak into my head, I beat it back with a fresh dose of denial and rationalization. I’m not human? Right. I’m sure my father would love to hear that one.
I hurry out of the house, glad for the work distraction—anything to keep my mind off of earlier. When I get to Santo’s, the place is filled with energy, Abe especially charming. He’s making me laugh, making me forget about everything. I think that he is exactly what I want in my life right now. He’s loud and mischievous, and like he told me my first day, he never gets in trouble. Abe makes me feel normal.
When my shift is almost over, Abe meets me near the walk-in where I’m filling the sour-cream gun, my plastic gloves sticky. It’s calm back here, the sounds of the restaurant drowned out by the hum of the freezer.
“School starts in a few weeks,” Abe says. “You excited?”
“Ecstatic.”
“I bet you’re supersmart. Do all your homework. Teacher’s pet and all that.”
I wipe down the utensil and then pull off my gloves before tossing them in the trash. “I have been known to get straight As.”
Abe closes his eyes, grinning as if I sound delicious. “God, Elise,” he says. “I am going to have so much fun corrupting you. I’m practically giddy.”
“I can tell.”
He laughs. “Don’t worry,” he says. “I corrupt in the best way possible.”
“Which is?”
He leans closer, holding my gaze. “Kiss me and find out.” He pauses there, a smile pulling at his lips. He knows I’m not going to kiss him in the back room of Santo’s, but he must also read that I’m tempted. He winks and straightens up before walking back to his section.
We leave thirty minutes later, Abe driving Lucy’s car again. Anxiety begins to knot in my stomach as we park on a crowded residential street. I’m not nearly as excited now that he’s told me whose party we’re going to.
“Are you sure you’re all right with this?” Abe asks as we head up the driveway to Bridget’s house—one of the girls from the campsite. I’m in a summer dress, my makeup heavier than I’d normally wear it. Abe looks at me nervously. “I don’t want it to be weird for you,” he says for the third time.
“I’m fine.” I don’t mention that I’m scared to see Marissa again after her display of nonaffection while we were at the camp. “Just one request,” I add. “If any of your ex-girlfriends try to start a fight with me, you have to step in.”
Abe chuckles. “No ex-girlfriends will be here. And I’m wooing, remember? By definition that means I keep you out of fistfights.”
“Sounds like you have big plans.”
Abe pauses on the front patio. “Very big.” And then he opens the door of the small block home.
Music fills the living room as we step inside. There are people scattered around, talking and playing cards. I follow behind as Abe weaves through the party. The walls of the house are painted bright oranges and yellows, tapestries hanging with Native American prints. Through the sliding glass doors I can see the keg set up in the yard. And in the kitchen there’s a blender and bottles of alcohol lining the counter.
“Did you want a drink?” Abe asks, eyeing the keg out back.
“No, thanks.”
He turns, his eyes filled with a playfulness I haven’t seen in him before. He grabs my arm and pulls me to him, smiling broadly. “I can’t wait until you’re mine,” he whispers.
I’m silent, unsure of how to respond when he leans down to kiss my cheek. He backs up, his eyes still ablaze with whatever emotion just raged through him, and says he’s going to get a drink. When he walks away, I decide to find the bathroom to check my makeup. Maybe take a few calming breaths while I’m at it.
Abe is a bit overwhelming. It’s apparent how enamored he is of me, but I’m not entirely sure why. He could date most anyone here, girls that seem more his style. But it’s clear that all he wants is me.
Only I’m not certain of how I feel in return.
I walk down the hallway, excusing myself around the people standing and talking. A few eye me curiously, and it reminds me that I’m out of place—or even more obvious, out of place with Abe.