The rush stops, but Tanner stands rooted in place. His mouth opens, but no words come out. His eyes glaze over, and I know then that he’s listening. He’s going to take the other path. He plans to leave town, head back to Texas. He won’t hurt anybody—but even so . . . I’ll know how close he came. I’ll know what he’s capable of.
“I have to go,” Tanner says as he looks around, broken from the spell. I expect to see more of the anger, but he’s distracted. “Claire, will you tell your mother I quit?”
“What?” I can’t even process his words as I try to figure out what happened. I think I am having a breakdown. Tanner shakes his head and then starts for his truck, half-dazed. I’m about to call out to him, demand that he explain to me what just happened, when I’m struck with a sense of euphoria—an airy sense of completion, comfort, love. I sway, falling back into the cement wall. I’ve never felt so peaceful. I still, closing my eyes, and let the fear evaporate.
When I open my eyes again, Tanner’s truck is gone. For a moment, I wonder if I imagined the entire exchange, but I see the crushed cigarette still on the ground. My stomach is twisted in knots, my body trembling. I rush inside to the bathroom, afraid I might throw up. Bursting through the door, I slam it shut behind me before locking it. At the white pedestal sink, I rest my hands on either side, my head hanging as I try to gather myself.
Tanner almost killed somebody. Should I call the police? I should. But say what? I saw inside his head, knew his intentions? I helped him; I saved someone’s life today.
Holy hell. I turn the cold water on high and splash a handful over my face. As it runs over my lips, I taste the salt water wash off my skin. I do this over and over until I start to feel more like myself. I look at my reflection, trying to discern if I’ve changed, if anything is different. But I’m exactly the same.
“Keep it together, Claire,” I murmur, and grab a handful of paper towels from the dispenser. I pat my face dry, studying it one more time. There is a murmur of voices outside the bathroom door, and I know I have to go to work.
Tanner quit. All the rest could have been some weird hallucination—could be from my colossal wipeout this morning while surfing. After my shift, I’ll talk to my mom, maybe stop by the urgent care. But my head doesn’t hurt now. I don’t feel sleepy.
I’m fine. I have to be fine. I scrape back the stray hairs into my ponytail. I repeat my mantra until I’m calmed, until I’m together. I change into my Costas T-shirt, and swipe on lip gloss and wash my hands. I’ll just work and see how I feel in a couple of hours. If things get weird again, I’ll leave. Ready. Go.
I walk out into the packed store. The tables are littered with leftover plates and cups; there’s the hum of conversation, and the smell of coffee beans and confectioners’ sugar hanging in the air.
My brother River glances up from where he’s stacking coffee cups at a table, teetering ceramics in his hand. He lifts his arm in acknowledgment, and the movement causes the stack of cups to waver. He quickly steadies them before smiling at me. The moment is so filled with normal, I return his smile and then cross the room to where my mother is making a latte.
“Um . . . so Tanner just quit,” I say to her back, dreading the follow-up questions. I can tell her about everything that happened, but I’m not sure she’ll believe that Tanner planned to kill someone. And she probably won’t believe how I found that out either.
My mother turns, setting down the metal container. “Are you kidding?” she asks. “When did Tanner quit?”
I lower my eyes, taking the end of my ponytail to twist the bright red strands. “Just now. He told me when I was walking in. I don’t think he’s coming back.” I know he’s not coming back.
My mother shakes her head and wipes down the machine with her rag. “I should have figured. He’s been unreliable lately.” She shrugs. “Well, looks like you and River will have to stay late to cover Tanner’s shift.” She flashes me a smile, but pauses. “Hey, you all right?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Just hasn’t been a great morning.”
The customer waiting at the counter is watching us, but the crease of concern between my mother’s eyebrows doesn’t fade. Now isn’t the time for me to worry her like this.
“I’m okay, Mom,” I tell her, and force a smile.
She runs her gaze over me, taking motherly inventory to make sure I’m really fine, and then nods. “Take it easy today, then,” she says. “I’ll have River pick up the later shift.”
“Lucky guy,” I say, and reach behind the register to grab an apron. My mother smiles at my sarcasm, a sure sign that I’m stable, and then she goes back to her customer.
I meet my brother at a corner table near the front, opting to help him bus so that I have something to do. I start to stack plates, but then feel tiny pinpricks spread over the back of my neck, sort of like I’m being watched. I roll a careful gaze across the room but don’t notice anything strange. Well, besides me, I guess.
River sets the gray tub on the chair, and then reaches to grab my pile of plates and puts them inside it. With one more uncomfortable check around, I turn to him.
“Today’s weird,” I tell him. He lifts one eyebrow. “Okay, yes, most days are weird. But this is weirder than usual.”
“I’m sorry doing nothing all morning was so strange for you,” River says, brushing his dark hair behind his ears. “I, on the other hand, was busting my ass here. I assume you were out with your life-sized Ken doll?”
I smile and toss a rogue chocolate chip from the table in his direction. My brother doesn’t dislike Ezra, but he seems to feel it’s his personal mission to trivialize our relationship at every turn. He says it’s an older-brother thing.
“I had class, dipshit,” I say. “And yes, Ezra’s fine. I’ll let him know you asked about him.”
“Oh, please do. Tell him he’ll have to show me around Barbie’s Dreamhouse sometime.”
“You suck.”
“And you’re dating a dude. I win.”
I move past River to the next table, but I’ve barely started before he takes the plates from my hand to restack them. “If you’re always going to be late for your shift,” he says, “you can at least learn how to bus properly.”
“Good thing I work with the bussing master. By the way, Mom said you have to pick up the later shift too. Tanner quit.”