But she has my brother.
My hands are shaking as I speed through the dark streets. My windshield wipers squeak against the glass as the rain lets up into a drizzle. The image of my brother hurt and bleeding is blotting out my rational thoughts. She’ll kill him if I don’t go with her. Shadows have no guilt, no remorse. I’m sure Lucy has killed before. It’s part of who she is now. The choice between the light and the Shadows has never been this difficult. I was the one at risk before—only my life in the balance. Now Lucy wants me to choose eternal damnation on earth so that my brother can live. But what she’s really done is make it so that I have no choice at all. I have to destroy her.
A tear runs down my cheek, and I rub it away as I pull into the parking lot. I have to be tougher. I have to do the right thing. I choke out a laugh, slamming the car gear into park. The right thing. I’ve sacrificed myself every time. I’ve given up everything. How much more can the universe take from me? How much longer can I last?
I leave the keys in the ignition and race down the sand. Even though it’s still midday, the storm has driven away all the surfers. The sound of the waves echoes as taps of rain dot my skin. I hadn’t looked for Harlin’s bike in the parking lot, and now I’m wondering if he went home. Will I be gone before he gets back?
Maybe I won’t get to say good-bye. Maybe that’s better for him.
I hear the crackling of fire, and my heart sinks. Lucy would have no need for fire—she’s not even alive. Harlin must have stayed. I pause and press my fist to my mouth, covering up the scream that’s waiting to escape.
Claire Becks’s life will end tonight. Oh God. The thought is so painful, so devastating. I’ll lose my mom and dad and brothers. My friends. My future. I won’t see Harlin again, not unless the universe sends me back. But if I extinguish Lucy, there wouldn’t be a reason to send me back. This is the end. But it’s too soon. I squeeze my eyes shut, the tears rolling down. I’m not sure I’ve gathered enough courage to face my sister, when I notice the faint glow.
At first I think it’s the fire, but then I open my eyes, and I realize it’s me. My skin is glowing softly—the light underneath bright enough to show through. Warmth. Warmth like a hug from a grandmother. Love like only a parent can give.
The Need—the Need is comforting me. I wrap my arms around myself, letting the light fill me with its energy, its love and bravery. My purpose has never been a selfish one. I’m not here for me. It’s never been about me. As Monroe Swift would have said, Do the right thing, sweetheart. Do it for the greater good.
I wait a beat, and the glow fades. The light is inside me, ready to burst through and extinguish the Shadows. Now I just have to figure out how to save River before I do.
Chapter 9
I round the boulder and see Harlin sitting in the sand in front of a small fire. He’s staring into it, even though I’m sure he sensed me walk up. He doesn’t lift his head when he starts talking.
“After you left, I thought about what we’d do when this is over. Where we’d go.” He glances up, and the sadness in his eyes guts me. “I thought maybe Portland. My brothers are still there. But then . . . reality came crashing down.”
My heart breaks; the idea of running off to Portland with Harlin is all I could ever want—something so simple. And impossible.
“You’re good,” Harlin says with a shrug. “You’re the embodiment of good—you could never leave a Shadow here to hurt other people. You could never just walk away.”
“Harlin—”
“I can’t lose you again,” he says, his voice cracking. “I won’t survive it. I’m not as strong as you.”
“You are,” I say, walking over to kneel in the sand next to him. I grab his arms and wrap them around me. I kiss his cheeks, his mouth. I hold his face and force him to look at me. “And you’ll get through this.” I put my hand over his heart. “I live here, Harlin. I can never really leave you.”
Without responding, Harlin leans forward to press his lips against mine. It’s a good-bye kiss, one filled with loss and pain. In the distance, we hear the sound of car doors slamming shut. We both turn in that direction, and then Harlin helps me to my feet. He sniffs hard, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand.
“I love you,” he says quietly. “You’ll come back. I choose to believe you’ll come back.”
I lower my head, wishing I believed it too. Every second that ticks by feels like eternity, and then finally River is the first to emerge from behind the rock. He’s dazed, like he can barely recognize me. He looks like he might fall, but he reaches to steady himself on the boulder.
“His brain might be a bit scrambled,” Lucy says, walking in behind him. She’s dressed in a tight black dress, her hair slicked back. She glances over to Harlin. “Hey, Seer.”
Harlin hardens his jaw, his anger plain on his face.
“Oh, don’t be like that,” Lucy says, waving her hand at him. “At least ask how I am.”
“That’s the thing,” he says. “I’m not really in the mood for your sadistic games. Just walk away, Lucy. Then everyone survives.”
“Sweetie,” she says with a fake pout, “I think we both know that’s impossible. But hey, maybe if you weren’t such a miserable failure, we wouldn’t have ended up this way.” She flashes a smile, knowing her comment has wounded him when he lowers his gaze.
Lucy grabs River by the elbow and takes him across the fire from us. The amber glow from the flames casts shadows on her face while she whispers terrible things in my brother’s ear. River’s eyes slide in my direction, his body sagging against Lucy. For as tall as my brother is, he’s weak next to her. She’s killing him.
“River has nothing to do with this,” I say, my heart pounding with anticipation of our impending fight. “You wanted me back; well, here I am. Send him home.”
“Claire, what is going on?” River asks. He groans as Lucy holds out her fist and clenches it. My brother coughs, blood spurting between his lips.
“Stop!” I scream, and shoot forward. But Lucy holds up her other hand and I’m struck down, my insides freezing up in hard knots.
“Stay where you are, Claire,” Lucy says. “I wouldn’t want you bursting into light or anything.”
Harlin quickly helps me up, glaring at my sister like he might murder her after all. Even someone as gentle as Harlin has a breaking point, and Lucy has driven him to it. My sister flicks her fingers, and River falls to the sand, released from her grip, and my pain subsides.