“Shit. You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?” He tried to smile, but his hazel eyes were glassing over. “I just got you, and I’m already losing you.”
I fought back the tears that were starting to fall and leaned over to hug him. He squeezed me, resting his face in my hair. He still felt good. It still felt like it could work. Maybe I should forgive him.
Still holding me, he leaned close to my ear. “Although I think we both know you were never really going to be mine.” I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting to deny it, but I didn’t.
Joel and I stayed like that for a while until I pulled back and wiped at my face. “I’m sorry we didn’t work out,” I said truthfully. “Despite this,” I waved my arms around, “you’re a super guy.”
“And you’re a tough girl to hold on to. Never could get close enough.”
His words rang true in my head. There was always something keeping me from him. I used to think it was Kira. Or Aiden. But it was me. I never fully committed to our routine.
“Do you hate me?” he asked, reaching over to wipe one last tear from my cheek.
I looked into my lap and then at him. “No. I think I’m big on forgiveness lately.”
“Good girl.” Joel leaned forward and ever-so-gently kissed my lips. Just a peck. A completely sweet, caring movement.
I smiled as he pulled back. “Thank you.”
And with that, I slowly stood up, my crutch still somewhere in the grass outside. I limped toward the main door, and Joel raced ahead, pulling it open for me. I nodded at him.
“Least I could do.” He was still so charming.
When we got outside, I let him walk me around the building to where my crutch sparkled from the ground. When Joel bent down to pick it up, I cleared my throat.
“You know that Leona is going to want to kick your rear, right?”
He chuckled. “Yep. Been practicing my self-defense techniques.”
“Well,” I steadied myself and began moving forward. “I think she and Chris have made up so you may get a reprieve.”
“Ah … a last minute pardon.”
“Possibly.”
Joel walked me all the way across the field to where Chloe was leaning on her car, watching us. “You’re still alive,” she said to Joel when we approached.
“So are you.”
“Touché.” Chloe smirked at me and then walked to get in the driver’s seat. Joel opened the back door and put my crutch in there for me.
“Miss Crimson,” he said, motioning toward the passenger door, “I guess I’ll see you around then.” Joel stared at me, some color returning to his cheeks from the cool air, his eyes no longer glassy but still sad. I did care about him. I honestly did. But I think we both knew it wasn’t in the way he wanted me to. I’d never love him.
“Good night, Joel.” And I got in the car.
From: Kira Reynolds <[email protected]>
To: Tessa Crimson <[email protected]>
Sent: Tues, October 15, 11:36 PM
Subject: WTH!
Tessa, did you just seriously break up with Joel? It’s all over the IMs! What is going on?
Did you do this for me?
Call me!
Kira
P.S. I’ve been working with the squad, and I think we have your routine nailed shut. It looks great.
Chapter 21
Kira stared ahead, a stunned expression on her face. “I don’t understand,” she murmured. We were in Leona’s father’s study, surrounded by law books and mahogany. When I called the emergency meeting, Leona asked us to come here. Only the essential members had gathered: Leona, Kira, Izzie, Chloe … and me.
“I’m going to kill him,” Leona said, pacing behind her father’s desk, occasionally looking out the bay window. “I’m going to commit homicide and spend the rest of my life in prison.”
“Now, now,” I soothed. “No need to do time for this. Joel is completely sorry. He’ll help if we need him, but I told him that we have it handled. What’s done is done, girls. Now we just have to win back the respect of the school.”
Leona looked sharply at me. “You’re not still dating him, are you?” I shook my head no. She blinked quickly, as if she were almost sad to hear that, but then went back to pacing.
“He wasn’t the right guy for me,” I added.
Chloe snorted from behind me, but I ignored it. My attempt at moving on might have been a bit misguided, but at least, I didn’t hack into people’s e-mail accounts to stalk them.
“I’m proud of you, Tessa.” I looked at Izzie sitting cross-legged on the floor. Her curls were bouncy and hanging to her chin. Her freckles were visible across her nose, and she was wearing lip gloss again. I smiled at her.
“For what?”
“Figuring it out. You totally pulled your life together after the unfortunate Mary Rudick incident, and I think it’s amazing. And … you still have all of your hair.” She grinned. I didn’t like to think about how sad Izzie had been. Not that she was the princess of perk now, but she was getting better. Slowly and steadily. And she’d stopped seeing Sam. That was a huge step forward.
“Wow, do you guys always get all snuggly like this?” Chloe asked. “Should we have a pillow fight in our underwear now?”
I laughed and looked over my shoulder at her. She shrugged. “That was actually funny,” I said.
“Thanks. Now, are we going to practice, or what? Because I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of getting called a slut in the hallways.”
“You sure that has anything to do with the Smitten Kittens?” Leona joked. The girls giggled, and I felt the change. The Smitten Kittens had a new dynamic. It seemed we’d just gone from G-rated to PG-13. It was kind of nice.
“You know,” I said, leaning back in the leather chair. “I’ve been thinking about my cheer.”
“It looks great,” Kira assured the squad, as if she were sticking up for me. I looked over at her, and she smiled in a way that said all of our problems were behind us. I wondered if she really felt that way, or if she were faking. Then I wondered if my break-up with Joel had somehow let her move on.
“Thanks,” I said. “But I’ve made a decision. If we really want to wow the crowd and get some great face time on ESPN, we can’t do just any cheer.”
Kira’s eyes widened as if she knew what was coming. I’d spent the night reading her e-mail, considering what her friendship meant, trying to understand what the Smitten Kittens were all about. We were there to inspire. Make champions. And nothing good ever came out of chickening out.