She just looked at him, ignoring the curls that fluttered like pennants around her temples. When he appeared content to stare out over the glittering sea, colored black and midnight and gray by the moon and stars, she commented, "I didn't think it would take long for you to seek me out." She hated to admit it, but she was glad he had.
"I hope I am not too terribly tardy."
"Not so very."
"But late enough that you were getting impatient, true?" He turned his face to look at her, his elbows remaining on the railing. "Perhaps I don't wish to be predictable either."
"The only thing predictable about you is that you consistently appear when you suppose I least expect it. Perhaps that will be your undoing; for now I shall expect to see you every time I turn around."
"You were very foolish to go to the Tutela meeting on your own. You nearly died, Victoria. They nearly tore you to shreds."
"Do you think I do not know that?" She looked away from his face, which had turned to stare out to sea, and followed his gaze. "I had no choice."
"You always have a choice."
"I don't. I'll see this through until the end, and on the way I'll take as many of them with me as I can. I owe it to Phillip."
"You speak about violence so matter-of-factly, Victoria. Will that always be your life? Your focus?"
"It can be no other. You don't understand; you cannot know what it's like, Sebastian. I'm a Venator, and that will never change."
He was silent for a long time. She glanced at him once, saw the shift of his jaw bringing his cheek into shadow and back out of it again. "When I saw you in Venice, all those bites and scars, I… well, I realized it would be quite a loss if the worst had happened to you."
"Don't worry, Sebastian. There are other Venators to protect you. Or is it the balance on my debt that you are more concerned about?"
He chuckled, but there was an edge to it. "I know where the Tutela meets in Rome. You won't have to go alone."
"So you've said, but I cannot help but wonder why you would endanger yourself so, O man of no violence."
"Why are you angry with me?"
"With you? Don't flatter yourself, Sebastian. It is anger at this whole life of mine that digs into me right now. I carry this responsibility that, despite your naive assumptions that there is a choice, I cannot choose to shirk. I am lonely and see no end to it. I am widowed and can see no other future for myself. I could have died two nights ago, and yet I willingly go back for more. Sometimes…" Here her voice broke at last. "Sometimes it becomes too much, and it turns into anger. And other times… other times, it is the only me I can be. The true Victoria."
"There are very few of us who know what sacrifices you and the other Venators make. How your lives are not your own, though you might wish them to be. But without you and your kind, how different would the world be."
Victoria was silent again. The anger she'd exposed roiled, then ebbed away, leading into an excruciating awareness of the scent of cloves mingled with salty sea, and a long-fingered hand clasping the railing next to hers. She became conscious of the night, and the fact that they stood at the corner of the ship's stern, shadowed by mast, sail, and the poop deck, for all intents and purposes, alone. She heard the soft flap of the sails and the distant shout from one of the sailors.
"How odd." She didn't realize she'd spoken aloud until she felt Sebastian move next to her; not to look down at her, but to adjust the lapel of his jacket.
"What is that?"
"To stand outside in the night, alone with a man, and not to have to fear for my reputation. I could not help but think of all the times during the Season when I was coming out how careful one had to be not to be found alone with a gentleman, even when I was in no danger of having to protect my virtue. And now that I am a widow, it is no longer such a concern."
"Indeed." He sounded bemused. "I'm wondering if I should be distressed at being considered no danger to your virtue."
"If you were a danger to me, you would have stopped with the gentlemanly repartee regarding compensations. And I would have cut you off at the knees, just as I did some other gentlemen who thought that suggesting a walk outside on a terrace would give them the opportunity to be free with their hands. Among other things. However, I am sure you would not be so foolish, knowing that I am no ordinary chit."
"I am not. And don't believe for one moment that I will be led, Victoria. You are much smarter than that, and so am I."
"I am not interested in leading you anywhere."
He laughed then. Not as though he'd heard something uproarious, but a low, rolling, knowing laugh that made Victoria more than a bit uncomfortable. "I could play along, ma chère. In fact, I am tempted to do so. Very tempted."
He moved quickly, smooth as a scarf of silk, and suddenly she was caught between the rail and Sebastian, one of his hands on either side of hers, wrapping around the rail. Long arms settled along her own, keeping her centered between them.
His breath was warm at the back of her neck, where her upswept hair left her skin bare and vulnerable. "It would be very easy to allow you to provoke me into doing what you are too cowardly to do yourself." The words prickled there, sending echoes all the way down her back.
"And what, in your warped mind, can you imagine I am too cowardly to do?" She was pleased that her voice remained steady and as easy as the sea breeze when she could feel his height behind her, his proximity, yet, disturbingly, no contact but for the bare touch of his hands alongside hers.
His mouth was at the top of her ear, just brushing the back of it when his lips moved. "As brave as you might be in facing down vampires and demons, you are too gutless to admit that you fancy finishing what we started in the carriage. You would prefer to provoke me with your arch comments, hoping that I will lose my head and ravage you… whereupon you will be convinced that it wouldn't be so horrible to succumb to your desires."
She drew in an angry breath, her shoulders shifting back and her br**sts lifting, and he moved his hands closer together, tightening his arms around her. "I—"
But his voice, though lower and more even than her outraged syllable, overrode whatever she would have said. "And then you would have an excuse for putting aside your suspicions and mistrust of me, your reputation, and your fears. The truth is, Victoria, you want me as much as I want you. You just don't want to have to make the decision."