But this… this was one massive problem. And I just wasn’t sure that I was strong enough or skilled enough to make it work. And I was in uncharted territory. I subconsciously palmed my belly again. I had to face the unknown while I protected a baby.
"What are you thinking?"
Merlin was suddenly beside me and I flinched from surprise, yanking my hand from my stomach.
No matter what body he resided in here, he was always going to be Ahmose to me.
And no matter how many times he did it, I would never enjoy his sudden appearances.
I scowled at him and replied with my customary answer.
"Can you please stop doing that?"
He smiled with crooked teeth, but quickly sobered.
"I cannot read your mind, dear Heleyne, and that is very strange. You’ll have to tell me what you are thinking." He patted my arm with his wrinkled hand nonchalantly, but I could see on his face that it was very troubling to him.
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Apparently, my goddess mind blocked his thoughts, something that he wasn’t used to. When I was mortal, before my goddess tendencies had been awakened, he had been able to use my mind as a playground. If I wasn’t careful, I would give myself away. I quickly focused on the inadvertent protective wall surrounding my mind. I consciously let the wall fall away, exposing it to Merlin’s inquisitive poking.
He smiled.
"Ah, there we are. How strange. That has never happened before."
I made a conscious effort to quickly hide certain thoughts from him, tucking them back behind the invisible wall, giving him access only to the most inane and unimportant things. He wrinkled his brow.
"Strange," he murmured, searching my face quizzically.
I kept my expression blank. I felt badly for him, I knew he did his best to protect me from the Fates, but in the end, he was still their pawn. They controlled him and I well knew it.
"What do you think of Mordred?" I asked randomly. Merlin had no idea that I already knew Mordred’s purpose here. I watched him try to form an answer, something that I couldn’t help but find amusing.
"I know not," he shook his head. "I doubt his intentions are good, but we cannot help that, can we? We do what we do and they do what they do. It is out of our control."
He shrugged his bony shoulders and I could swear that I caught a whiff of the thick incensy scent that had always accompanied him in Alexandria, but before I could even process that, the smell was gone.
I found myself wondering how much he truly did know, how much the Fates allowed him to understand. From what I knew of them, they probably kept his knowledge limited. He was simply their puppet, something thankfully I no longer was.
"I have a feeling that you are right," I agreed. "Something doesn’t feel right with him. He gives me chills. And I think he purposely tried to kill Lancelot." I ran my hands up and down my arms automatically, even though he was nowhere near.
Merlin glanced at me before staring into the distance. "I need to find Arthur. Are you alright here?"
"Of course," I assured him. "I was just…taking a break. I needed some alone time."
He nodded in understanding. "Alright then, Keeper. Enjoy your quiet time. I’ll see you at dinner."
He was gone before I could even answer and I shook my head. I gathered up my skirts and started to get up myself when a bird landed beside me. I startled again, sinking back into my seat.
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A falcon, large and beautiful, sat beside me with rich golden-brown feathers.
Falcons were used for sport here, for hunting games and for sending messages. But there was something different about this one, about the way it was watching me.
It cocked its head and examined me, lifting a sharply taloned foot.
A rolled missive landed in my lap. I glanced at the bird before picking up the little rolled paper. It was as still as stone, waiting for my response, its fathomless black eye unblinking.
Unrolling the message, I found the feminine scrawl of Lachesis, the middle sister of the Fates.
By the waterfall at midnight.
Strange. Lachesis typically appeared to me whenever she felt like it. She didn’t orchestrate meeting times. She simply felt that I would adapt to whenever she chose to visit. This was very unusual and it put me quickly on edge. Did she know about the child? Surely not. She would wait to confront me.
The falcon flapped its wings one time, demanding my attention. It cocked its head.
"Alright," I murmured. "You may tell her I will be there." As if I had another choice. To defy the Fates would tip our hand.
The falcon dipped its head in acknowledgement and flew away. The message in my hand burst into flame and I jumped away from it. It burned with a bright blue fire for a scant second, before absolutely nothing, not even ashes, remained.
Still annoyed, I gathered fresh roses to put in a vase in my room and then gathered a few more for Guinevere before heading inside to ready for dinner.
* * *
King Arthur had taken too much ale. He stood at the head of the main table, laughing and attempting to speak to the dining crowd. He started to speak, slurred his words, laughed and started over. Everyone in the room laughed with him. He very seldom was carefree and seeing him so tonight was enjoyable, even to me.
"My countrymesh…men. Countrymen," he corrected. Grabbing onto the ledge of the table, he steadied himself before continuing. "We’ve worked so hard thesh, er, these past few months and we deserve a break this eve. I’m having bottles of fine wine brought around to your tables. Pleash. Please, enjoy with my compliments and gratitude. With you, Camelot is becoming one of the greatest nations to be found."
He raised his glass, sloshing dark red wine onto the white linens gracing the table as he lost his balance. He grinned sheepishly at Guinevere, who smiled gently at him, patting his arm and murmuring into his ear. Craning my goddess ears, I focused in and listened.
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"My love, you may want to ease up on the wine this eve. I think you’ve had enough."
I raised my eyebrow. My mother was exhibiting caution? This was unusual.
King Arthur laughed and answered. It was clear that he thought he was whispering, but I definitely did not need to employ goddess hearing in order to understand him. He shouted loudly enough for the closest four tables to hear.
"Wife, let us make merry. Then let us make love. Let ush make love this eve. It’s been too long." The crowd tittered and my mother blushed delicately.