She shivered, her body trembling as the overload fully hit. Swearing, he stretched out beside her, using his body heat to warm her. Her skin was cold, her eyes nearly opaque. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight against him, curling so that his body protected hers. She fit. She was made for him. Whitney couldn’t have done that. Kadan chose not to believe it was the pheromones. Pheromones couldn’t make him feel anything but physical attraction, which he had in spades, but there was so much more.
He had long since ceased to be emotional, yet he was now—with her. Alone, with her falling into a fitful sleep, he could allow himself a little emotion. And his mission wasn’t worth destroying her completely. He would find another way. There was always another way.
Her body jerked and she cried out, pressing both hands to her head.
His hands went to her shoulders, massaging gently, then moved to her neck in an attempt to ease the tension out of her. “Shh, baby, just sleep. I’m not going to make you do this. I’ll find a way around all this. Just go to sleep for me.”
She settled a little. He couldn’t be certain if it was his reassurance, or the massage, but she seemed quieter. He moved her hair aside and bent his head to kiss the nape of her neck. “I’m going to tell them you’ve lost your abilities, but then you need to stay out of sight until I wrap this up.” He spoke aloud more for himself than for her.
He felt her body stiffen. Her long, wet lashes fluttered, lifted, and she looked at him, her eyes so light they appeared violet.
“I mean it, Tansy, you’re off the hook. You need to just sleep and not worry about anything anymore.” He stroked his hand through her hair.
She closed her eyes again and relaxed beneath his hands.
Kadan sighed. How was he going to find the strength to give her up? He’d never thought in terms of a woman or a home. He’d been a loner since he was eight years old. His friends were all GhostWalkers, men who understood what it was like to be different. They were warriors, born in the wrong century maybe, men with honor and codes and a way of life that was politically incorrect. Women should never live with men like him, and he had no business staking his claim on one.
His fingers rubbed at the silky hair. He wanted her. Desperately. This woman brought sunlight to his soul. She made him believe again. Hope. Feel there was a chance at a future. Maybe a home and children. He’d been in her mind and he knew her more intimately than a man could know a woman after fifty years of living together. There was strength and determination. Independence. Compassion. She was soft where he was hard.
The sun began to climb higher into the sky, and he let himself doze while he could. He hadn’t gotten that much sleep the night before. Her body had been too tempting, and he’d been starving and addicted after the first taste. Being a soldier meant you slept when you could. He woke with Tansy moaning softly, moving against him, her hand brushing his face.
He could wake up to that touch forever. A million mornings. He caught her hand and pressed a kiss into her palm. “Are you feeling better?”
“Yes. I’m a little afraid to let you out of my head. I’m not good at keeping the voices out.” She brushed his hair from his forehead, her fingers tracing his scar. “I’m going to miss being able to touch you. I never touch anyone.”
She didn’t think she’d ever be able to touch anyone again. He should have felt bad. Instead he wanted to be the only one she could touch. Selfish bastard. He mentally kicked himself.
“I’m going to teach you a few exercises to help you strengthen your defenses against anything invading your mind.”
She frowned and sat up. “What exercises?”
“There are things you can do, practice, to help filter things out. Like meditation.”
“I do that already. It’s never helped.”
Kadan stood up and pulled her with him. “This is going to help. Sit at the table.”
She studied his face for a long time before she complied, taking the seat opposite him.
Kadan turned out to be all military and very serious as he showed her the mental exercise of building a wall in her mind, one brick at a time. It was far different from the simple mental image she employed of a door keeping back the voices and images in her head. The barrier had to be built and become second nature. When she wavered, or got it wrong, Kadan barked orders at her like a drill sergeant.
“You’re giving me a headache,” she finally said, glaring at him. “And I’m not under your stupid command.”
His jaw tightened. “You already have a headache so it doesn’t count. These exercises work and you need to learn them fast. I’m not going to be here to take away the pain.”
She couldn’t very well tell him it wasn’t going to work, because in just an hour she could already tell her mind was calmer. If she did the exercises every day, she could strengthen her filters and barriers and keep the voices at bay.
“Fine. I didn’t say I wasn’t going to keep working. If you have to leave soon, let’s at least try to make sense of some of the impressions I got from the ivory stallion. There’ve been ten murders that you know of so far, right?”
“We don’t need to talk about it anymore. I don’t want you involved.”
“I heard you say that. Did you mean it?”
This time she was in his head. Waiting. Holding her breath. Watching him. Kadan slowly nodded. “I can find them. It’s not worth it to me to use you to save my friends.”
She let her breath out. “Are you doing this to save your friends or to stop murderers?”
“Both. Someone has to stop them, and there’s no way I’m letting the GhostWalkers take the fall. We have a powerful enemy in the White House and he wants all of us dead. These are good men, Tansy. I’m not going to let them down.”
“Have you considered asking the other Ghostwalkers for help? If you believe in them so much and they’re capable of doing the kind of thing I do . . .”
He shook his head. “No one is capable of doing what you do. And you have a mind for it. You fit puzzle pieces together at an astonishing rate.”
Tansy looked around for a water bottle. “I’m thirsty.” She needed time to think.
Kadan immediately got her a bottle out of the cooler. Tansy accepted it and gratefully took a long swallow.
“What are the other game pieces? Do you have them with you?”
He shook his head. “I only brought one. I thought I’d be bringing you back with me.”