Could she give it all up and follow him? To what? He’d be gone more than he’d be with her. But could she live, really live, without him?
“I know what I’m asking, Jaimie. I do. I want to wake up every morning to you. I want to sit in a rocking chair with you when we’re old. I want to laugh with you, cry with you. I also know what kind of life I’m offering.”
“Do you, Mack?” she asked. Because she’d shared the danger of missions with him and when he went out, she’d know exactly how bad it really was. She’d have to sit at home waiting, scared, alone. Completely alone.
His fingers bunched in her curls. “Of course I do, Jaimie. I took you for granted.
I’m not going to pretend I didn’t or that it won’t happen again. And I’m bossy. I won’t pretend I don’t know the way I am. I can be jealous and stupid when it comes to you, but no one will ever love you the way I do. I detest that word. It doesn’t say half of what I feel for you. Everyone loves ice cream. You’re my world. My heart. I know what I’m asking, Jaimie. And I know you’ve built something here. I’ll help you build it again with me.”
She opened her mouth twice before anything came out. “I wasn’t expecting this, Mack. I’m not prepared.”
He leaned in and kissed her, not above bribing her or seducing her if it worked.
Her mouth was magic, warm and soft and filled with passion, with fire, with everything Jaimie. His mouth left hers reluctantly. He pressed his forehead against hers. “Come back to me, baby.”
“I don’t know if I can,” she whispered, terrified of losing him, of losing herself.
She’d fought hard to be her own person. “People establish patterns and we fell into one that wasn’t so good. What makes you think it will be different this time?”
He kissed her chin, the corners of her mouth. His teeth tugged on her lower lip and he brushed kisses there too. “Because I’m different. So are you. I know we’re good together. I’m better with you than on my own.”
Jaimie sat up, needing to put space between them. She couldn’t think when he was holding her, when his body was wrapped so strong and protectively around hers.
When she felt their energies connected, as if they shared the same skin with one heart beating between them. Not when he was saying words she’d always dreamt he’d say to her. She slid out of bed and paced a couple of steps away, the only safe way to say what needed saying.
Jaimie looked at his face. The hard angles and planes. His firm mouth and strong jaw. Everything she needed was right there. But he was born for something far more and he loved what he did. Loved it. He wasn’t going to stop and he shouldn’t. But she didn’t fit into that world. Tears clogged her throat, burned together into a lump she couldn’t swallow.
She fought to keep her voice even. “You know I can’t. I built a business here, Mack. I work for Sergeant Major, but he leaves me alone. If I went back . . .” She trailed off, her voice trembling.
Mack dropped his head in his hands and stayed there for a long moment, bracing himself. He knew, in the end, it would come to this. This was going to hurt bad—very bad. He just hadn’t expected such a wrench. She’d sacrificed for him once and he’d thrown it away. He could see her point. He straightened, his eyes meeting hers. “Then I’ll quit.”
She blinked. Shock registered. She actually took a step backward. “Mack. Don’t be crazy. You can’t quit.” Comprehension dawned. Her trembling mouth firmed.
“They won’t let you quit. You know that, but I appreciate the gesture.”
“It’s no gesture, Jaimie. From the moment I woke up on Whitney’s table and realized all of us had not only been psychically enhanced, but genetically altered as well, I knew we had to plan for a future. I’ve been doing that and the boys have all joined with me. It’s a little earlier than I’d planned for, but we can disappear if we need to.”
“How?” she demanded. “I thought I was out, and look what happened. They manipulated me from the moment I left our house. Every contract, every person I came into contact with. I’m still working for them. And they sent Joe. It was an elaborate babysitting operation. I’m not even certain what’s going to happen now. I doubt they’ll leave me completely alone ever, not as long as I’m useful to them.”
“They won’t,” Mack agreed. “But if you’re certain that’s what you want, we have a plan, and the money to do it.”
Shivering, she picked up her robe and wrapped herself in it. “How would you get the money, Mack? It would take a lot of money. And we’d always be on the run.”
“Not necessarily. We’re privy to information others might not have. Javier can invest and play the stock market for us when we know we’re about to hit something that will affect the market. It’s not exactly kosher, but we’ve pooled our money. Team Two, the SEAL team, has a fortress in the mountains. They’ve banded together and have a training center right there. We can do something similar. The boys have been researching places if we want to settle and stay in, but also possible retirement areas we can defend.”
Jaimie shook her head. “Mack, you would never be happy in retirement. You know you wouldn’t.”
“What do I have without you, Jaimie?” He looked up at her. “I’m serious. How many times can I go out and come back to nothing? After a while you lose your incentive.”
She turned away from him and looked down at her hands. She was trembling.
With fear. She wanted Mack, but did she want him to give up everything he was for her? Was that the price she wanted him to pay because he’d hurt her? She detested that she’d put him in this position. “Mack.” Her voice was gentle. Aching. “You’d grow to hate me. You live for this.”
“I live for you. I love being in Force Recon in the GhostWalker unit. That word you always want me to say to you. I love what I do. The missions. The action. The ability to make a difference in the world. I love that, Jaimie. But you’re my other half.
You’re everything. I don’t know how else to say it to you. There are no words for the way I feel about you. I hurt you, I know I did. I wanted to be your everything, more than love. I didn’t want to believe you could walk away from me and I let pride get in the way. I wanted you to come back to me on your own.”