He explained I would always want you physically. I didn’t go into the program blind.”
She frowned at him. “You knew what it would mean for you? The rest of your life you would always want me? And you still did it?”
“Yes. So stop feeling guilty. I had a choice; you didn’t. But you do now, Rose.” It had to be said, no matter how painful he found it to remind her.
She rubbed her fingers back and forth nervously along the hem of the blanket. “Actually, no, I don’t. Not anymore. I asked Whitney to pair me with you after you left me that night.”
Anger flashed through him. “You did what?” He glanced at the baby and lowered his voice. “Damn it, Rose, you didn’t.”
She lifted her chin at him. “I wasn’t going to condemn you to hell and not go with you.”
He studied her defiant expression; all the while he was melting inside. Rose had chosen him to father her child, but she refused to leave him out in the cold. She had insisted she share his fate. She had courage, raw courage, to condemn herself to share a life with a man she barely knew. “You’re insane, sweetheart, but I can’t help admiring you for it.”
He turned away from her briefly, hiding his expression before abruptly turning back, taking her face between his hands and thoroughly kissing her. Just as abruptly he let her go and stood straight. “I’ve got some things to do. You sleep while you can.”
He closed the door to the bedroom behind him, feeling as though for the first time in his life, he was complete.
Chapter 7
Rose thought she’d condemned him to hell and then deliberately put herself right there with him. Kane contemplated the thought and what it might mean as they developed a routine over the next week together. If he was living in hell, well, maybe that was just the place for him. He liked holding his son and watching Rose feed the boy. He enjoyed their quiet conversations about nothing in particular. He liked brushing her hair for her, and tucking the blankets around her. He didn’t even mind cooking, although they didn’t have much in the way of real food.
He knew they were living on borrowed time, but every passing day gave the baby a chance to grow stronger, to age one more day. Kane believed the time gave him more of a chance to continue to gain Rose’s trust. He knew he would need it in the days to come. They had a reprieve, but it was a very short one.
Rose always curled up in chairs, feet tucked under her, reminding him of a little cat. With their son cradled in her arms and her silky cap of hair disheveled, as though they’d just made love, Kane couldn’t help asking her. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said to me the night you delivered the baby, sweetheart.”
She glanced up at him, her gaze a little wary, her lips pursed in a little moue that sent his body into overdrive. He couldn’t help it, he wanted to kiss her thoroughly until that guarded look disappeared for all time.
“What did I say?”
“Just that you had condemned me to hell and then you decided to go with me.”
A blush stole up her neck and flushed her cheeks a soft pink. She shrugged, looking artfully casual. He wasn’t buying her act, even as pretty as it was.
“You really had Whitney pair you with me?”
“It’s no big deal.” She shrugged and nuzzled the baby.
“You decided to make certain you’d never be physically happy with another man? Why in the world would you do that?”
Her blush deepened. “We don’t really need to talk about this, do we?”
Now he was really curious. She actually bit her lower lip, one of the few signs of nervousness he’d ever detected in her. He leaned toward her and took the sleeping baby right out of her arms, leaving her without armor. “Yes, I really think we need to talk about it. That was a huge decision, Rose, that affects the entire rest of your life. You knew we might not get you out of Whitney’s facility, and I was never going to be stationed there permanently. I’d like to know why you chose to tie yourself to me like that.”
She rolled her eyes and heaved a long-suffering sigh. He snuggled the boy closer to him. He was so small it was terrifying to hold him, but Kane was determined to get comfortable with the process. The child—and Rose—certainly brought out his protective instincts. He waited while she wrestled with herself. Rose wouldn’t lie. He knew she wouldn’t. She would tell him the strict truth, even if it embarrassed her—as it so obviously did.
“We were already tied together if I was pregnant,” she pointed out, “so really, it wasn’t like a huge risk.”
His eyebrow shot up as she ducked her head, turning slightly away from him. Her body language said more than her words did. “Rose, I do believe you are evading the question.”
“Give me back the baby, and I’ll tell you.”
He cuddled his son closer, pressing one fingertip into the little soft palm. Tiny fingers closed around his. He drew in his breath sharply. “Giving him up for even a few minutes is difficult. Your answer had better be good.” He carefully placed the baby in her arms.
Rose looked down at the baby and then back up at him and smiled. She wore her smile like beautiful music; it didn’t come often, but when it did, his heart sang. He often just sat watching her, the way she moved, so graceful, like a ballerina. She was incredibly beautiful to him. Everything about her appealed to him. He liked to watch her expression when she bent over their son. So loving. So perfect. Soft and intimate when she looked up and shared that same smile with him. He felt complete in a way he never had and never had expected to.
Rose cleared her throat and looked him steadily in the eyes. He could feel his heart accelerate. The bantering was gone, and she was going to impart something of great importance to him. He felt as if everything inside him stilled—waited. He needed something from her and he wasn’t even certain what it was, but he knew this moment might be the one moment that meant everything to him, and he didn’t want to miss even the smallest nuance.
Rose swallowed again and, not taking her eyes from his, brushed a kiss over the baby’s head. “I didn’t want to ever accept anyone else in my life,” she announced softly. “You’re my choice for a life partner, and that isn’t going to change because we’re not together.”
For a moment the roaring in his ears nearly drowned out her declaration. His heart beat so hard he pressed his hand to his chest. What was she saying? She wanted to be with him? Even now when she could walk away from him and the entire GhostWalker program?