She inhaled sharply, biting into her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. Devon winced for her, it was not her physical pain, for she did not feel that, but he could feel the twisting emotional agony that wrenched through her. She did not flinch though; her eyes did not even flicker. She remained as still as stone, only four feet away from him, though it suddenly seemed like miles.
“Or at least I had thought I was.”
She released her bottom lip. His eyes latched onto the drop of blood that quivered on her mouth. This was not the time or place, and although he had glutted himself, he could not stop the thrill that shot through him. The need. If she sent him out of here tonight it would destroy him, but if she didn’t…
Well, if she didn’t, he may well destroy them both.
He didn’t know which was worse.
Then he met her unwavering gaze again, and he knew. He could keep control of himself for her; he could do anything for her. He could stay by her side, for to lose her would be far worse than the ninth circle of hell. Yes, though it was the hardest thing he would ever do, he would stay by her. If she would still have him.
Fear tore through him. He may lose her, but he could not lie to her. Not about this.
“What happened?” she asked softly.
“I happened.” Confusion marred her brow. “Maybe you should sit.”
She frowned at him, but she turned toward her bed and moved stiffly forward. She stopped before it, but did not sit. Instead, she turned back to him, hugging herself tightly. She seemed to simply have forgotten to sit as she watched him closely, her eyes weary and lost. In fact, she seemed to simply have wanted more space from him.
The subtle shifting of the trees outside cast shadows over her face and hair, hugging her lithe body. He stared at her for a long moment, his heart hammering with the fear that he may never be welcome in this room again, may never be able to hold her and love her again. “Go on,” she said softly.
Devon sighed as he ran a hand through his disheveled hair, he tugged on it as he began to pace. “Annabelle was a simple farm girl when I met her.”
“When did you meet her?” Cassie interrupted, her voice soft but carrying a steel edge of resolve.
He stopped pacing to face her. “Over a hundred and fifty years ago.”
Her eyes widened as she swiftly made the connection to the time when he had stopped feeding on, and killing, humans. Turmoil spun through her eyes, her hands clenched tighter upon her arms as her breath froze. “I see.”
Her voice was choked, her eyes distant. He could see the swift retreat she made from him, the walls she slammed into place to keep herself sheltered from hurt, and pain. To keep sheltered from life. He was looking at the woman that he had originally met, the girl who had avoided life. This was the girl who had kept herself locked away from the world in order to keep herself from experiencing the pain she had originally experienced with the harsh truth about the death of her parents, the monsters of the world, and the knowledge of what she truly was. She retreated swiftly behind her walls before he could shatter everything that she was.
Desperation seized hold of him. He could not be the one that drove her behind that wall of hopelessness and despair again as she simply waited to die. “Annabelle was the oldest of seven children, a good girl who helped her mother take care of her younger siblings. I met her at a barn dance in Iowa.
“She was young, beautiful, and so very innocent and sweet.” Cassie shuddered, her head bowed as she squeezed her eyes shut. Devon clenched his teeth, his hands fisted at his sides as he realized that he had just described Cassie. He rushed heedlessly on, knowing that his next words might drive her even further away, but he had to get them out.
“And I wanted to destroy all of that.”
Her head shot up, her eyebrows drew tightly together as she frowned at him. “I don’t understand.”
No, there was no way that she could understand what he had once been. He did not want her to, not completely anyway. “I was a different person back then Cassie. I wasn’t even a person. I was a monster. I lived to kill, to destroy. I lived for the thrill of the hunt and the game.”
“Game?”
He sighed. “Yes, it was all a game to me, and Annabelle was perfect for it. She had no idea about the cruelty of the world, no idea of the pain that lurked within the shadows. Annabelle was sweet and she was in love with Liam, a boy just like her. And I wanted nothing more than to ruin that love. I wanted her for myself, simply because I could not have her. At first I tried to seduce her, tried to lure her away like I could with any other woman. She refused my advances, which only increased my interest, my intensity for her.
“I convinced myself that I was in love with her. That I would never be happy without her. I became obsessed with her, and the challenge that she represented. I was used to getting whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it, and I was going to have her.”
Cassie stared out the window; the tips of her lashes were silvery in the moonlight. Her delicate jaw was set firmly, her nostrils flared slightly. Though she remained unmoving, he could feel the sorrow she radiated. “So what did you do?” she asked quietly.
“I spent a month trying to lure her away from Liam, but she was having none of it. Her mind and heart were filled with dreams of their future, their children, and their happiness. I hated him for it, and I was going to demolish it. No matter what it took.” She looked back at him, her eyes questioning but distant. “When it became apparent that she would have none of me, I took her by force.”
Cassie’s eyes widened, her breath inhaled sharply as she took a swift step away. The back of her knee connected with the bed, her leg buckled slightly, but she managed to stay on her feet. “Not like that Cassie,” he rushed on, realizing how the words had sounded. “I changed her. I thought if she became one of us she would want nothing more to do with Liam, that she would want me. I thought it would be wonderful to shatter her innocence, to turn her into a monster, to introduce her to the evil that suffused the earth.
“It was to be my greatest accomplishment.”
“I see,” Cassie said dully. “And once she became a monster you grew tired of her?”
Devon ignored the twinge of pain in his heart. He deserved her contempt, he hated it, but he deserved it. He had been an awful thing back then. He had been one of the cruelest, coldest vampires to walk the earth. He had relished in the kill, savored in every one of his victims, and enjoyed the dying light in their eyes. Though he had tried to make up for his almost six hundred years of murder and mayhem, he knew that he could never atone for the blood that stained his soul. A soul that only Cassie had managed to ease the pain of.