She tried to keep silent through the tortures, tried to hold Devon’s image close to her in order to get through each new thing they came up with for her. But most of the time they broke her. She would end up screaming, and in the room with the lights, they had brought her to tears. It was a fact she was ashamed of, and one that she didn’t share with Julian. She couldn’t bring herself to admit to him that she was even weaker than she had ever thought she was.
“Cassie.”
“Hmm,” she lifted her head slowly, every muscle in her body screamed in protest as she met Julian’s inquisitive gaze.
“Are you ok?”
She nodded as she rubbed the bridge of her nose tiredly. Today they had locked her within a dark room with no windows, and no light. She had spent hours curled up in a corner, wondering if they would come back for her, or if this was it. Wondering if this was where they were finally going to leave her until she died. The thought had been terrifying, the room nerve wracking, and lonely. She had pictured Devon as she huddled in the corner, frightened and alone, trying not to shatter. But it was getting harder to draw upon his image, to remember all of the details in this hideous place.
But they had come back for her. They had given her another shot, and they had deposited her in her room once more, where Julian had been waiting for her. She had no idea what they were looking for with all of these tests and tortures, no idea what they were trying to do to her, what they wanted to prove. And she couldn’t even begin to imagine. She only knew that it could not be good.
She also wondered how much longer they were going to keep them both alive. Once they were done with their tests, and knew whatever it was they wanted to know, she would be of no use to them, and neither would Julian. Cassie shuddered to think that they might destroy him before her, leaving her completely alone in this hell.
She knew she could not survive that. She would snap completely if she was left alone. Her sanity would shred, leaving her a shell of the person she had once been. She was beginning to wonder if that was what they truly wanted from her after all. If they just wanted to see her a huddled mess, unable to think or act coherently anymore.
“I’m fine,” she whispered, trying hard not to think about what they intended for them.
“Why don’t you tell me about when you used to ride,” he suggested softly.
Cassie thought back to her early years, when she had been obsessed with horses, and riding. She had taken lessons nearly every day, preferring to be on a horse than solid ground. They were the happiest times of her life, but she’d given up riding when Luther had arrived and informed her of her Hunter legacy.
There had been no room for riding after that, no time for anything other than training and fighting. She had lost a large part of herself when Luther had told her about the blood and death that would fill her life from that moment on. Part of that loss had been her love of riding, and the sense of freedom that it had given her. After Luther had arrived, she had never known freedom again.
She hadn’t thought about riding in a long time, had almost completely forgotten about it. It seemed like a life time ago now. She had been a completely different person then. That Cassie had been hopeful and bright and full of life. This Cassie was beaten, nearly broken, and barely clinging to her sanity.
She didn’t want to recall that time of her life, or that Cassie. It wasn’t comforting to her right now.
“No, I don’t want to talk about that, not tonight. Let’s talk about you tonight.”
Julian looked at her in surprise, but he seemed to sense her morose and sad thoughts. “What do you want to know?”
She was silent for a moment, there was so much that she wanted to know about him and his life. But she didn’t want to hear about Devon, not here, not now. She didn’t think she’d be able to tolerate thoughts of Devon right now, not after today anyway. “How did you become a vampire?” she asked quietly.
He turned toward her, his eyes dark and withdrawn, tired. It was obvious that the daily grind was starting to wear on him too. He was silent for a long moment before he finally answered. “I fell in love with the wrong woman,” he admitted.
Cassie’s eyebrows shot up, her mouth parted slightly in surprise. Julian, in love? It seemed impossible, and yet…
She had gotten to know him well since they had been locked in here. Yes, he was a murderer and he was vicious and cruel, but there was still a good man underneath it all. A good, caring man. One she had never expected to find. One she had never imagined could exist, and yet one that she had actually come to care for and trust. One that she relied on to help her stay alive, and sane.
“Who was she?” Cassie inquired.
He turned away from her, his jaw clenched as a muscle jumped in his cheek. For a moment she was afraid that he was not going to continue, that he would not talk about it with her. “She was everything,” he said softly. “Smart, sophisticated, and so very beautiful.” He looked back at her, his eyes narrowed slightly as he surveyed her. There was a keen appreciation in his gaze that rattled her slightly. “Almost as beautiful as you.”
Cassie’s mouth dropped, her eyes widened in shock. Julian thought she was beautiful? Cassie was discomfited by his words, but she was even more discomfited by the fact that the knowledge caused a strange thrill to run through her. She was oddly pleased by the notion. Cassie turned away from him as she tried to ignore the strange turning in her stomach. What the hell was the matter with her? Had she already lost her mind? Was this some sort of strange dream world that her shattered mind had created?
“What was her name?” she asked softly, trying to divert herself from her troubling thoughts and feelings.
“Victoria. Her name was Victoria and there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her, including give up my life, my humanity.”
“You can get your humanity back.”
He snorted softly. “It’s a little too late for that.”
She shook her head, swallowing heavily as she met his intense stare once more. “No it’s not, Devon changed.”
“And you would like it if I was more like Devon?”
There was a tight anger in his voice, a tension that alerted her to the fact that he was not pleased by the notion. She sighed softly, hating the anguish and self loathing that washed off of him. “No,” she said softly. “I like you just the way you are, but you have the choice to take your humanity back if you want it.”
His nostrils flared slightly, his eyes perused her slowly. “I suppose you’re right,” he said tersely. “I could make that choice if I wanted too.”