Devon rose as Cassie turned away from them. Though it looked as if she were about to leave, she did not. She simply stood stiffly, her eyes focused on the window. “But it’s already happened to me. It will happen again.”
“You don’t know that!” Chris protested instantly.
Her eyes turned slowly toward him, though she still looked shell shocked there was a cold acceptance about her. Devon felt his stomach drop as he realized that the Cassie he knew, the Cassie he had wanted back, was gone. That Cassie, though she’d had a hard life and had lost a lot, had still maintained some of her innocence.
This Cassie, well this Cassie knew the hardships of the world, had been devastated, changed, wounded, beaten down, and had survived it all. This Cassie was still the same, and yet she was so very different. She was harder, more resilient, more knowing. This Cassie would not turn against him; she would not hide from the world behind a wall of pain. This Cassie would face it head on and beat it down with her bare fists if she had too.
Though he had desperately wanted to keep her sheltered from this harsh reality of life, for he had never wanted her to know such pain, he knew now that it had been inevitable. She knew about the pain and the cruelty of the world now, she knew far more of it than most people. At first she had been destroyed by it, but not now, now she was like a phoenix rising from the ashes, more mature, more solid, an adult. A woman.
He wanted to go to her, but he knew that she had to face this on her own. “I do know that Chris,” she said softly, forcefully. “I know what is inside of me now; I know what is just beneath the surface. I felt that hatred and rage and it is something that you can never understand. And I never want you to.” Her gaze darted to Devon, a sad acceptance in it as for the first time she truly understood him, truly got what it was that he went through on a day to day basis. “And now that it has been released I will have to constantly struggle to keep it suppressed. I know it,” she said softly.
Devon nodded briefly, understanding what she was talking about. He knew how awful the constant struggle to keep himself restrained was. It was not something that he wanted Cassie to have to go through, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. He could not protect her from herself. He could only stand by her, and do what he could to make sure that she didn’t step over that precipice for good.
“It’s ok though,” she continued, turning her attention back to Chris, a small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.
“Cassie,” Melissa said softly, unable to keep the heartache from her voice.
“No, it really is ok. It makes things easier.”
“Excuse me?” Luther inquired sharply.
Her eyes found Devon’s again, for the first time in a long time a true gleam of hope filled them. “It makes the choice so much easier, it really does.”
Devon froze as hope sprang forth, nearly drowning him in its suffocating, pounding waves. “Do you mean?” he barely managed to squeeze out through the sudden constriction in his chest. He had wanted this for so long, dreamed of this moment, and now that it was finally here, he didn’t want to hear the words. Because they were words he was afraid that he could not fulfill.
Her smile widened, and although she was still unnaturally pale, there was a glow about her. “Yes,” she breathed. “I can’t get stuck in between if I’m already all the way over. I want to join you Devon.”
CHAPTER 11
Cassie heard the collective inhalation of breaths, but she couldn’t tear her gaze away from Devon. The need that radiated from him warmed her heart, caused her toes to curl, and made every scary thing about her decision completely right. It would be ok; he could calm the raging insanity in her. He knew all about what was inside of her, knew all about this monster that was living within her skin. He could help her control it, he could make it better, and he could make it so that she wouldn’t be some creature stuck in the middle, lost to a world of insanity and bloodlust. He could do all of that for her, and for the first time, she had no fear about letting him do so.
For the first time, in so very long, there was a sense of real peace inside of her. This was right, this was what she wanted, and it would be good. She knew that. Between them, things would be perfect, forever.
Even if she hadn’t just learned that she could lose complete control of herself, and everything she believed in, she knew that she had made the right choice. It was a choice she would have eventually made anyway, this new knowledge had just precipitated it faster. No matter what, she would have chosen to spend forever with him. To give him this peace and happiness, she would have done anything.
“Cassie,” Chris said softly. “Are you sure?”
She turned slowly away from Devon, bracing herself for the disgust she was sure would be on their faces. She loved them all dearly, but she had made her choice and she was going to stick by it. She was surprised to find that there was no disgust there however. In fact, Chris and Melissa looked as if they had been expecting this; Dani had retreated to the window and was not looking at them. Only Luther didn’t look happy.
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry, but you can’t.”
Cassie’s head snapped toward Luther, anger and frustration rolled through her. She hadn’t expected her decision to be met with open arms, but she had expected some of Luther’s prejudice’s against Devon to have lessened. Hell, they had worked together in order to find out more about the Hunter’s like her. She had assumed that they had formed a bond between them, that Luther now accepted Devon.
“Luther…”
He held up a hand, stalling her angry tirade. His gaze was sad, lost, wounded. Cassie’s mouth snapped shut in the face of his distress. He glanced toward Devon, opening his mouth and then closing it again. Whatever it was he had to say, it was more than apparent he didn’t want to say it.
Taking a deep breath, Luther rubbed the bridge of his nose before meeting her gaze once more.
“Cassie, we don’t know what will happen to you if you are changed.”
She frowned fiercely at him before turning to Devon. He looked just as confused as her for a moment, and then the furrows in his brow cleared. He turned to her, his eyes dark and dangerous, his jaw clenched tight. It was the anger and despair in his gaze that caused her heart to turn over, and her stomach to plummet.
“No Hunter has ever been changed Cassie,” Luther continued gently. “There is no way of knowing what that change might bring. You already have vampire DNA in you, more so than most Hunter’s. We do not know what would happen to any Hunter that is changed; let alone what will happen to you. You are so close to the precipice now. We do not know what you will become, if you can be controlled.”