“It’s hard to explain. It’s like up until now I’ve gone through life in a fog and now the mist has cleared. I feel.”
Juliette nodded. “And it scares the living daylights out of you.”
“That’s putting it mildly.” What Mike did for her, to her and with her, reminded her of everything she’d sworn off early in life. Her father had destroyed her illusions, her perfect family, and worse, another human being. If that was the result of so-called love and passion, Carly could live without it.
But she couldn’t compromise herself to be Peter’s perfect mate. Not anymore. In fact, she couldn’t believe she’d convinced herself it was for the best. She’d observed her mother doing that kind of compliance, and for years, Carly had silently condemned her for it. Yet in an effort to break free of her father’s actions, she’d somehow believed she would be happy with that kind of bland life.
Thanks to Mike’s appearance, she now knew better. In that respect his observations had been on target. “Mike scares me,” she admitted. “But he isn’t what this is about.”
Juliette raised an eyebrow, looking skeptical. “Okay, then. Peter’s brother arrives from...”
“Overseas.”
“Overseas. Knocks you off your feet, makes you reconsider marrying Peter, thank the good Lord, but he isn’t what this life-altering decision is about?”
“No.” The excuse sounded lame to Carly, too. But no matter how much Mike Novack affected her, he was not a part of her future. “The man is sexy and sweet, but he’s just passing through my life.”
“What if he’s not? Every person has that perfect mate out there, Carly. What if he’s the one?”
She closed her eyes, wishing it was possible. But instead of happily ever after, all she saw were the pictures Mike had graphically described to her. War zones and traveling, danger and excitement. Those things appealed to Mike. He wasn’t the kind of man who wanted a wife and kids back home, or people to answer to.
And she wasn’t the kind of woman who would accept any less. Once he was gone, he was out of her life forever. They both knew it. “Even if he’s the one, Jules, he’s just not the staying kind of guy.”
* * *
Now that the decision had been made, Carly needed to get it over with as soon as possible. She drew a deep breath and with a trembling hand let herself into Peter’s office.
“Hi.” For his sake, she forced a smile.
“Hello.” He stood, then adjusted his tie. His gaze traveled over her, his brows crinkling with concern. “You look exhausted.”
“I am. Can I sit?” she asked, avoiding the urge to wring her hands. She had too much nervous energy building up inside her. She wasn’t sure she could get through telling him. Nor was she sure how to tell him without hurting him, something she did not want to do.
“Sure.” He gestured to the chair across from his desk. Carly sat, feeling more like a client than his fiancée. The signs had been there all along. She had just chosen not to heed them.
“I’ve got just a few minutes before the department meeting, so...”
She clenched her jaw, which only added to the building headache she’d had for the past few days. Even before talking to Juliette, she’d agonized over Mike’s blunt words in the bridal shop. Hearing her own fears verbalized by someone else, especially Mike, had sent her into a panic. Fight or flight, she now realized. She’d chosen first to fight Mike and then to run from the truth in his words. After two days locked in a battle with herself, she could now face the truth.
She fingered the strap on her purse and wondered how in the world to begin. “I know you hate unexpected surprises, but this is important.” And that was but one problem. Each time Peter ignored her for work or squeezed her in as an inconvenience to be tolerated, he put a serious dent in not only their relationship but in her self-esteem.
She deserved better.
“Like I said, I’ve got a few minutes. What’s wrong?” he asked.
“What isn’t wrong?” She leaned forward. “I don’t know how to say this except to just... say it. I want... I need... that is, I don’t think this marriage will work.” She forced the words out, then exhaled in relief.
She dared a glance at Peter’s face. Shock and disbelief crossed his features. “You what?”
She swallowed over the lump in her throat. “We’re different. It’s so obvious you can’t miss it... unless, of course, you want to.” Or aren’t paying attention, she thought sadly. “Take the wedding: I compromised on every major issue. The caterers, the color scheme, the rings...”
“If this is about those plain rings, we’ll cancel the original order and go back to buy those.”
Too little, too late, she thought.
“You should have said something sooner.”
“I did. Over and over.” Not that it had made a difference in their relationship. Wedding arrangements should have solidified the bond between them, not driven them farther apart. Their relationship had disintegrated and neither one had acknowledged the warning signs in time to rectify the problem. If Peter searched his heart as she had searched her own, would he also discover that he really hadn’t cared enough to bother? They’d each wanted something out of their relationship. Unfortunately they’d been two people with parallel goals. Their needs and desires had never crossed.
She glanced up at him through watery eyes. “You never wanted to hear.”
“All couples go through last-minute jitters right before the wedding. I’m sure we can work things out. Compromise on some issues, things like that.”
Laughter bubbled from within, threatening to erupt in tears or hysterics, she wasn’t sure which. She shook her head. “No more, Peter.” She’d made her decision and intended to stick with it. The determination in her voice took her by surprise.
Peter slammed his hand on the desk. “I knew I couldn’t trust my do-gooder brother.” Peter stood and walked around the desk, kneeling in front of her. “If this is about Regina, it’s over. I swear she has nothing to do with us. She never did. From now on...”
Carly tried to absorb Peter’s words and meaning, but her head whirled and she couldn’t manage to think straight. Feelings, however, pulsed through her, their message clear. Betrayal, pain and anger. Every reason she’d picked Peter as her safe fiancé disintegrated in front of her eyes.