I nod, unable to speak. The lump in my throat is too much, too big, too sticky.
There are probably a thousand people on this beach. Every one of them is screaming and dancing except me.
The only thing we have in common is that every single one of us is falling in love with Conner Burke right now.
But I’m not falling for the first time.
These flutters in my stomach, the relentless pounding of my heart, the quick, sharp breaths, they’re not new to me.
I’m falling in love with him, all over again.
Forever’s just a dream, somethin’ to imagine,
Don’t deny me ’cause it hurts, don’t fight it ’cause it burns,
You know you want me, I’ll give you everythin’,
All I got to give, if you give to me . . .
“It’s you, isn’t it?” Leila says above the noise of the screams. “It’s always you, isn’t it?”
I nod again. “Always.”
“How the hell can you let him leave without you next week?”
I lean into her side, resting my head on her shoulder. Conner’s eyes haven’t left mine. They’re totally focused, raw, a path straight through to his heart.
“I can’t.”
There’s always a rush after performing. It hits the second you step backstage, when the adrenaline is buzzing through your veins and you’re still high on the screams of the crowd, it seems like nothing can bring you down.
Especially now that I have Mila in my arms, hugging me tightly.
“Dadda good son.”
“You think?”
“Yeah.”
I nod. “You want it for bedtime?”
“Oh, yeah!”
The excitement in her voice makes me smile. I spin her around and flip her up onto my shoulders. She giggles, holding on to my hair a little too hard. I wince.
“You seen Sofie?” I ask Kye.
He shakes his head.
“She left,” Ajax says, appearing from nowhere. “She told me to ask you if you could take Mila home.”
“She really waited for my answer,” I mutter. “I don’t have a child seat for her.”
“I have one in my car,” he reassures me. “I’m practically a taxi for my sister and nephew whenever I’m not here. I’ll take you two home.”
“Really? Thanks, man.” I turn to my brothers. “Look, I gotta get Mila home to bed. You all right sortin’ this out?”
Kye nods. “You go.”
“Thanks.” I carry Mila over to Ajax’s car.
As promised, there’s a child seat in the back. I strap Mila in, shut the door, and jump into the front. Ajax starts the engine without a word and pulls away from the craziness of the beach. I lean back in the plush leather seat and exhale slowly.
“You two still not sorted your issues?”
“Oh, they’re sorted. It’s what happens after the issues.”
He laughs. “Right. It’s always that way. They never know what they want.”
“I think she knows exactly what she wants. She’s just too damn stubborn to take it.”
And ain’t that the damn truth.
“Sounds about right from what I’ve seen of her.” He laughs again. “Not many girls would sit on a car to make a point after just being thrust into the limelight.”
“Yeah, well, fortunately sometimes her stubborn streak outweighs her fears.”
“Fears? Really? You’re telling me that about the girl who threatened to smash a guy’s camera if he didn’t, and I quote, ‘get it the eff out of her face within five seconds.’ ”
My lips quirk. “Oh, yeah. Sofie’s fearless, but she’s also the most scared person I know.”
“She’s got another person to protect. She’s allowed to be afraid.”
But what Ajax doesn’t know is that her fears aren’t completely for Mila.
Ajax pulls up in the driveway. I thank him for the ride and get Mila from the backseat.
The front door opens and Sofie stands there, now wearing cotton shorts and a tight-fitting tank that reads: RUN NOW, WINE LATER.
“Thanks for bringing her back,” she says softly, reaching for her.
“I’m good. The guys are packin’ up.” I stand my ground until she moves to the side. “Leila go home?”
Sofie nods. “I dropped her off on the way.”
“Good.” I turn to look at Mila. “Ready for bed, little girl?”
She yawns in answer.
“I’ll get her a milk.” Sofie slips past me and disappears into the kitchen.
I grab a diaper from the bag in the hall and carry Mila upstairs. She yawns for a third time. Going to the concert must have really tired her out.
I stand her in the middle of her room. “Arms up!”
She holds them up and I pull her dress over her head, leaving her standing in her diaper and socks and shoes. She sits down when I ask, and I pull the shoes and socks off, then change her diaper.
She grabs Bunna and yawns into her hand. Sheesh.
“She can sleep like that,” Sofie says quietly from the door. “It’s real hot tonight.”
She’s telling me. I’ve been standing under stage lights for almost two hours.
“Oookay.” I lift Mila into her crib.
She lies down, reaching for her milk from Sofie, and tucks the cup into her chest. Sofie covers her gently with a thin blanket and turns to press Play on the iPod.
I beat her to it, and the opening notes of our song come on. She lifts her eyes to mine and inhales sharply. She pauses, and then she ducks around me, running downstairs.
“Night, baby,” I whisper to Mila.
I shut her door quietly and follow Sofie downstairs. I walk into the front room, expecting her to be there, but she isn’t. The downstairs bathroom is empty, and so are the kitchen and dining room.
My feet guide me outside. She’s standing in the middle of the yard, looking up, her hands in her hair.
“She’s got that long blonde hair, them baby blue eyes, but when I say she’s pretty she’s so surprised,” I sing, walking up behind her. “She’s got a smile like heaven, the attitude of hell, she thinks she keeps me guessin’ but I know her well.”
She turns her face into me, a tiny smile curving the edges of her mouth, and I rest my hands on her hips.
“And I just can’t resist, them pretty pink lips, and damn I love it when she sways those crazy hips.” I sway her hips side to side, and she laughs softly. “She stole my heart like a thief in the night, but I don’t mind, she makes them dark days bright.”