I nod and sip the coffee.
“Smart-ass,” he mutters. “Is she going for a nap soon?”
I know where this is going. “Yes, after lunch, and yes, we’ll talk then.”
He sips his drink slowly, his eyes on mine. “Good.”
Silence hovers between us for a long moment, and then . . .
“Mama? Mama? SARS!”
I sit on the sofa to the daily “no nap” chorus being shouted from upstairs and bring my legs up, wrapping my arms around my knees and hugging my thighs to my chest. My chin rests on the top of my knees, and I stare at a spot on the wall over the top of Conner’s head.
“She do that often?” he asks, breaking through the silence.
Without Mila here, it’s tense. Unfortunately his words don’t snap that tension, just the silence.
“Every single day,” I reply. “Give her two minutes, and she’ll give up and go to sleep.”
“Stubborn, huh?”
“She learned from the best,” I mutter to myself.
Conner catches it anyway, and his lips twitch. “You said it.”
Before, I would have flicked my foot out and kicked him. Now I just sit, still staring at the wall.
That doesn’t stop my foot from twitching, though, wanting to move, wanting to prove that there’s still a part of the perfect past in the imperfect present.
“Why’d you do it, Sof?” he asks softly. “Why’d you take her?”
I hug my knees tighter. “My whole life I watched you guys practice night after night. I listened to you singing even when you thought no one could hear you. You all did that because you had a dream, Con. You wanted to be the best. I recorded an endless amount of YouTube videos for you guys until you finally got noticed. You guys rose to fame the way you and I fell in love. We were all too caught up in the whirlwind.” I sigh gently. “Then y’all made it. You were it, the ones everyone wanted. And then I found out about Mila.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered.”
“But it would have.” I finally drop my eyes to his. “You can’t just look after a baby when you want to. They’re life-changing, but you’d already had your life-changing. You and the guys had y’all’s dream within touching distance, and I couldn’t take that from you. I couldn’t have your dream denied that way.”
He shifts in his seat and runs his fingers through his hair. “We could have made it work, Sof. Somehow. We would have done it.”
“No, we wouldn’t have.” I smile sadly. “You would have given up the band to be with us. I’m not saying what I did was right, but it was the best choice at the time. I did what I thought was right for someone I loved.”
“And now? You doin’ what’s right now?”
“For Mila? Yes.” I pause, and his gaze is harsh.
“Honestly? You think I believe that?”
“You don’t have to believe it. You don’t have to believe a damn thing I say, Conner. You just have to accept it because it’s the truth.”
“Yeah, now give me the fuckin’ rest.”
“Rest of what?” I swing my legs down off the sofa and walk out of the room.
He follows me. “That right there tells me you’re hidin’ shit, princess. Now, what is it?”
I slam the coffee mug down on the counter. My chest heaves with my harsh breath, and I look away. “I gave you the answer you wanted. I told you why I took her. You never asked why I left. I don’t have to tell you anything else.”
I don’t have to tell him how the thought that he might not come back near broke my heart. I don’t have to tell him how the thought of him having another life, one separate from me and the baby inside me, crushed me.
I don’t have to tell him how I was too afraid to tell him everything and that’s why I ran.
He puts his hands either side of me on the counter. I can feel him behind me. The warmth from his solid body seeps through the flimsy material of my shirt and into my skin. I fight a shiver but I fail, and my shoulders jerk with it.
Conner’s fingers twitch. “You broke my heart, Sofie. Of course you owe me an explanation.”
“Actually, I don’t,” I force out, spinning. And he’s close. Hell, he’s so close. So close I can feel his breath across my lips and almost feel him fight not to close the distance.
“How d’you figure that?”
I pull my eyes from his mouth and meet his searing gaze. “Because this ain’t about us, that’s how. So move your ass, Conner. This is about Mila.”
He doesn’t move. Deathly still, he stands, testing my resolve with every beat of my heart.
He dips his head so his mouth hovers above mine. I breathe in sharply, my eyes dropping, and just when I think he’s going to drop his lips to mine, he jerks his face to the side.
“Really,” he whispers in my ear. “Ain’t about us, my ass, Sofie Callahan.”
“It isn’t,” I bite out.
“Then stop looking at me like you want me to kiss you, because you’re making it fuckin’ hard for me to be mad at you.”
I shove his chest. “Maybe you should stop looking at me altogether, then your problem would be solved.”
He steps back and smiles. “I would if I didn’t enjoy the view so much.”
“So much for being mad at me.”
“I can be mad at you and turned on at the same time. It’s a skill.”
“A skill I don’t welcome, thank you very much.” I give up on the coffee and sweep past him. “And we’re done talking now. Mila will be asleep for another couple hours yet. I won’t keep her from you, Con. Not now. You can see her whenever you want, but right now I need to be alone. I’ll call you when she wakes up.”
Conner leans against the doorframe and regards me with amusement. His eyes hold so many feelings I can’t even decipher them all, and I doubt he can either. I sure as hell can’t decipher mine.
“You always were cute.”
“Call me cute when my foot is up your ass.” I glare at him.
“You could be covered in pig shit and still be cute.” He laughs.
“You always were a douchebag.”
The grin from his laughter stays in place. “You’re cute, because I’m not going anywhere.” He strolls in and sits on the sofa next to me.
Like, right next to me.
I get up and sit on the other sofa. He watches me as I do, and I know he’s laughing inside. And I don’t care.