"Damn!" Mandy ran over to the mirror hanging in the hall. "I’m a wreck! I have plane hair."
"Who cares what you look like?" Jamie sniffed. "I think he has a lot of nerve just showing up here without even calling first. Where has he been for the last three months?"
While that was true, it didn’t negate the need to look good when she saw him again. Obviously Caroline understood her plight better as she was whipping a comb and lipstick out of her purse on the coffee table.
Mandy had just patted, powdered, and finished puckering when someone knocked on the door. She was glad she was wearing a sundress and heels. "Do I look pregnant?" she asked as Jamie went to answer the door.
"No," Caroline said.
"Good." She wasn’t sure why it mattered, but she didn’t want Ben to see her as a pregnant woman. She didn’t want to see how he would react.
After letting Ben in, Jamie and Caroline discreetly took themselves off down the hall, and Mandy was left staring at the man who had fathered her baby.
She felt surprisingly little.
She didn’t remember him being quite so short, or his blond hair quite so thin on top. "Hello, Ben. How are you?"
"Mandy." He came forward and kissed her cheek. "I’m fine, thanks. And I have to say, pregnancy agrees with you. You look fantastic."
Well, it was something. She couldn’t help but grit her teeth, though. Had he been hoping she would look like hell as she pined over him?
"Thank you." She stared at him expectantly. There had to be a point to this little visit, and she didn’t feel like being courteous in the meantime. Any feelings she had ever had for his politeness, his stability, his kindness, had all evaporated when he had told her he had no intention of ever seeing his child.
"Can I sit down?" Ben was wearing neatly pressed navy slacks and a white golf shirt. He patted his pocket and smiled awkwardly, almost as if he were nervous.
"Ben." She sighed. Sleeping was sounding more and more appealing. "I just got home from a business trip. I’ve been on a plane for over three hours and stood in line at customs for almost two. I’m tired. What do you want?"
"My son just graduated from Fordham this past weekend."
A pain started behind her eyes. That son was her child’s half brother and her baby would never even know him. "Give him my congratulations then." She almost laughed at the inanity of her comment, but her mother had taught her manners, if anything.
"I will. And seeing him, well, it got me thinking. You’re having my child."
Was that supposed to be a newsflash? Mandy decided her feet hurt too much to stand anymore. She sank onto the couch and kicked off her sandals. "That’s my understanding, yes."
"And I thought I ought to check on you, see how you are. See if you need anything." He cleared his throat and looked at her.
Was she supposed to understand what the hell he wanted? Because it wasn’t getting through to her. "I’m doing quite well. I have a new job, with good benefits." Though the biggest benefit – Damien in her bed – was no longer available. "I’m feeling better now that the morning sickness has passed, and the doctor says everything is progressing normally. I don’t really need anything right now." Except for him to go home so she could lie on her bed and give large melancholy sighs as she thought about her boss.
"We could get back together," he blurted suddenly, ramming his hand into his pocket. "Pick up where we left off."
Mandy closed her eyes and prayed she would not strangle the father of her unborn child. Searching for every shred of decency she possessed, she spoke slowly so she wouldn’t start cursing at him. "I don’t think that’s possible, Ben. I don’t have the feelings for you I once did."
"I’m not suggesting we live together or anything." He hastened to make qualifications to his statement as if she hadn’t even spoken. "I don’t think either of us is ready for that. But I want to be in our child’s life. And yours. We’ve a permanent bond now, Mandy."
That’s what she was afraid of. "I won’t deny our child its father if you want to be involved."
Ben came toward her and smiled, sitting next to her on the couch. "I knew you’d be a sport about this, Mandy. I just needed time to get used to the idea. You can understand that."
Oh, she could understand it all right. But unlike him, she hadn’t been given the option of ignoring the situation for three months. She turned, her patience entirely used up, when she saw that Ben was leaning toward her.
Oh, dear God, he was going to kiss her. She stood hastily up, bumping Ben’s nose with her arm. "I’m really done up, Ben. Why don’t you call me in a few days when you’ve thought out exactly what it is you want."
"I know what I want. You and our child." His gaze went to her chest as he stood up next to her. "You’ve changed since I saw you last. You look bloody fantastic, Mandy."
If he tried to touch her breast she was going to scream. "Ben!"
"What?" He looked genuinely surprised, which meant he hadn’t been listening to a word she’d said. "I care about you, Mandy. We were together for six months, and I thought you’d be happy now that I’ve come to my senses. A child needs both parents."
That was true. It was absolutely true. Yet she suddenly felt like crying. "Ben, please just give me some space. I’m really tired. Please."
She wondered what would happen to his face if she told him that she’d just got back from having sex with her boss. Would he turn purple? Would his face just slide right off onto her hardwood floors? Would he suffer an apoplexy? It seemed safer not to find out right at the moment.
"All right, of course." He touched her elbow, the picture of concern. "You can call me at home or at the office anytime, you know that. My ex-wife is throwing a graduation party for Nick on Saturday, but other than that I’m free."
She nodded. "I’ll be in touch." It didn’t matter that she’d be perfectly happy to never see Ben again. He was this baby’s biological father and there was no way around that. If he wanted to be a father, a real father, she couldn’t deny him or her baby that relationship.
But that didn’t include her. There was no way she could rekindle whatever feelings she’d had for Ben. Not after his abandonment.
Not after Damien.