I decided to hang out with Murphy for a while. It seemed like eternity since I’d seen him last. I still came here almost every day, so technically, it hadn’t been long at all, but I guess all the things happening lately made my days seem fuller.
I wasn’t sure what to feel anymore.
The last few weeks had changed things for me in ways I didn’t really understand. I used to be focused on school. On animals and just keeping my head down. I was still completely dedicated to becoming a vet, and school was still very important to me… but it seemed like lately it might not be enough.
Emotions stirred in me, emotions I thought I stuffed down so deep they’d disappeared. A couple weeks with Romeo, a few bone-melting kisses, and a lunch with two girls, and I realized they had been there all along. Waiting. Lurking. Watching.
I liked Romeo. More than I wanted to. How much longer could I fight it? The minute he touched me, I seemed to turn to mush. It’s like everything my head knew to be true was pushed aside by my overeager heart.
Romeo was dangerous to me. Not in any physical sense, not even a threat to my future. I would see my dream of becoming a veterinarian come to life. Nothing would stop me from that.
But on an emotional level, Romeo was possibly an atomic bomb. He scared me. He scared me more than any guy I’d ever met, even the one from years ago. Maybe because this time I knew whatever piece of me I let him have I would never, ever get back.
How could I surrender any part of me to him?
Dangling right here before me was an entire life. Friends. A guy. Something more than just me, myself, and I.
I wanted it.
How would I know I could trust him? How could I trust any of them?
I sighed and looked away from the open textbook in front of me, not even bothering to try and read it anymore. Murphy was curled up in my lap, and I stroked his velvety fur and leaned my head back against the wall. “I wish I knew what to do, Murphy,” I whispered.
I closed my eyes and concentrated on the vibrations against my legs from Murphy’s machine-like purr and tried to clear my mind. A few moments later, Murphy stopped purring and I felt him lift his head.
I opened my eyes and looked across the room.
Romeo was standing in the doorway, watching me. Our eyes collided. We stared at each other for a long time. I don’t really know what he was looking for, but I was searching for something, anything that would tell me how he really felt.
He was wearing a pair of washed-out jeans that hung dangerously low on his narrow hips. His deep-royal and yellow-gold varsity jacket was open to reveal a black T-shirt with some sort of faded logo on the front. His hair was damp like he’d just come from a shower and it was tousled and messy on top like he’d been running his fingers through it.
His shoulders were the same wide width as always, but beneath his captivating blue eyes was a hint of darkness, giving him a slightly weary look.
“Hey,” I finally said, breaking the silence.
“Hey,” he replied, coming farther into the room. Neither of us said anything else as he dropped down in front of me, mirroring my Indian-style pose. His knees bumped against mine he sat so close, and my stomach flipped over at the casual touch.
Murphy abandoned my lap and climbed into Romeo’s. He glanced down, lifted half his mouth, and scratched him behind the ears. “Figured you’d be here,” he said.
“Just getting some studying done. Hanging out with Murph,” I replied.
“Can I hang out too?” he asked.
“Sure.”
I don’t know why things suddenly seemed awkward between us. I didn’t know what to say or how to act. Just because we kissed a couple times didn’t mean we were dating or together. He kissed lots of girls. I knew I wasn’t anyone special. What I didn’t understand was the hoodie. Why he wanted me to wear it so badly. I heard the whispers this afternoon. No one had ever been spotted wearing it around like that.
“You’re not wearing my shirt,” he said, as if he knew where my mind had gone.
“I didn’t want to get hair all over it.” I gestured to Murphy.
“I just got done with practice,” he said, and it seemed it was more to fill the silence than anything else.
“You look tired,” I said honestly.
He gave me a sheepish look. “I’m fucking exhausted.” Then his eyes sparkled. “But don’t tell anyone that. I got a rep to protect.”
I smiled, but it didn’t last long. He did have a rep to protect. It was exactly why I couldn’t understand that he was here with me.
My phone went off beside me. Seconds later, Romeo’s went off as well.
I picked mine up and looked down at the latest Buzz. I felt the blood drain from my head. It was about me. The BuzzBoss called me a nerd. No, worse… a hashtag nerd. Pretty soon I would be trending all over the Alpha social waves.
Everyone thought I was going after Romeo.
I snorted because it was freaking ridiculous. The loud sound caused Murphy to look up from beneath Romeo’s hand.
He was staring down at his screen too. I knew he was seeing the same notification I was.
His eyes lifted to mine. I jumped up, taking my book with me, and strode to where my bag was and started packing everything up. When I turned, he was at my elbow, Murphy in his arms.
“It’s just the stupid BuzzFeed,” he murmured. “No one pays attention to it anyway.”
I laughed. “Do you even believe that?”
His gaze was unreadable when I reached for Murphy and pulled him against my chest. “You should go.”
“You’re mad.”
“Yeah, maybe I am.”
“I didn’t write that Buzz,” he said.
“It’s not the stupid Buzz!” I cried. Then I felt contrite. I sighed and took Murphy over to his shelter and placed him gently inside. After I made sure everything was closed up, I grabbed my stuff off the table, his hoodie one of those items.
“I’ll drive you back to campus,” he said.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
His eyes narrowed.
Michelle came out and saw us standing outside the cat room. “Romeo,” she said with a wide smile. “Did you come to give Rimmel a ride?”
“Yes,” he said smoothly, looking at me with a dare in his eyes.
“Good, I won’t feel bad that I have to stay late.”
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“Everything’s fine,” she said. “We have an animal coming in from another county and he won’t be here until late.”