“Is my decision to make. Fill out the papers, Heven. I will be by tomorrow after work to get them, and you.”
“What do you mean?” My heart began hammering in my chest. I couldn’t go back home. I wouldn’t be able to see Sam.
“She’s welcome to stay here,” Grandma said, alarmed.
“I won’t have my daughter staying with someone who doesn’t have her best interest at heart.”
“She’s been such a great help here. The barn and land can be a lot to take care of…” Grandma said, wringing her hands. I knew she was searching for a way to keep me there, and I loved her for it.
“She can come out on the weekends after church to help you out.”
I saw the defeat on Grandma’s face. I couldn’t stay here unless Mom allowed it.
“I’ll fill out the papers.” I said, low.
Both women looked at me, surprised. “What did you say?” Mom asked.
“If you let me stay here, with Grandma, I’ll fill out the papers for camp right now. You can take them with you.”
“You like it here that much better?” She seemed hurt by this.
“I’ll start going back to church too,” I added, hoping to sway her.
“How are your grades?”
“Really good.”
“Oh yes, she studies every night,” Grandma agreed. Minutes ticked by, minutes of Mom studying me, judging me. Suddenly I wished I had left my hair down.
“Fine,” Mom relented. “Get the papers.”
I hurried to fill out the papers and shove them into the envelope, not wanting her to have enough time to change her mind. When they were finished I handed them to her and turned away.
“I’ll see you tomorrow night at Bible study?”
Inside I cringed. “Yes.”
“All right then.” I heard her hesitation, and I stared at the wall just praying that she would go. “Bye, Heven.”
I didn’t trust my voice, so I nodded. I barely heard her saying goodbye to my grandma and the sound of her car pulling away from the house. I felt as if I’d just signed my life away, and all I could hear was the ticking of the clock. It was ruthlessly counting down the minutes until I had to show up at church tomorrow.
Grandma hugged me from behind. “It’s going to be fine.”
Her hug reminded me that what I did was necessary. If I hadn’t signed those papers and agreed to church, then I wouldn’t be here. I would be a prisoner with Mom acting as my jailer, and there was absolutely no way I would get to see Sam. Yes, my sacrifices were nothing compared to living without Sam. There was just one thought that made my insides shake: if I was the evil one, why did it suddenly feel like I’d just made a deal with the devil?
Chapter Eighteen
Heven
“I need to tell you something.”
I knew by the tone of his voice and the look on his face that it wasn’t good. After my mother left, I’d come outside to sit on the porch steps to wait for Sam. I knew I made the right decision by signing those papers and promising to go back to church, but I still doubted myself. I knew that once I saw Sam my insecurities would go away.
When his truck came up the long dirt drive my heart fluttered in anticipation. But hearing his words now did not erase any of the tension coiled inside me. “Okay.” I clasped my hands in my lap and waited for more bad news.
The screen door squeaked open and Gran poked her head out. “Breakfast is getting cold.”
“Thank you for having me,” Sam said politely.
“My pleasure, Sam. Come on in.”
I stood to follow Grandma, but felt Sam grasp me from behind. “Hey.”
I looked over my shoulder.
“Don’t look so sad, honey.” He pulled me close. “It’s not terrible. We’ll talk after we eat.”
I nodded.
“Where’s the smile I saw this morning?” He tickled my ribs.
I squirmed, a giggle escaping. He pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Everything is going to be fine.”
The way he said it, I wondered who he was trying to convince.
“You think this isn’t terrible?” I asked, my stomach turning.
“I know it isn’t.”
“You just told me that China is back.” From wherever it was that she went.
He nodded.
“The woman who attacked me–” I reached up to my unsightly scars and continued, “–has been stalking me, has threatened you, and wants me dead?”
He sighed.
“This is terrible.”
He grabbed my shoulders and leaned down to look directly into my eyes. “Listen to me, do not freak out. I just wanted you to know so that you would be more careful.”
Oh, that made me feel better. Now I could add worrying about him getting killed to my list.
“Breathe, honey,” he reminded me. “In. Out. In. Out.”
My lungs obeyed.
“That’s my girl.”
We sat there a long time, in the middle of my grandma’s orchard, beneath the newly budding fruit trees. I felt grateful that Sam had suggested we walk after breakfast, because this news, coupled with my morning adventures with Mom, did not put me in the frame of mind to hide my anxiety from Grandma.
“What else happened this morning?”
“What?”
“Heven, I know something happened. When I left you this morning everything was good. The next time I saw you there was pain in your eyes. What happened?”
I felt so safe with him that the words tumbled from my lips without thought. “My mother.”
He stilled. Even his heartbeat slowed. “She came to see you?”
“Yeah. She threatened to make me move back home.”
He sucked in a breath.
“But I filled out the papers for that camp and promised to go back to church.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because if I had to move back home, she wouldn’t let me see you. She wouldn’t let me do anything.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“I think I hurt her feelings.” I regretted that much more than I’d realized.
“Your mother’s?”
“Yeah. She was shocked that I wanted to stay here so much.”
He grunted.
“For a long time now it’s been just me and her. I thought that wouldn’t change, you know? But now it’s like we are two completely different people, and she doesn’t understand me at all.”
“I understand.” I heard the emotion behind his words. He did know. More than anyone ever could.