His arms tightened even harder around me and I felt the breath catch in his chest. “I’ve always been with you.”
“I thought I wasn’t allowed to see you.”
“Things have been hard lately,” he said, drawing me back and looking down at my face. Concern darkened his features, but I drank them in hungrily. He was tall, almost six feet with a strong build including wide shoulders. His hair was light—like mine, but his eyes were a deep brown that Mom always called puppy-dog eyes.
“Have you seen what’s been happening?”
“Most everything,” he confirmed.
“Not all?” I wondered which parts he hadn’t seen and why he hadn’t been watching.
His lips pulled into a quick smile and I was reminded of Cole. I wondered how I never put the resemblance together before. In fact, if I had been able to see my dad’s aura, I was sure it would look a lot like my brother’s.
“I wasn’t able to see anything about your recent trip into the Underworld.” His mouth pulled down in disapproval. “You’re injured.”
He held out his hands to my face, but I stepped away. The mention of Hell made my chest feel heavy and Sam’s beautiful face flashed into my mind. As intensely glad as I was to have these few moments with my father, it just wasn’t enough to shadow the pain I carried knowing that Sam was trapped in Hell. Sam.
I didn’t realize—not at first—that the thought was spoken, an unconscious attempt at reaching out to my beloved.
I’m still here, Heven.
The whisper of his words and the intensity of relief that rushed through me almost brought me to my knees. I heard the sob that ripped from my throat and was powerless to stop it.
Every time I talked to him I was afraid it would be our last conversation.
I was afraid that the very fine thread that tethered me to sanity might snap and I would float away into complete grief.
Are you all right? I didn’t know what else to ask. Everything else was too hard to broach. I’d left him there. What if he felt betrayed and hurt and didn’t want to speak to me ever again?
I looked up at my father and swallowed. He was staring at me with a wary expression on his face. I cast my eyes back down, squeezing them shut, shutting out everything but Sam.
Don’t worry about me. I can handle this.
I love you, Sam. I swear I’ll get you out.
I’ll find a way out, Heven. Don’t come back here.
I wasn’t sure what to say because I didn’t want to argue and I would be going back to get him. He must have felt my resolve and desire to not fight because a faint laugh echoed through my mind. I love you, Heven. Always.
My eyes snapped back up to my father. I felt torn with guilt. Here, standing before me, was my father, the man whom I wished for every single day since he died and I had a chance that no one else ever got, and I was so wrecked from Sam’s imprisonment that I couldn’t fully enjoy this.
I rushed forward, throwing my arms around his waist and burying my face against his chest. I couldn’t stop the hot tears that fell from my eyes or the burning in my chest from holding back my sobs.
“That’s my girl,” he crooned. “It’s all right now.”
“It’s not!” I cried, lifting my face up. “Sam is trapped in Hell, in Beelzebub’s dungeon. Kimber got caught up with Hecate and is trapped there too, and I’m pretty sure that her soul isn’t inside her body anymore. Well, maybe it is…” My voice trailed away, unsure. If Kimber’s soul was truly gone, she wouldn’t have helped us escape. It was all so confusing.
He murmured some comforting words and rocked me back and forth. Soon my crying quieted and I was left listening to the soft humming of a song that he had sung to me when I was a little girl. I let the melody soothe the roughest parts inside of me before gently pulling away. “You didn’t tell me about Cole.” I didn’t want to be angry, but I was.
My father nodded. “I wanted to. I loved Cole’s mother very much and we dated for a while, but then your mother came into my life. Things got complicated. Two women, two babies... I wanted you both, but could only have one woman. Your mother seemed to need me.”
“But what about Cole?” I said, cutting him off.
“I tried to see him, honey. Cole’s mother was understandably hurt that I chose someone else and she didn’t want me in his life. After all the pain I caused her, it was all I could do to honor her wishes. It was better that way.”
“Not for Cole.”
“Yes, for Cole. As I said, it was complicated.”
I allowed his words to sink in, knowing that he only tried to do what was best. I didn’t want to spend what little moments I had with him arguing over something that I couldn’t change.
“I always thought that I would have the time when he was older to explain things…” His words trailed off and I hugged him again.
“It’s all right, Daddy. I understand.”
“How is he?”
I grinned. “He’s great. So much like you.”
Dad nodded. “A Supernal Being,” he said, almost to himself.
“Did you always know what you are?”
He smoothed the hair away from my face and looked about to respond when his head tilted, like he heard something I didn’t.
He frowned a bit, his brown eyes melting a little. “I have to go.”
“No!” I hugged him fiercely as if to keep him at my side.
“I’ll be watching over you, always.”
“Please stay,” I begged.
“Be strong and be careful.” He pressed his lips to my forehead before gently pulling away.
“Wait!” I cried. He looked back at me with love. “I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you too, angel.”
Fresh tears slid down my cheeks as I watched him walk away. As he began fading away he smiled. “Tell your brother that I’m sorry and that I love him.”
I nodded. “I will.”
Just before he vanished completely, I saw him smile. “And Heven?”
“Yes?”
“I’m proud of you.”
* * *
The night sky looked like rich navy velvet, pulling me toward the window and promising to cocoon me in peace. I ignored the pull of the silver studded stars and pushed the window closed, my fingers grazing over something that wasn’t necessary until now.
The lock.
My fingers stung and my eyes burned as I shoved the lock home. It’s temporary. I promised myself as I pulled shut the shades and curtains. I walked stiffly away from the window, my muscles protesting with every movement I made. Training today with Gemma had been exhausting. I hurt in places that I didn’t even know I had, and I felt beaten down with the knowledge of how weak I really was.