“You should apologize.”
She looked up, surprised.
“Maybe if you explained, he would understand.”
“I don’t think so.”
I wasn’t sure he would either so I let it go. “What about Cole?”
“He’s different than anyone I’ve ever known.”
“You’re hurting him.”
She bowed her head again and I made my move. I reached out and laid a hand on her shoulder, a gesture in comfort and friendship. I guess now it was also a gesture in deceit.
I felt myself slipping into her mind and I wondered what I was going to see.
“Has he told you that he loves you yet?” I asked.
“Once,” Gemma answered. “It didn’t go that well.”
Just like that, I was in. It was time to find out the truth once and for all. Did Gemma really love my brother? If she didn’t, would I have enough guts to actually tell him and break his heart?
Chapter Twenty-One
Sam
I wrapped my knuckles against the door and heard a muffled “Come in,” and I smiled as I let myself into the room my brother had been living in for the past ten days. I glanced around as I entered and was surprised to see the room looked like it belonged to him.
There was a navy blue comforter on the bed with pillows in red and gold. The curtains were striped with the same colors and there were posters on the walls of his favorite comic book heroes. There was a TV on top the dresser across from the bed, a stack of comic books on the nightstand and empty candy wrappers sticking out of the half-closed drawer. He had a plastic clothes hamper in the corner and it was filled with jeans and shirts. If I closed my eyes, I could picture Gran bustling around in here to collect the laundry and looking for loose socks.
Heven and her Grandmother had really taken care of him while I was gone and I actually had to pause to swallow past the lump in my throat that I suddenly felt. Words couldn’t express how grateful I was that he had been taken care of, that these two women had taken him into their home—a boy who was sick and essentially homeless. They cared for him—for everyone around them—in a way that left me awed and breathless.
“Hey, bud.” Logan was sitting in the center of his sloppily made bed, staring at the TV, but I don’t think he would be able to tell me a thing about what he was watching. One of his socks was loose on his foot and he had a hole in the toe of the other. I grinned and sat down on the edge of the bed. “All that talk about demons and stuff brought up some memories, huh?”
He nodded and glanced at me. “I didn’t mean to act like a baby.”
“No one thinks you’re a baby. We all think you’re awesome for everything you went through.”
Logan sat there a minute, then said, “I did some bad things. Things I wish I could make up for.”
“So have I.”
He glanced at me. “Like what?”
Up until this point I tried to shelter him from everything I had gone through, everything in my past that I thought would color the way he looked at me. I thought I had to be strong. I had to show that I could handle anything and be the perfect brother. But that isn’t what Logan needed.
He needed me to be there. To show him that everyone makes mistakes, everyone has hardship, but it’s how you deal with it that makes you who you are.
“Well, for starters, I used to be friends with the hellhound that disfigured Heven.”
Logan narrowed his eyes. “China?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I used to be roommates with her and she would kill people, lots of them, and then I would help her cover up her crimes.”
I had his full attention now.
“I thought I was supposed to be that way because I’m a hellhound. I thought I was supposed to be bad. But I never liked the way I felt when I was around China. It always felt wrong to cover up her crimes.
“So what happened?”
“I killed her.”
His eyes widened. “You killed China?”
I nodded. “She kept trying to kill Heven. She had killed Heven and Airis—the angel?” I asked and he nodded—“brought her back to life. Then China tried to kill Heven again and I killed her.”
“She deserved it.”
“Maybe. But it wasn’t really for me to decide and I didn’t feel good after I did it. I have to live with the fact that I killed her every day, forever.”
“I have to live with what I did to Heven’s mom and all the other things I did when that Demon was inside me.”
I nodded. “You’re right. You do have to live with those things. But you can tell yourself you didn’t really want those things to happen. You aren’t defined by them. Learn from them and try and make the rest of your life better—something you can be proud of.”
“I don’t deserve how good they’ve been to me,” he said quietly, looking away.
“There are a lot of things I don’t know, like why you keep wearing those fugly socks with holes in them.” I made a face and he laughed. “But I do know that you deserve everything good they ever gave you. They love you, Logan. That much I can see. Gran loves having you here. She told me herself just the other morning at breakfast.”
“Really?”
I nodded then made a mock concerned face. “Although, I think they feed you too much candy.”
He smiled. “I like it here. It’s like it was before you changed, before Mom and Dad started fighting all the time.”
“You know none of that was your fault, right? If you want to go home, I’ll take you. I’ll explain everything and they’ll let you stay.”
“You would go back there?”
“Not to live, but yes, to visit. And if you stayed, I’d come see you on the weekends. I’ll always be a part of your life, Logan. I promise.”
“What if I want to stay here, with you?”
I smiled. “I think Gran would fight me for you. She was hinting around about you living here this school year with her and Hev.”
His eyes widened. “Can I?”
“If that’s what you want.”
“It is. My home is with you now… and with Heven.”
“She’s not so bad after all?”
“She’s cool. She worked really hard when you were gone. Demons were attacking her, she got sick from one’s blood and she’s been dealing with Riley.” He rolled his eyes.
I forced a laugh. Hearing everything Heven had gone through made me sick.