To his credit, he didn’t try to talk his way out of that one. He didn’t try to deny what he did was dangerous and if he had to make out with some girl, he would. If he’d tried to deny it, I would have lost some respect for him because he would have been lying.
“I get it,” he said eventually, not making another move toward me. I ached for him. I ached for that minimal distance between us to be gone. I ached for those moments spent up in my bedroom when I was in his arms. He turned and grabbed the door handle. But he didn’t pull it open.
His voice was quiet, but it carried all the way to my ears.
“I wouldn’t wait for me either. But, I just… I want you to know something.”
“What?” my voice was hoarse.
“This isn’t me choosing my job over you. I don’t have a choice. Not really. I have to do this. I’m already in too deep.”
Silence fell like a thick blanket over the room. Yet neither of us moved.
His words pierced my chest. My heart returned to that slow rhythm of thumping he inspired.
“If I had it to do all over again…” he said, still keeping his back to me. “That night after our first date, I wouldn’t take the assignment. I would have told them no. I would have chosen you.”
All the air in my lungs whooshed out of me.
“Lock this door,” he said, slipping outside into the deep cover of night.
I stared at the spot he just vacated, hearing his words for the second time that night. I would have chosen you. A soft knock on the other side of the door brought me back to reality and I rushed forward and threw the locks.
Only then did I hear his footsteps retreat down the stairs.
I leaned against the door and brought my fingers up to my lips. Telling him I wasn’t going to wait for him had been nothing but my stupid, stubborn pride. What Blue didn’t seem to realize was that I didn’t have a choice, either. Not really. Like him, I was already in too deep.
12
Blue
I pulled up to my new “home” and let out a sigh. The place was a dump. Not that I was expecting anything more, but I had been hoping.
The house was the size of a small shoebox. A brick square with a dilapidated roof. It boasted one door and exactly two small windows at the front. There was no driveway, so I parked at the curb and walked through the definitely not mowed grass. A set of partially crumbling concrete steps led to the faded and chipping black door. I used my key to unlock the joke of a lock and walked inside.
It smelled stale in here, like the air hadn’t moved since nineteen fifty. I felt around for the light on the wall and flicked it when my hand ran over the switch. Dim lighting flooded the room from the single bulb that looked like someone literally just shoved a glass bulb into the ceiling.
There was a saggy, green plaid couch in the center of the room. A brown wooden coffee table, littered with empty beer bottles, and a leather armchair with a hole in the back set off to the side.
The only nice thing in the room was the TV. Druggies loved their technology. And they also loved video games. A fifty-inch flat screen sat on the black entertainment center directly across from the couch, and beside it sat an Xbox.
Maybe the place wouldn’t be so bad after all.
I walked through the door to my right and into a tiny kitchen. The cabinets were pea green, the countertops were laminate made to look like wood, and the fruit-themed wallpaper was peeling off the walls. The fridge was white and appeared to be new. I pulled it open and was hit with the new fridge smell. The inside was clean and cool, with all the appropriate bachelor food: ham, turkey, cheese, mayo, and beer.
I looked around a bit more and found a cabinet filled with a few other staples, like coffee and chips. After my tour of the kitchen, I walked back through the living room and into the bedroom. There was a queen-sized bed with clean white sheets and an old-fashioned quilt covering the top.
The sink in the bathroom was pink. It made me think of Julie and her razor. I hadn’t wanted to leave her tonight. When I looked around this place and realized what I gave up to come here, I thought about punching myself in the head.
I heard the front door open and close swiftly and my body went on alert. I creeped out of the bathroom and peered into the living room, my gaze colliding with Slater.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“Thought I’d stop by and welcome you to the neighborhood,” he said.
“You live around here?”
“A couple blocks over.”
“Your house as nice as mine?”
He snorted. “Your bathroom sink pink?”
I grinned. “I swear it’s like an old lady decorated this place in like the thirties.”
Slater grunted and made himself comfortable in my leather chair. That left me with the plaid green monster.
“What the hell happened tonight?” I said, making myself uncomfortable on the couch.
“Besides you beating the crap out of the crew’s leader?”
“He deserved it,” I said, hard.
Slater inclined his chin. “I won’t argue. That was a ballsy move, taking him on like that. Could’ve backfired.”
I knew too well how bad things could have gone earlier. If I had been thinking, I would never have done that. But I wasn’t thinking. The minute he started putting his paws all over Julie, my brain left the building.
Lucky for me my little lapse in judgment got me some respect.
“Who is she to you?” Slater asked.
I stared at him stoically. I wasn’t bringing Julie into this any more than I already had.
After a few very long silent minutes, Slater chuckled. “Okay, I get it.”
“You gonna tell me why you’re really working this case?” I said, turning the tables on him.
“What makes you think I’m not here for the same reasons you are?”
“Something tells me you already have more than enough evidence to bring down Dom and some of the crew,” I said slowly. “What gives?”
“We both know if we bust them on possession, or even selling, they’ll do a couple years, then get out and take up their place right back on the street like they never left.”
Unfortunately he was right. “So are you saying you’re going to get him on something else?”
“Something that will put him away for a long time. Once he’s gone, we can clean house with the drugs.”
Had I underestimated Dom earlier tonight? He seemed like such a pansy ass to me. He didn’t come off as someone I should be afraid of.
“You going to fill me in?” I asked impatiently.