But whether they were tears of embarrassment or guilt, she made herself look directly at Ethan, and the tightness in my chest eased a little bit.
For a long, quiet moment, they looked at each other. Magic rose and circled in the room, spilled by him and intentionally cast off, or so I thought, by her. I couldn't see the magic itself, but I could feel it. It swirled around us like the current of water in a stream. Their magic interacted, spun and danced and battled for superiority. Not because they were fighting each other now, but because they'd been so intimately connected. Because Mallory had been in Ethan's head, and he'd been a conduit for her emotions, her fears, her anger.
All the while, they watched each other. They looked oblivious to the magic, but it would have been impossible to ignore. Even Catcher eyed them as he sipped slowly at his cherry red drink, goose bumps plainly visible on his arms. Being a sorcerer, he was even more sensitive to the magic than I was. It must have been odd to stand in the midst of a vampire-sorceress battle of wills.
"Stop," Ethan finally said, and the magic swept across the room like a sudden peppery breeze, ruffling our hair and leaving a metallic tinge in the air.
"Magic doesn't lie," Mallory said. Had she been able to prove her motivations to him by using her magic?
"No," Ethan said, adjusting in his chair. "But people do, vampires or otherwise. How can I know you won't use this House for your own ends? That even if you earnestly believe you'd never go back to black magic, you won't succumb?"
"I don't believe that," Mallory said. "I'm an addict. I know that, and I live with it - and the consequences of what I did - every day. I can't promise I won't succumb, but I really, really don't want to. I hurt too many people that I loved, destroyed their trust, destroyed what little reputation I had. I don't want to go back to that place, but I can only try my best, one night at a time." She shrugged. "If you can't accept that, I understand. I don't deserve your trust."
She looked around at us. "I don't deserve the trust of anyone in this room. It's a miracle I didn't kill someone when I was high, and I realize that. I realize how close I came to really and truly destroying everything. All I can do is offer to make amends in the best way I know how. To use the gift I've been given for something more than parlor tricks and Order foolery. But the decision's yours."
Ethan's jaw was tight, his brow furrowed. He was concentrating hard about his options, and I honestly had no idea what he was going to do. I didn't envy him - not the burden of the choice. But at least he had a chance to consider it directly with her, to confront her about his fears.
And now, more than ever, it would pay to have a sorceress on our side. The fairies had defected, and the GP's recent intrusion proved again our vulnerability.
"I'll consider it," he said, "if Gabriel permits it."
Based on my conversation with Gabriel a few nights ago, he would permit it. He'd said Mallory would be ready to use her magic when she wasn't afraid of it. And although she was clearly intimidated a little by Ethan, she wasn't afraid of her magic right now. Not here, and not like this. Not when the lines between right and wrong were clearly delineated, and she'd be using her magic - like in the riot - against an enemy of the House. It would be a good first step for her, but only a first step. The next time, the lines might not be so clear.
"Thank you," Mallory said. "Thank you. I really, really appreciate it."
"Don't thank me," Ethan said. "Thank those who have been advocating for you. Those who know your heart, or hope they do, and those who know your power, and hope it can be used in support of the Houses. I hope, whatever happens, that you do not let them down."
Mallory nodded, swallowing down emotion.
"While we're here," Catcher said, "I also wanted to talk to you about your father. He's being a pain in the ass."
That, of course, was not much of a mystery, although it was a bit of a downer.
"He's pressuring Chuck to help convince you to let him invest in Cadogan House."
Ethan slid me a knowing glance. "We've heard about the offer."
"He must not have thought you'd go for it; he's called Chuck twice tonight. Barely talked to him over the holidays, didn't so much as wish him a Happy New Year, but is adamant it's Chuck's obligation to position Cadogan House to accept Joshua's largesse."
The disgust in Catcher's voice wasn't subtle, nor was he the only one who felt it. "His obligation?" I asked.
Catcher glanced at me. "Your father thinks you're in danger. He thinks this is helping."
"In danger from what?" Ethan asked.
"He didn't say," Catcher said. "Your grandfather, being your grandfather and a former cop, pushed him for details, trying to figure out if there was a specific threat. He didn't come up with anything. Chuck thinks the riots have gotten him nervous."
If you wanted to give my father the benefit of the doubt, that explanation was completely plausible.
I wasn't sure I was willing to give my father the benefit of the doubt. His motives were sometimes noble, but his means rarely justified the ends.
"What has Chuck told him?" Ethan asked.
"That he loves Merit, too, but that she can take care of herself, and she wouldn't want him to sacrifice the entire city for her safety."
I smiled, finally. That was exactly the kind of thing my grandfather would say.
"I don't think Joshua believed him," Catcher said.
Ethan nodded and looked at Mallory. "You're quiet," he said.
She nodded. "I don't really feel like I have much political capital to offer my opinion on stuff like this."
Ethan was obviously taken aback by the statement. Maybe he hadn't expected her to be so honest, or so self-aware of the damage she'd done to her relationships with others.
"That's very . . ."
"Accurate?" she finished. "Self-aware? Yeah, I know." She crossed one leg over the other, her booted foot swinging. "If you were to ask me, and I'm not saying you are, I'd tell Joshua Merit to take a long walk off a short pier. He can play buddy-buddy with Merit all he wants to, but he's a self-centered prick and we all know it."
Now that sounded like the Mallory I knew. I couldn't help but smile, even in spite of the unfortunate accuracy of her statement.
"I don't disagree," Catcher said. "But he's not taking the hint that he needs to leave Chuck alone."
"My grandfather would kick your ass if he knew you were over here trying to get help from us."