But I wasn't impressed. "They're jeans. They're made of the same butt-lifting denim as the rest of the jeans in the world."
"If they were Pumas, you wouldn't be complaining about the price."
She had a point. "Continue," I magnanimously offered.
"The point is, I didn't used to worry about this stuff. I cared, but I didn't worry about it. I didn't worry about what this boy would think of me because I didn't care what this boy thought of me, you know? And now . . ." She shook her head as if disgusted with herself.
"Now you think about other people instead of yourself?"
The narrowing of her eyes was the last thing I saw before the pil ow smacked me in the face.
"Ow," I instinctively said, putting a hand on my cheek.
"Even if I did deserve that, ow."
"You take my point?"
"I take your point. But maybe it's not a bad thing. I mean, it's not so much that you're becoming uber-neurotic or anything. You like Luc, and you want him to like you back.
You want to be validated."
"I guess."
"So focus on the Luc part, instead of the Lindsey part. I mean, he's probably doing the same thing. Wondering if his boots are shined up enough or whatever cowboy-vampire types worry about."
"Chaps. As we have discussed, they frequently worry about chaps."
I pressed my fingers over my eyes. "You know, I moved out of Mal ory's house just so I could avoid conversations like this."
"No, you moved out of Mal ory's house so you could avoid seeing Catcher in boxer briefs. Which, frankly, is crazy. That boy is hel a delicious."
"I saw him naked more than I saw him in boxer briefs.
And pretty or not, sometimes I just want to sit down with my leftover Chinese without his naked ass strol ing through my kitchen."
Lindsey chortled and sat down again. "So real y it's a hygiene issue."
"Itsiznt> real y is."
We were quiet for a moment.
"Is he worth it?" I final y asked.
"What do you mean?"
I remembered the night I'd gone to Ethan, final y sure he was wil ing to accept me for who I was and that I could do the same for him. There'd been no doubt then, no fear. Just acceptance of the risk that I was taking and the confidence that he was worth it.
That we would have been worth it.
It had taken time for me to get there, and for Ethan to be ready for a relationship. Maybe if we'd gotten there earlier we'd have had more time together - but there was no point in ruing that now. He was gone except in my dreams, and those were becoming too traumatic to want to relive.
"I think," I final y said, "you reach a point where you're wil ing to take that chance. Where you know you might stil get hurt in the long run, but you decide it's worth it."
"And if I never get there?"
"Then you're honest with him. But don't let fear make the decision. Make the decision based on who he is and who you are when you're with him. On who he helps you to be."
She nodded, a tear slipping from her eye. I had the sudden sense the decision would come easier - and faster
- than she might have imagined.
"You'l be fine," I pronounced, then gave her a sideways hug. "He loves you, and you love him, and someday, if we're lucky, things wil get back to normal around here."
She crossed one leg over another. "What would that be like, even?"
"You tel me. I assume it's what life was like before Celina outed the Houses."
"Ah, yes. The halcyon days of . . . God, those days were pretty dul , now that I think of it."
"Damned if you do, damned if you don't."
"Grass is greener," she agreed, then slid me a glance.
"Now that we've worked through my relationship issues, are you ready to talk about Jonah?"
What I wanted to do was nip that conversation in the bud.
"There's nothing to talk about."
"Look," she said, her tone softening. "I'm not saying now is the time for you to find an eternity partner. But maybe it's time for you to consider considering someone. A friend. A lover. A friend with benefits." She bumped my shoulder playful y. "Jonah is like - I mean, Jesus, Merit. He's crazy beautiful, smart, he's got the trust of his entire House, and he appreciates you."
"He's not Ethan."
"That's not fair. There was no Ethan before him, and there wil be no Ethan after him. But Ethan's gone. I'm not saying you forget he existed. I'm just saying eternity is a long time. And maybe you could consider the possibility that there are other people who could become a part of your life if you let them."
We sat there quietly for a moment.
"He kissed me."
Lindsey offered up a dolphin-worthy squeal. "I knew he would. How was it?"
"The kiss? Great. My regret after the fact? Less enjoyable."
"Eek," she said. "What did you do?""font>
"I kind of bailed on him?" I thought putting it into the form of a question would make it sound a little less bad. Maybe not surprisingly, it didn't.
"Bad form, Sentinel. Bad form. You stil on speaking terms?"
"Possibly not, but that'l change. It has to, since he's the only partner I've got at the moment."
"True dat. Times are tough, guards and partners are in short supply, and humans are whiny little babies. I mean, we've been here as long as they have. You wanna bet the murder rate among humans is a lot higher than it is among vampires? We are not the ones causing this city's issues."
She stood up and moved her hands down in front of her body, blowing out a breath as she did it. "I'm calm. I'm calm.
I'm also real y hungry. You ready for breakfast?"
I shook my head. "I don't have time. I'm visiting the mayor."
She whistled low. "Again? Are you that hard up for a date?"
"Har har. I think he might have information about what's going on." I fil ed her in on my lemon and sugar theory.
Unlike Catcher, she thought there was merit to the idea. But that didn't deter her from her goal.
"Mayor or not, even vampires have to eat." She tapped a finger against her head. "Empathic, remember? I can feel how hungry you are. And if you're going to figure out what the hel is going on here, you need to be ready for it. You can't put off food just because you're tired. It wil only make you tireder."
I didn't disagree that she had a point, but I wanted this matter done sooner rather than later. On the other hand, I did have a tendency to run myself until I was quite literal y sick of it, until I was in bed for a week with a virus that knocked me completely on my ass. A week of no sleep, slamming down junk food, and stress tended to do that to a girl.