I tried to obey the warning look Ethan shot me from across the table, but I was done playing GP doormat and blame magnet.
I stood up and pushed back my shoulders.
"Will my file be annotated to reflect the fact that I followed the leads to Celina, and that she admitted spreading V around the city? Will it reflect the fact that she helped arrange the raves so she could institute her new world order - which it sounds like she plans to institute without the GP? Will it reflect the fact that today we closed her down and saved the city and the GP a lot of trouble down the road?"
Darius was motionless. "Celina is a member of the GP and must be afforded the respect due to a member of the GP."
"Celina put dangerous drugs into the hands of vampires, drugs that could only lead to their destruction and incarceration. She is a murderer and an aider and abettor of murder. GP member or not, she needed to be stopped. I was a Chicagoan before I was a vampire, and when I have an opportunity to help this city - to do right by this city - I'm going to. GP be damned."
Silence.
"Your file will be annotated, your demerits noted. And while I find your bravado intriguing" - he slid his gaze to Ethan - "I strongly recommend you learn to control your House and your vampires."
When I looked back at Ethan, his expression was stony, his gaze on Darius.
"With all due respect, Sire," he bit out, "I do not control my vampires. I lead them. Merit has acted with my permission and in the manner befitting a Cadogan vampire and a Sentinel of this House. She has acted honorably to defend Cadogan, its Master, and its vampires. She has acted to protect this city from the criminals the GP has seen fit to let roam free. If you have a problem with her actions, then it's my file, not hers, that should be annotated. I trust her, fully and completely. Any action of hers bears on my leadership, not her abilities as a Sentinel nor her loyalty to the Presidium."
He looked at me with eyes that were radiantly green, this man who'd just stood up for me, defied his own master for me, trusted in me.
I was floored. Speechless. Moved to tears, and suddenly very, very nervous, both at the sentiment and its political cost.
But regardless of the surprise of Ethan's words, their generosity, his defense of my actions, Darius wasn't buying. He maintained the party line, and the House would suffer for it.
"Appointment of a receiver is clearly an inevitability," he said. "There is no way to avoid GP oversight of Cadogan House at this juncture.
I expect you will give the receiver the same access and respect that you would give me. Is that understood?"
Ethan bit out words. "Yes, Sire."
"In that case, Charlie has a car waiting and I need to get to the airport." He pushed back his chair and rose, then started for the door. "I can see myself out."
The room was silent as he crossed it, but a few feet from the door, he stopped and looked back.
"One way or the other, with your approval or without it, the receiver will put this House in order. I suggest you get used to that idea."
And then he turned and walked out the door, closing it firmly behind him.
Ethan put his elbows on his knees and ran his hands through his hair. "We did what we had to do. The GP will act as it deems appropriate."
"They're acting like na?ve children." We both looked at Malik. His expression was fierce. "I understand your according them due respect, Ethan, but this is completely irrational. They should be thanking Merit for what she's done.
Darius should be thanking the House for taking a threat off the streets. And instead, they're sending in a receiver? They're punishing this House for Celina's acts?"
"Not for her acts," Ethan said. "For the publication of those acts. It's less the action than the embarrassment he apparently believes we've caused the GP." He blew out a breath. "If only you'd staked her when you had the chance."
I had staked her, I thought to myself. I just hadn't hit her heart.
"This isn't the end of it," I warned. "Celina confessed too easily, and Paulie is still on the streets. I'm sure she's given him up to the cops at this point - she does usually love a scapegoat - but either way, it's not over."
"It's over enough," Ethan said. "We've done all we can do for this city on this particular issue.
Tate has been satisfied, and that was the point."
I nearly argued with him, but I could see the exhaustion and disappointment in his eyes, and I didn't want to add to his burden.
"Take the rest of the evening off," he said, rising from the conference table without making eye contact. "Sleep this off, and we'll regroup tomorrow and create a plan to get through the receivership."
We nodded obediently, watching as he moved across the room and through the office door.
I'd done nothing more and nothing less than my job had required. But why did I feel so miserable?
I tried to find space. I joined Lindsey in her room for a round of mindless television. That helped fill the evening, but it didn't calm the nerves in my stomach, or the flutter in my chest.
Two hours later, silently, I stood up, picked through the crowd of vampires who filled the floor, and went for the door.
"Going somewhere?" she asked, head tilted curiously.
"I'm going to find a boy," I said.
I was nervous as I made the trip to his room, afraid that if I stepped inside - both of us emotionally drained - he'd be able to slip past defenses I should keep intact. And worse - that we'd never be the same for it. That the House would never be the same for it.
I stood outside his door for a full five minutes, clenching and unclenching my hands, trying to build up the nerve to knock.
Finally, when I couldn't stand the anticipation any longer, I blew out a breath, pulled my fingers into a fist, and wrapped my knuckles against the door. The sound echoed through the hallway, oddly loud in the silence.
Ethan opened the door, his expression haggard. "I was just about to head to bed. Did you need something?"
It took me seconds to speak, to find courage to ask the question. "Can I stay with you?"
He was stunned by it, clearly. "Can you stay with me?"
"Tonight. Not anything physical. Just - "
Ethan slid his hands into his pockets. "Just?"
I looked up at him, and let the fear, frustration, and exhaustion show in my eyes. I was too tired to argue, too tired to care what the request might mean tomorrow. Too tired to fight back against the GP and him.
I needed companionship, affection. I needed to trust and be trusted in return.