Kylie did understand the difference. Problem was, it was easier to let it happen than to plan it. Planning it meant talking about it. And that would be embarrassing.
She inhaled sharply with a sudden realization. If she couldn't talk about it, she shouldn't do it-because unless she wanted to go through what Sara did with her pregnancy scare, it was essential that they talk about it.
"What is it?" Lucas asked.
She opened her mouth to answer-to talk about it-but closed her lips just as quickly. They could talk about it later. Later, but, for certain, before anything happened.
"Nothing." Her voice sounded like a frog ready to croak.
He studied her face. "You're almost glowing again."
"Crap!" She held out her arms and studied them in a panic.
He chuckled. "No, you're just blushing. Where did you slip off to in your head?" He tapped a finger to her temple and with her fae gifts, she felt the passion ooze from him.
"Nowhere," she lied. "Let's just ... talk." But not about sex. Because obviously, she wasn't ready to have that conversation.
He studied her as if he didn't believe her, then reached for her hand and laced his fingers into hers. His palm felt warm, but not nearly as warm as it had when she'd been a vampire.
"Okay. Let's talk." They sat down on the soft ground, under the alcove of the tree. "Why don't you tell me how you got out of being shadowed? It doesn't sound like Burnett just to ease up on something like that."
"He didn't want to. But I..." She recalled the strange feeling she'd gotten when she'd stood up to Burnett and Holiday. As if the power of persuasion was ... a real power. Then again, maybe it was. "I persuaded him."
"How? He's not easy to persuade."
"I ... sort of threatened I might leave."
"Leave?" Concern filled his blue eyes. "You were just bullshitting him, right?"
Mostly, but I'm beginning to worry. She almost told him that, but decided she didn't want to get into that particular conversation with Lucas, not when they had so little time together, so she just nodded. "I agreed not to go into the woods, and to tell them before I went to see my grandfather again."
"What?" His super-charged werewolf protectiveness spilled out of him. "Burnett's going to let you go see your grandfather again? Alone?"
She nodded. "As long as it doesn't appear too dangerous."
"How are you going to know if it's dangerous?" He shook his head, his dark hair scattered across his brow. "Don't go until I come back." He cupped her chin in his hand. "Promise me."
"Come back from where?" she asked.
His frown tightened. "My dad again. This time I'm going to have to spend some time there. A week or more."
She tried to wrap her head around what he said. "But school starts tomorrow."
"Yeah." Sarcasm flowed from him. "But my dad doesn't see getting an education as being important."
"Can't you just tell him no? That you'll come to see him during parent weekend?"
"I wish," he said.
"But why for so long?" Suddenly she couldn't help but wonder if Fredericka planned on going with him.
He touched her cheek. "He's being insistent, Kylie. He gets something in his head and he won't let it go. I'm sorry."
The sincerity in his apology filled her chest. Sincerity and ... guilt. For what?
He brushed her hair behind her ear. "You know I have to do this to get on the Council. I wouldn't do any of this if it wasn't for that. And ... when it's over, it's over."
"What's over? What does he want you to do?"
"He just ... He's crazy and I have to go along with him for now. Please ... just understand for a little longer. In less than a month, the Council will make their choice. A month is all I need and then I don't have to go along with his plans."
"What plans?" She felt a touch of resentment swell inside her. "I hate your secrets."
"I know," he said. "I hate them, too. But you have to trust me on this."
For some crazy reason, when he said trust, she sensed he meant something ... more. More as in ... "Is Fredericka going?"
"No," he said. "Just me."
"Not even Clara?" she asked, still confused about the emotions she read in him.
"No. She might come for a while but not stay." He pulled her against him and they just sat there for the longest time not talking. Her heart hurt for him because she sensed how much he really didn't want to go, didn't want to do whatever it was his father had planned. But he was going and was probably doing it-whatever it was. And he felt guilty about doing it, too. Why?
"Will you call me?" she finally asked.
"I'll try, but if he's monitoring my calls, I can't be caught..."
"Talking to me," she finished for him.
He exhaled and she knew it was the truth before he answered. "I don't like it."
Neither did she. Not even a little bit.
A second passed and then he said, "You didn't promise me that you won't go see your grandfather until I get back."
"I can't promise," she said, aggravated that he wanted promises and answers from her, but still held so much back. "I'll do what I have to do." And he'd just have accept it, as she was trying to accept what he'd told her, or rather what he hadn't told her.
* * *
Monday morning, the first-day-of-school jitters at Shadow Falls didn't feel any different from all Kylie's first-day jitters. She was both excited and anxious about being forced into a room full of people who seemed to know some secret to life, a secret she didn't have.
In spite of knowing what she was, and being surrounded by other supernaturals, she still felt like the outsider-the floater, floating to one group and then another, and not really belonging anywhere.
No doubt she'd follow Della and Miranda and socialize with whoever they hung out with, and their friends wouldn't reject Kylie, but she wouldn't get that sense of belonging. Just as it had been in her old school. Only difference was that she would have been with Sara, another misfit.
While putting on her makeup, Kylie thought about Sara. They hadn't talked in weeks but Kylie would change that later. While she accepted they had changed and probably didn't have nearly as much in common as they once had, Sara was still ... Sara. And today, Kylie missed her more than ever.
The morning air had a touch of fall to it. Deciding what to wear, and how to wear her hair, had taken way more time than it should have. She hadn't thought she'd even care, since Lucas wasn't here, but the vibe had been contagious as Miranda and Della had worked to get themselves picture perfect.