She'd liked it, too. Too much.
She caught his hand and lowered it from her face.
Swallowing a lump of regret, she forced herself to say it. Part of her had hoped she wouldn't have to spell it out for him. But that was the coward's way out. And Della Tsang wasn't a coward. Plus, Steve deserved to know up front that it wasn't him. It was her.
"Look, I ... I enjoyed this. Everything. I really did, but ... it's over now."
He shook his head. "Why? It doesn't have to be."
"Yeah it does." Her heart suddenly grew heavy. Too heavy for her chest. "I don't ... I'm not ... I'm not ready for this." She waved a hand between them.
That look of apology filled his eyes again. "I told you I didn't mean for that to happen. I'm not going to pressure you to take it there. It'll happen when it's supposed to happen. I'll be patient."
She shook her head. "I don't mean just that."
Concern tightened his brows. "Then what do you mean?"
"I mean us ... period. Us being an item, us being an 'us.' I'm not up for that."
He shook his head. "Why? I thought we got along great."
"Why isn't important. It's just the way it is. I'm not going there. I'm completely happy the way things are, happy with me ... not being a couple." It was such a huge mistruth she could hear her swollen heart doing all sorts of erratic thumps, each one hitting against her sternum and calling her a lying bitch.
"No," he said, "I can't accept that."
"You're going to have to accept it. Because that's just the way it is, Steve. We went on a mission and we did great. We did what we were sent to do and thanks to both of us the world might be a little safer. But what happened between us needs to end. I'm not right for you."
He studied her. "Who are you right for?" he asked, sounding jealous.
"I'm not right for anyone," she said and her heart didn't race or mark that as a lie. She had loved already. Loved and lost. "It's over, Steve. Just accept it."
She started running and right before she leapt over the fence she heard him.
"We'll see about that." His words rang in her ears. A promise or a threat, she didn't know. But the idea of it being a promise chased away the biggest part of the pain she carried in her heart.
As she walked inside her cabin, she breathed in the scents of home-the smell of Miranda's fruity shampoo, and her scented candles. Della could even pick up the scent of Kylie's favorite lotion.
Standing in the living room, Della let herself feel the tiniest bit of pride that she'd completed the mission. The feeling reconfirmed that she wanted to pursue a career in catching bad guys.
Walking into her bedroom, she opened her bottom drawer and pulled out the pictures. Images of her and her family, and others of her and Lee. All captured moments with emotion. Memories that now hurt to think about.
She started to rip them all up, but then on second thought, she dropped the pictures of her family back into the drawer. Some things she couldn't give up on. But others ...
She tore the snapshots of her and Lee into little pieces and let the tiny specks of paper rain down into the garbage. Then she went to her bed and flopped down on her back and stared at the ceiling.
We'll see about that. Steve's words echoed in her head like the lyrics of a song-a good song, one that crawled into your head and replayed itself over and over.
She closed her eyes. Life might have thrown her some punches this last year, but Della Tsang didn't go down easy. She was just going to punch back.