“Baby, you didn’t reply to my text so I thought I’d head over with dessert. That’s okay, right?”
Tanner, the sweet, hot as f**k, sensitive new aged guy who’s been a frequent inhabitant in my bed for the past few months. He caught my eye when I was at the academy working as a field training officer. I’d needed a work out and decided to join in with a bunch of recruits who were working their way through circuit training. When Tanner knelt in front of me and held my feet down while I did sit ups, it was one of those swoon worthy moments where our eyes met, the air crackled between us, and his huge white smile did me in.
Much to Tanner’s chagrin, I could only offer him a physical relationship, not an emotional one. We went out for a drink after work where I explained this to him. After the impromptu date, he was the perfect gentleman and walked me to my door. He then moved toward me, forcing me back until my body was flush against the wood paneling of the doorway and proceeded to kiss the shit out of me. It was soft, almost cautious at first, then the moment I opened my mouth to him, he went in for the kill. Long, languid strokes of his tongue explored my mouth with such enthusiasm and passion I was left a panting mess when he finally pulled away, resting his head against my forehead while he recovered. When I whispered in his ear asking if he wanted to come inside with me, he stood up straight and looked down at me. His eyes widened in surprise before he reached around me and pushed the door open. He gently moved me inside and shut the door behind us. I don’t think we made it to the bedroom that first time, or the second. By the third round, we were at the slow, lazy, sleepy sex stage and the bed was the most comfortable place to be.
That was the first night of many that Tanner and I ended up in bed together. We occasionally work out together, we share a meal once in a while, and we’ve attended work functions as the other’s plus one, but it’s always been a ‘friends with benefits’ situation. I didn’t go after an arrangement like the one we have, but it fits into my life perfectly. I know Tanner wants more, he’s always wanted more, and I don’t miss the looks of adoration he shoots my way when he thinks I’m not looking.
But Tanner, for all his fantastic qualities in and out of the bedroom, is not who my heart truly desires. He makes me hot, but he doesn’t make my blood boil. He has the stamina of a teenager and can provide encore performances over and over again, but he doesn’t have me panting with need, desperate to be touched and begging to be taken.
Only one man has ever had that effect on me. And my reaction to him as well as ideas that were planted in my head that I allowed to take root, is why I ran from him all those years ago. Not that he knows that.
Having already had a memorable visit with Sean earlier in the day, when Tanner moved close to me on the couch and started stroking my bare leg, moving his fingers in tender, wide circles higher and higher, I had to put a stop to it. There was no way I could sleep with Tanner when the only man in my head was a dark haired, blue-eyed dominant who had my body burning with spoken words and unspoken promises.
So here I am, 7.30 p.m. on a Friday night, putting the final touches of my makeup on while Helen acts as the good angel on my shoulder. Sean called me yesterday afternoon saying that he had an eight o’clock reservation for us. When I tried to probe him for more information, he chuckled and called my enthusiasm endearing.
For the record, Sean chuckling … actually, anything resembling laughter from him is as rare as a Sasquatch sighting. It happens, but the occurrences are so few and far between that it’s a beautiful sight to see and hear when he did. It’s not that he was so tightly strung that he couldn’t laugh, or didn’t want to. No, the Sean of my past had an intensity about him, a presence that you felt whenever he was in the room with you. He was like a silent assassin. He would sit back and study people, trying to get a read of them without uttering a single word. And from what I’ve seen of the Sean of today, that intensity has increased tenfold with a carnal edge that is just too much to take … yet so irresistible.
“Earth to Sammmmmm,” Helen calls out teasingly as I’m snapped back into reality.
I shake my head to clear Sean from my head momentarily.
“Sam, seriously hon. Don’t overthink this. Just go with your gut. As you said, even though I don’t believe you, this is just two friends having dinner and catching up on what they’ve missed. Just be careful, okay? And whatever you do, don’t let what you did in the past stop you from doing anything now. Regret is a pointless emotion unless you learn something from it. In your case, you—”
“I learned not to listen to everything I’m told and to make up my own goddamned mind instead of listening to others,” I finish for her.
She stands up from my bed where she has been lying down and walks over to the dresser where I’m getting ready. Standing behind me, she puts her hand on my forearm and looks at me in the mirror. Her gaze softens, her eyes full of understanding. “You know …”
“Yep,” I reply. “Figured that one out after the damage had been done. But by then, I’d already seen him at the dorm party with Jennifer Murray and the rest, they say, is history. You’d remember that night. You were the one I came crying to.” I smile half-heartedly at her and she gives me a gentle squeeze of encouragement just as my front doorbell rings.
“Well, there is no Jennifer hanging around now, is there?” She wiggles her eyebrows and we both crack up laughing.
Chapter 9: “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word”
Sean
All day I’ve been willing time to speed up. When I last saw Sammy she was standing in the middle of my living room looking stunned, speechless, and turned on. When I rang her yesterday to confirm dinner for tonight, she sounded surprised that I’d called so soon. Strangely enough, she never asked how I got her number. I guess she assumed I got it off Ryan.
Speaking of my errant baby brother, he’s stuck to himself the past two days. We’ve arranged for him to return to work next Tuesday, and this weekend I’ll be sitting down with my PI to put some measures in place to protect myself in case things start to turn south. I’ve already asked him to look into Ryan’s affairs and try to find out exactly what and who we’re dealing with and I’m hoping he’ll have some answers for me when we meet.
Until then, I have the company of the delectable Miss Richards to look forward to. I’m not nervous about dinner. In fact, I’m looking forward to finding out all that has happened in her life since we broke up.