Mac
“Superman, I’m—” Hiccup. “I’m in a limo with—” Hiccup. “Kate and Sophie and Melinda and Sam and Zoe are all here too. I’m having SO much fun.”
My voice is whiny and high pitched and I’m so freaking drunk I can’t tell which way is up, or down for that matter. Or maybe I’m sideways. Meh, who cares. Drunk is good. Drunk is freaking awesome!
I hear him chuckle down the phone, that same low baritone laugh that gives me tingles on my tingles. Sheesh, is it hot in here?
“We’re driving by the lake, heading toward Michigan Avenue. The girls wanted to go to Throb, but I said no—” Hiccup. “’Cause no men allowed tonight and that’s Sean’s place and I’m not going there ’cause I’d think about dirty dancing with you and then I’d get horny.” I turn my head against the seat and cup my hand around the phone, whispering loudly, “Hornier than ever, Superman. God, I love you. Do you know that? You know that, right?”
I’m slurring now, but the smile on my drunken ass face is so big and bright, I’m surprised the car is still dark. I giggle to myself, the image of Soldier Field being lit up by my cheesy grin. Think of the reduced electric bill. I’d be doing the world a favor.
“Gorgeous, you there?” he asks with a laugh.
“Always here for you. Hey, remember last night when I woke you up with my—”
“Makenna Lewis, you kiss my grandchildren with that mouth?” My mother scolds from the seat opposite me. I glance at her, snorting out loud at her attempt to keep a straight face. The corners of her mouth twitch as she struggles to appear stern and serious.
“Yep,” I announce proudly as I try to sit up straight and fail spectacularly, sliding off the smooth, black leather seats and landing with a thump on my ass, meeting the floor with my legs askew and my skirt around my waist, flashing the group my bright red lace thong.
“Shit,” I mutter as the women gasp in shock before roaring with laughter at my drunken misfortune.
“Mac, what did you do?” Daniel calls out desperately into my ear.
“I …” I struggle to talk as I get the giggles and can no longer control myself, legs included it seems. I brush my skirt down and pull myself back up onto the seat. “I’m so drunk I don’t care,” I say to both him and the rest of the vehicle.
“Sounds like you’re having a good time, hon. Enjoy your night, and remember the promise you made. No trouble and lots of messy drunken sex when you roll in the door later.”
My body heats up, my mind full of sexy ideas and finger vault images of Daniel’s naked body. Down girl!
“God!” I moan. “Why did you have to bring that up right now? Turn the car around, I have sexing to do!” I announce loudly.
“Gorgeous, I’ll let you go.” His voice is low now, full of need and unspoken desire. “But remember the dirty thoughts going through your head right now so you can reenact them when you’re here in front of me.”
Ladies, I’ve hit the motherfucking jackpot with this man.
“I love you. Sex you later!” I declare before pulling the phone away from my ear and fumbling with the buttons to end the call.
“Jesus, Mac! How many shots did you have at home?” Kate asks with an intoxicated grin.
“Not enough! Driver! Off to the Pink Monkey place, we go! Half naked men to perv on and more alcamahol to consume.”
A good while later, our night is drawing to a close. It’s been a night of numerous shots, loud and rambunctious toasts from Sophie, Zoe (Zander’s sister), my mom (yes, THAT was as horrifying as you can imagine) and now Kate is on her feet, swaying slightly and holding on to the table for dear life as she prepares to give her own spiel.
“Shh, shh! Let me get this out while I can still stand up,” she announces with a giggle. Looking down, she tilts her head and studies me. I can see her eyes glaze over and I know she’s struggling to hold back the tears.
“A few years ago, I remember you coming home one night and fanning yourself stupid over this ‘smoking hot volcano of fine’ you’d met on the train. He was hot, he had dimples, and for the first time in a long time, you were genuinely swooning over a man.”
She sighs and looks at my mom. “Sorry, Mrs Lewis, block your ears for this. Then I dared you to close up shop for three dates and wait until you sealed the deal. I hoped that this would give Delicious Daniel a chance to win you over and open your heart to more than just sex with the terrific three.”
The group sniggers before the table erupts with laughter. I look over at Samantha, Sean’s fiancée, and breathe a sigh of relief when I see her laughing along with everyone else. Phew! That could have been awkward, although going by what Kate told me of Sean and Sam’s dinner party a few weeks ago, maybe the awkward train had already passed the station. I mean, who wants to learn that your cop partner and your fiancée had been sleeping with the same person, i.e. ME, at the same point in time (but separately … I mean … never a threesome or foursome scenario … I wasn’t that much of a dirty skank back then. Well, maybe, there was this one time when …
NOPE, not me.
ANYWAY …
Kate lifts her glass of wine to her mouth, taking a sip before cradling the glass to her chest. Then the drunken tart (love her dearly) continues. “Well, f**k a duck if you didn’t stay true and hold out for the whole three dates. Even getting through the food sex with the tiramisu and holding out long enough to at least get behind closed doors before getting your freak on.”
There are a few sniggers around the table, but most of them are riveted as Kate retells the history of me and Superman. “Through the good times and the bad, the happy times and the sad, the running away and the coming back, meeting the in-laws and the added bonus of twins, not once have I doubted that Daniel was the one for you. And I know that deep down, you haven’t either. So, raise your glasses to the woman I love more than life itself, who will forever have one penis to play with for the rest of her days, we hope you’ve had a memorable last night of freedom. Now …”
She looks over at Sophie beside me. I follow her gaze and turn to watch as Sophie bends down and pulls a bag from underneath the table. “Us girls decided you needed a bachelorette goodie bag to celebrate with.” I snatch it from Sophie and open it up, snapping it shut just as fast as my face heats up beyond compare. I look up at Kate, who smirks down at me and winks, holding her glass out in front of her. “To Mac and Superman. May he continue to bless her heart and her vagina with love and never-ending orgasms.”