“Maybe.” I had a feeling this was Jake’s way of getting me to talk about Noah’s father. I didn’t want to, but holding it back wouldn’t help anything. “Noah’s never met his dad.”
“Oh…that sucks.”
“It does. Tim died in Afghanistan a few months after Noah was born.” I could still remember hearing the news. I felt like I’d been pulled under by a wave. How was I supposed to raise Noah alone? But then another side of me was relieved, and I felt horrible for feeling that way. Austen was right about me liking to see the best in people, because I never accepted that Tim’s anger issues were more than a short temper until I was already pregnant. I didn’t find out about the gambling until after he died.
“Afghanistan? He was in the military?”
“Yes. But before you start calling him a hero—he wasn’t. Or at least not before. He only joined because it was that or jail.”
“Jail? Geez…”
“Yeah. He had a crazy temper.” I was glad we were having this conversation on the phone because it was easier, but I wished I could see Jake’s face. I needed to know how he was reacting. “He got in some bar fight.”
“Oh?”
“All I know is that it had something to do with him smashing a guy’s head through a table.”
“Ouch.”
“Sorry. I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this…”
“No. It’s good. Or not good, but better than I thought.”
“What did you think?”
“I thought maybe his dad was back home and you were always planning to go back to see him. Like you used me or something.”
“Used you? Because girls use you for sex all the time?” I thought about what Mel had said about his reputation. Maybe it wasn’t so far off.
I expected him to laugh but he didn’t. “Ordinarily I wouldn’t have cared, but I do care. I don’t want to be a guy you had a one night stand with.”
“It can’t be more.”
“Why not? You made it sound like you wanted it to be. That note you left sure hinted at it.”
I heard rustling and wondered if he was in bed. I wanted to be in that bed. “I can’t believe I wrote that. I can’t believe I slept with you.”
“I can. I relive it in my dreams.”
“You aren’t ready to deal with someone like me. You have enough to worry about.”
“So this is about me? This isn’t about you?” He sounded defensive. I couldn’t blame him.
“It’s about Noah. It’s about what’s best for him.”
“And it’s bad for him if you date me?” The way he asked made me think he didn’t really want to hear my answer.
I took a deep breath, steadying myself. “I need to make a stable life for him.”
“So you’re just going to stop dating until he’s eighteen?”
“I don’t know.”
“Does he like to watch football?”
“Football? He’s not even two.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s too young. Does he like junk food and crowds?”
I laughed lightly. “Yes, I guess so.”
“If you’re not working Friday, would you guys want to come to Clayton Falls? It’s the first home game I’m coaching.”
“Come to your game? That’s the date you want?”
“I’ll take you both out for ice cream afterward.” I could picture him smiling as he said it.
“Even if you don’t win?”
He laughed. “We’ll win, but either way you two get ice cream.”
I thought about it. Noah might like the game, and I’d get Mel to come. I missed Friday night football games. My brother played and I was at every game. “I’ll think about it.”
“Good. Enjoy the rest of your time at home.”
“I’ll try. Have a good weekend.”
“Whoa. Not so fast. You’ll try? Don’t you like visiting home?”
Great. Why did I have to say that? “Maybe I just miss you.”
He laughed. “I know that’s a complete lie, but I’ll pretend it isn’t. Good night, Emily.”
“Good night, Jake.”
I hung up and replaced the phone beside me. I was far too antsy to sleep. I peeked in at Noah. He was peaceful and sleeping away. I went back to my bed and lay awake. When I finally fell asleep, I dreamed of Jake—again.
Chapter Fifteen
Jake
I’m not sure why I invited them to the game. I could have come up with a better suggestion, but at the time it seemed smart. I knew the kid was young, but most boys liked watching sports, right?
Texting Emily had been an impulse—but calling took a lot more nerve. I never chased girls. They either came to me, or I forgot about them. Of course, there was the stupid thing I did to Ben and Molly, but that had more to do with jealousy than trying to get a girl. Maybe I was delusional, but sitting back and waiting was usually a good plan. I’d never had a problem getting girls, and I’d never played their games. That was for pathetic guys who were desperate. Maybe I was desperate.
Emily wasn’t going to come to me. If I wanted her, I was going to have to do the work. It may have taken a few days, but eventually I realized I liked her too much to stay away. My biggest worry was that she wouldn’t want me around Noah, but that was for her to decide. I had to at least try.
As soon as she said my name, I knew it was worth the effort. I had to see her again. The question was how I was going to convince her of the same thing.
I hung up with her on a mission. She said she might come to the game. If she did, I’d have to make sure I made the right impression. I had no idea how to make that happen. I needed advice, and there was only one person I wanted to ask. I only had one female friend, and she was back in Boston finishing up law school.
Becca picked up on the first ring. “Hey, Jake. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine. Did I wake you up?” I glanced at my watch. It was eleven thirty, still early for a Friday night.
“Nope. We’re up.”
I heard some mumbling in the background. I laughed. I’d definitely woken Gavin up. I had no problem with that. There was no love lost between her boyfriend and I, but he made her happy.
“Good.”
“How are you feeling? I’ve been so worried.”
“I’m fine. Thanks for the flowers and card, by the way.”